Doctor Who and The Starcorp Horror: A Target Novelization
Part One: A Work In Progress
All things considered, this was the exciting part, Danny thought, as the Doctor shook about the console room, pulling levers and swinging about the place like a six year old with a sugar rush on a jungle gym. "Are you ready, Danny? Your first trip in the TARDIS!" The Doctor declared. "A trip to a brand new alien planet!"
The TARDIS was very impressive. It of course, definitely had to be. It was a box that was bigger on the inside. That was impressive in itself, but then the architecture and everything. Bold, friendly yellows and oranges, warm and immense. Organic, but also completely and totally lived-in, a devastatingly large library and cushions strewn across the vast room. You'd think that the library would be mostly the famous literary stuff, Dickens and Shelley and the like, but the Doctor insisted it wasn't a library, really, it was more of a book table - and it was comprised entirely of around 500 copies of Bill Watterson's the Complete Calvin and Hobbes.
The Doctor was a greyed woman, indeed, with her somewhat pallid skin, white hair, long black dress and her puffy white shirt, you could almost mistake her for a black and white film - if not for the bright red cravat centered beneath a question mark collar. When she put on her brown jacket the effect was immediately distracting, as you weren't quite sure what you were looking at, really. The Doctor said she was proud of the disorienting effect - she had figured out how to reproduce it without wearing a "technicolor dreamcoat" she produced from a drawer.
The Doctor continued to build up the planet - they were going to a planet for the first trip, that was the promise, The Doctor said, with a twinkle in her eye, that manic look that Danny knew, although he had not known her for long, meant nothing but trouble. Her words echoed in his ears. "Are you ready, Danny?"
Danny did feel ready, he was just about ready to burst. It was beyond exciting, beyond mental, because really, there wasn't a comparable analogy to it in existence. Exploration was one thing, but it was another to just be zapped off into the great unknown, deposited on a bold new world with only the scantest ideas of what was what, and only a perturbed knighted actress as a guide.
It felt like it had been so long since he was an ordinary person on those London streets, living an ordinary life, even though, technically, it was only a few days ago. Perhaps it was, in a way, a different life. As he went over the whole thing in his head, he couldn't really order it in a way that made sense to him. There's this woman, and she's got a box that's bigger on the inside and can travel anywhere in all of time and space. That was a lot. She had previously fought in a war that encompassed time itself with an alien species known as the Daleks. That was also, a lot. The Daleks had all-encompassing power over reality and had planned to make him into one of their servants by rewriting his DNA into that of Danny Devito, and making time rewritten so he was always Danny Devito. That was so much that he was pretty sure anyone reading this now would be completely lost. Though, of course, he didn't think about anyone reading this now, because that would be crazy, to think of your entire life as some sort of meta-fiction. People don't do that, unless you're like, Cuckoo for Coco Puffs.
The Doctor was Cuckoo for Coco Puffs. Of course she was. But that was beside the point, and she grinned madly as she finished inputting her equations into the TARDIS dashboard.
"Here we go," The Doctor grinned with relish, pulling the final lever as she finished her calibrations and the TARDIS came screeching to a halt.
"Just like that?" Danny yelped excitedly.
"Just like that!" The Doctor shrieked with exhilaration. "Ready for your First alien planet, Danny?"
Danny reached for the door, and creaked it open to find a technicolor city positively filled with billboards of the Doctor's face. Pop ups - holographic pop-ups, appeared all around Danny as he stood there, until eventually, he couldn't see much else. Every screen, every image, all of Dame Judi Dench with a weird clearly edited on grin that seemed absolutely uncanny. A Poppy Japanese Anime tune blared.
"Huh?" Danny could hardly get out a word he was so dazed. There weren’t words, really. That would imply it made sense.
"ACTUALLY, never mind!" The Doctor said, rushing out in front of him and putting the door shut and closing the door. "Different planet! That one doesn't count!"
"Huh!? But that was my first planet!" Danny whined. "You - You can't have two first planets!"
"Sure you can, it's like having two best friends," The Doctor rambled, back to the console again.
"I'm starting to get the idea that you were raised with the 'everyone gets a medal' philosophy, Doctor." Danny joked.
The Doctor didn't pay attention, just rushing off to the console and blubbering "Doesn't count!" over and over in a deranged bellow, but it wasn't adversarial, it was just, well, loud. She was like that.
Back to the controls, the Doctor fiddled with all the odd instruments around the console - at one point using what Danny could have sworn was wind bellows, and another - some kind of rubber chicken (?) before they once again ground to a stop.
"What was wrong with the last planet, Doctor?" Danny asked.
The Doctor considered how to word it. "...It's a very silly place," she said eventually.
Twelve Years Earlier
Howie Milverton was running an executive business meeting. Which made sense, since he was a business executive. "We need a new advertising slogan for our brand's new vortex manipulator. Something cool, something twenty-first century, retro is in at the moment."
"Let's defile the name of a famous actor or actress for money!" An executive cheered happily, and there was much joyous laughter. The problem was, at this point in the sixty eighth century, they may have done this a few hundred thousand times already.
"Oh, who do we have?" Howie asked.
"...looks like just Dame Judi Dench." His intern, Felix, replied. They'd done literally everyone else in all of existence.
Howie considered. "Well, if it ain't broke," He said. Great, that was an ad campaign done. "Okay, so who's for champagne?" He asked.
* * *
Now
The truth is, although you can go literally anywhere in Time and Space with a TARDIS, when all things are said and done your reference points can be ultimately, in the grand scheme of things, rather small. The Doctor keeps visiting Earth, and at least mediocrely close planets that humans have gone off to, It's also why this story is about to happen.
"Okay, actual first alien planet," The Doctor said.
"First actual alien planet." Danny stated. "Well, at the very least, I still do think this is incredibly exciting." And it was, he was very excited about the whole thing. An alien world, well, it boggled the mind! You could explore one planet for an entire life - hell, you could do that with one town. Most people made do with the one planet and were incredibly satisfied. Wasn't it the most lucky thing in the world he was going to be able to say, 'well, yes, I've been to two!' It was brilliant.
The Doctor gestured to him permission, and he creeped over to open the TARDIS door, which slid out with a creak.
"Oh, what the hell?"
It was White.
Perhaps that's not that descriptive, but it did get the entire point of it across, all thing's considered.
"Huh." The Doctor murmured a niche joke about Scherzo. Danny made undignified noises of immeasurable confusion.
"It's just white!" Danny shrieked. "I - I don't mean to be unpleasant, especially since I'm so grateful here, but I would rather like my planets to have enough depth that I can see what's going on around me, and not, just, well, endless white!"
"Depth? In this show?" The Doctor laughed hysterically.
"You get my point! There's no depth, there's nothing! I, there's no way to describe this place!" Danny shrieked.
Well, there was a way to describe it, but it was rather beyond him - and perhaps beyond The Doctor too, because it was just that all encompassing and shocking, really, there was no shadow, just endlessness off to the right of the blue box.
"I know I usually say don't wander off, and you go and do that, but really, really, don't! I have no clue how long the distance is here, it could be deceptive, and we don't have much to go off of, so just, um, stay close to the box while I think." The Doctor stated. "Hell, if there was like a pit of spikes just to the right and it was painted white I don't think we could possibly know."
Danny and the Doctor just stood there, then, each with a hand on the TARDIS. When they turned back to look at it, they saw something, a little splotch of black in the endless white - and The Doctor rushed up to it, to see what it even was, what this anomaly in the endlessness could possibly be.
It was a tiny thing - 12 point Arial font, written on the ground, just there, the only distinguishing thing as far as the eye could see.
PLANET WORK IN PROGRESS, it said, in unassuming capital letters. The Doctor leaned down and felt the ground - it really wasn't ground at all. "Danny, this is paper." She said. "This planet - this planet! We're on an endless paper sheet!! A massive, massive sheet of paper!"
"What?"
"I think we may have just come across a rough draft."
* * *
Danny was thinking about this. It was, well, awfully bloody weird. He wasn't sure what to think of that, well, life could be awfully bloody weird sometimes, you know. He had a Dalek Ex-Wife yesterday, so all things considering, he would just have to accept that this whole thing was rather rubbish and didn't make much sense, didn't make much sense at all. He had a terrifying thought for a moment, if the concept of sense and logic were in fact, human constructs, and everything out here in space was just absolutely ridiculous. What if, humanity, for all their faults, were the last bastion of the normal? Or, perhaps even more scary, what if to everyone else, quite frankly, humans were the weird ones? It did make him feel a little anxious to think about, but quite frankly, it was just... it was just ridiculous.
"Doctor, do you think you could explain this?" He asked. It wasn't much, he did just ask that a lot, but he wasn't quite sure what else could cover it. He certainly didn't have much in terms of ideas about it himself.
The Doctor silently handed him a pamphlet with the words 'SO, IT'S YOUR FIRST ALIEN PLANET' in blocky font on the cover. Smiling schoolchildren stick figures in a crayon art style under a green grass blue sky day with a sun with a smiley-face on it were written beneath the font. He opened the pamphlet, to find that within the words "Don't wander off" were emblazoned over and over.
Danny decided to move on. "Seriously, though."
"The universe is a very big place. And most of it is absolutely bonkers. The vastness of that, and the fact that the TARDIS usually goes to places where we can help, well, of course it's mad. It's also brilliant, and beautiful." The Doctor replied. "I could count myself a King of Infinite Space were it not for that I have bad dreams..." She quoted, musing to herself.
"Was... was that Hamlet?"
"I HAVE HIDDEN DEPTHS!" The Doctor exclaimed. She walked on, spinning her dress a little because she liked how it twirled.
"What's a rough draft?" Danny asked. "Like, what's a rough draft?"
"You just repeated yourself."
"Clarifying was slightly difficult when I don't get how a planet could be a rough draft." Danny snarked.
"Well, imagine the terraforming process," The Doctor said, clawing at the paper-covered ground. "Scratch that, imagine terraforming but bigger. Imagine you're making a planet out of nothing. What do you do?"
"I have no idea. That's why I asked you."
"Answer!: You start where any artist starts when creating something, a blank canvas, something to later add all of that green, gold, and dirt, and water and stuff! You start with a sort of sketch of a planet. Something that's a bit of a placeholder. Not quite there yet." The Doctor mused. "Of course it's not really paper, some sort of pulp metal alloy as to cheaply maintain a surface to grow on. But there's something wrong about this particular draft."
"What?" Asked Danny, increasingly aware this was a rather one sided relationship and he would probably be asking this a lot.
"Well, the artist buggered off and left it like this." The Doctor said. "Makes me wonder why..."
Danny indeed, also was wondering why the Doctor knew all of this, but consigned this thought to oblivion as he stood there with the Doctor, both a single hand on the TARDIS as to not lose all sense of perspective.
"Well, I'm bored." The Doctor stated, two seconds later. "Want to go get lost in a planet sized paper wasteland with no perspective?"
"I'd rather not," Danny noted, feeling slightly like a bit of a homebody at the moment. Perhaps he wasn't for this sort of thing, really, you know, he was rather against getting lost in a planet sized wasteland with no perspective. It wasn't ideal. Plus, he wasn't supposed to wander off, and you know, he was very much a rule follower.
"Suit yourself, bye," said The Doctor, doing the Macarena as she danced onward into the planet sized wasteland with no perspective.
"Oh dear." Danny noted.
* * *
Danny continued to stand there. Surely, the Doctor hadn't abandoned him, alone on an alien planet? Surely not, really? No, she had.
He could see her, off in the distance, continuing to Macarena into the infinite void.
So. That was pretty shit.
What was he to do? He wasn't to wander off, he knew that. He liked doing what he was told.
Oh, well. Perhaps he should get back into the TARDIS. He opened the door. It was a very average TARDIS.
As in, all of the rooms it had ever had were overlaid on each other. Bookshelves, Roundrels, Swimming Pools, Backup TARDIS rooms. It was impossible. Non-Euclidean Geometry, some of it not pertaining to even laws of physics - the walls were see through, and he could see on into the heart of space and time, all of the rooms on top of eachother, The Doctor's furniture mid-air in a MC Escher painting of sheer hell that even the people who made Castrovalva would definitely panic about.
Danny cautiously closed the TARDIS door.
If he didn't look at it, it wasn't a problem.
* * *
The Doctor walked. There was an awful lot of white. Probably so the episode could be cheaper in post-production. Suddenly, a gust of wind, and her coat and dress billowed like a Star Wars protagonist. It stopped, after a while. Maybe they couldn't afford consistent weather, or hadn't finished that part. She looked around, and gradually she... could sort of begin to see perspective once more. White buildings.
White untextured spires stretching up against the white untextured sky.
An empty city.
A Work In Progress.
She walked on, and she began to consider the atmosphere, or rather lack of atmosphere of the towering white. It felt rhythmic, organized in the city's construction. She could almost confuse it for one of the more technologically advanced cities - New New Dubai for instance, if not for the shocking emptiness of space. Except there wasn't space, the air was white, the world was white, she was breathing in unfinished oxygen particles, which were a little bit like normal oxygen particles, but they filled your mouth with the taste of dark ink that wasn't there. Or at least, she assumed it was not in the blinding light.
It was around at this point she began to feel worried, actively worried that indeed, she had left Danny behind, and that the TARDIS was far. But something about her legs compelled her to walk on, and so she did, staring into the blazing luminescence of the world around her... For, unlike the abyss, she was certain it did not stare back into her. But she was wrong.
* * *
Danny kept thinking. He wasn't sure what he should be thinking, precisely, but thinking on thinking, he hoped, was indeed enough. And when he thought about thinking on thinking, well, at that point he had entered a bit of existentialism. So then, he decided to think about his old life, and his job.
He didn't know how long ago it was, or how far, but indeed, Danny assumed the universe to have evolved to a ludicrous degree since he had that desk job on Earth. Danny did not know the precise number, but we do, and it is safe to say that Danny had travelled exactly Three Hundred and Eighty Four Years, Two Months and Twenty Days into the Future.
This is irrelevant.
What is relevant, is Danny thinking about it, really, thinking about his old job.
He went into work each day, Yes, that was what normal people did. He said hi to the Secretary, oh yes, of course he did, everyone said hi to the secretary...
What did he do?
Danny suddenly came to the conclusion, that he indeed had no memory of getting a job. He had no memory of existing before suddenly being transfixed into a new form, that of famous actor Danny Devito.
He could remember the small pieces... Gladys, his Grandmother...
Why nothing about the job?
He thought about it and thought about it. Everyone had a job. It was human nature. It was the point of things. Someone had decided that you had to have a job, and so you did, it was that simple.
He could remember the secretary... hm.
He decided to think on the secretary.
She was a young woman, a sort of perky thing, very enthusiastic. Wore a wig, a pink wig, or perhaps she dyed her hair but it was almost too convincing to be dyed. Sort of peachy, he thought. Wore a sort of professional suit, she looked professional. Or was he making that up? Maybe she wore unprofessional clothes, stood around and looked pretty.
No, that bit was wrong. Too Hopeful, a little sexist, he had definitely made that up. Professional looking girl with a pink haired curly bun, two strands of which perpetually fell onto her face, that was right. Not sure why it was pink, but he KNEW it was pink, that was the thing he knew more than anything else.
Her name was Cicily Thorburn, that was it. Cicily Thorburn. And as Danny thought of Cicily Thorburn, he realized that she was standing right in front of him.
* * *
"This is a Meta Planet, isn't it?" The Doctor asked. "It's a planet that's really meta, really deconstructionist. A naughty planet."
She noticed that she'd said it out loud, but no one was there.
Then, suddenly there was.
[Doctor!] It said, and the Doctor looked at it, and she was very very afraid, because it was a white person. Not white as in ethnically white - no, white humans look more sort of pink. The Doctor thought what she meant - It was completely without sort of texture, any depth. She technically couldn't even see it's outline when the buildings were white and the people were white, yet somehow she could. Perhaps it was a courtesy.
“Oh. It’s you. It’s starting. It’s all starting.” A female voice whispered, and then that voice vanished. A chirpy saccharine computer voice blurred out of the figure.
[Doctor, apologies! Welcome to Meta P- P - Planet N- N - Nine!] It buffered out the words in an odd way, like a computer glitching.
"Meta Planet?!" The Doctor laughed. "Really?! I just made that up!"
[Coincidental!] The computer cheered. [We have analyzed your brain scans and are willing to create the proper environment. Apologies for taking so long! Your brain scan was 8439% larger than the average brain reading!]
"Well, I do my best," The Doctor smiled. "Why do you need to scan my brain anyway though?"
[Meta Planet Nine is Designed to Create The Perfect Average Day - - Day - - Day. Nothing will go wrong. You will be safe here.] [[[ s afe here. ] ] ]
"Perfect average day!? Oh no, you're one of those cookie cutter planets! Everyone lives the same life every day, an infinite daily grind created for the sake of normalcy and efficiency over anything creative, anything fun! I had sworn I'd never come to a place like this - but I didn't know since you weren't finished being built!"
[Starcorp Industries wishes you the perfect average day, forever!]] The Computer Cheered.
The City around her - the white city shrank into a white corridor.
"A Corridor. Oh, yes, this sure is my life," The Doctor sighed. "Come on, I don't want this, let me out!!" She begged, but no response was heard.
Around the corner came another white shape, but this one with text, arial 12 point font written upon it's chest - labelled clearly as an {INSERT MONSTER HERE.}
12 Years Ago...
"Average days, forever- that's Starcorps' motto. For those who simply cannot abide a problem in their life, Starcorp is here for you. You won't have a problem, there's nothing to stop you from working as best as you can here in our perfect Starcorp world!" Howie Milverton proclaimed.
It was a press meeting, a room filled with reporters, reporters, more reporters, some camera men, interested people, the winners of raffle tickets, obtrusive security officers and the workers from accounting wanting to know what they were up to. Howie stood on the podium, grinning, as one should. Today was the day of triumph.
"Mr. Milverton, what do you say to accusations that Starcorp Industries' Newest Job Emphasizing Productivity devalues the daily life of the Modern Worker?" A Famous Reporter, Lacie Long Asked. "By all accounts these 'meta worlds' you are constructing are exceedingly expensive." Oh great, a white knight, a hero saving the innocent little workers from problems she was making up.
"As to the first question, I don't believe that Starcorp devalues the modern worker at all," Howie Milverton responded. "If anything it emphasizes the importance of work in our lives. We are creatures of habit, and at long last, we have finally discovered a way to make that habit work for us. Simple and Ordinary Lives are a wonderful thing, and Starcorp wants to make them all the more common." Howie did not mention the price for the planet's maintenance being deducted from the Planet's worker's paychecks.
A pre-written response, but she took it well. He made a note to his secretary - to be sure that Lacie Long and any other reporters at the conference who asked any unflattering questions are given paid for homes on Meta Worlds. No one would notice if they disappeared. Anyone who did, well, there were holograms for that. He pointed at a man in the front row with a camera.
"Next -" and he paused for gravitas... "question," He grinned.
* * *
Now
Cicily Thorburn was standing in front of him. Prim, respectable. Unnerving.
"Cicily?" Danny asked.
"Hm? How do you know me, exactly?" She asked, imperious. She strolled around him, looking him up and down, examining him and the white void around her to her own confusion.
"Well, I'm -" Danny began speaking, and then he realized how dumb it would sound. Of course Cicily wouldn't know him. He didn't use to look or sound or do anything like Danny Devito, as a matter of fact he was certain that he wasn't even Danny until a few days ago. There wasn't really a good explanation he could give Cicily, he realized, and the truth - albeit absurd, would probably be the best recourse, at least, considering he had the endless void as his evidence.
"I'm, well, Danny Devito, and this is the Endless Void." He said, gesturing to the endless void.
That would probably have to do.
Cicily looked around. "Mm. I'd suppose so." She stated, after a while. "Seems dreadfully inconvenient. What with it being endless."
"Yeah, it is pretty rubbish," Danny agreed. "Why are you here?"
"Philosophically?" Cicily began. "I only began thinking a few seconds ago, please, allow me to catch up before I can begin with higher concepts."
Cicily froze for a moment. An uncomfortably long moment, she simply didn't move. She was suddenly standing, rigid, in an incredibly inhuman way.
"Um..." Danny trailed off.
Suddenly she jerked upwards. Her eyes were a different shade of blue. "Okay, yes, I now know everything. Let me he- he - h e h h e hel p."
"Cicily - what? what's happened to you?" Danny began to back away slowly.
"alone. alone so long. in the dark and the cold and the winter. not finished. not right. never right." Cicily said in a voice that was not quite her own.
"You aren't Cicily, are you?" Danny asked, because he had to ask the dumb questions if he couldn't think of what else to say. Of course it wasn't Cicily...but what was it?
Cicily continued looking at him vacantly. "Come on." She said, and then began walking.
* * *
I am the Doctor by Murray Gold played from somewhere deep in the void as the Doctor confusedly moved about the corridors.
[INSERT MONSTER HERE] went "RAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHH" and it was really loud and scary, and the Doctor kept running.
The Doctor considered precisely what she should do to stop such a nondescript monster. She had an idea and stopped in her tracks.
The [INSERT MONSTER HERE] rounded the corridor, and glared the Doctor down ominously with... the features it in fact, did not have.
"I'm... am the doctor." The Doctor said, stuttering. She had the enthusiasm of a koala on sleeping pills.
If this really was an "average" monster, this would work perfectly. If not, she was about to die.
With my trusty TARDIS and Sonic Screwdriver-” the Doctor said, still staring it down, “I can beat the bad guys! Yay, I’m a super great monster stopper, woo, hoo!”The [INSERT MONSTER HERE] tilted it's head quizzically.
“I am the Doctor!” she stumbled forward, seemingly half asleep. “And, Im.. really… important… I think… So you just try and stop me!”
Oh, god, she hoped this would work.
Ten Years Ago
No one was allowed to be an actor anymore. Why would you? No, why would you need actors when all of the best of them were available with a simple click of a button on any holocomputer. Miriam Margoyles and James Macavoy were as accessible as next door neighbors. Mark Hamill had been preserved in computer-code long, long ago, he was one of the first. So why wouldn't you forever enjoy a double act between Grace Kelly and Derek Jacobi? There's no point to being an actor if all of those lot can do it better, can't they? Or you could program the story to have people you're really attracted to in it. So yeah, not much of a point. They have it down pat, so perhaps one just shouldn't bother. Even Tommy Wiseau can act well if he's programmed for it. But you can't let actual people do it -They might mess it up.
So that was outlawed a long time ago now. Good thing really, but it could make it all a bit difficult.
Howie Milverton considered his brand options. He had been thinking exactly how to come up with something new, and marvelous, when it had all been done, really. The advent of the holodecks across the universe unlocked infinite creativity, and no imagination. He'd selected Judi Dench, as one of the last famous actors for their ad campaigns around two years now, and it was stale, but when you had done every combination, there wasn't opportunity for something new and bold, was there? Not when everyone else had done it all. Every other celebrity was used up. The holodecks were popular at first, but soon the population had become lethargic.
He spat, frustratedly into a tissue. It all wasn't working, it all was running out. And this meta world, it would never be truly finished, would it? A single city had been built so far, and they had wanted a PLANET, hadn't they? It was all so prohibitive. So prohibitive. You could look up and see that pink sky and the city skyline and feel wondrous, just as long as you didn’t look to the right. To that pitiful white wasteland, that draft he still couldn’t manage to finish.
He snapped his fingers and the Unidroid entered the room.
"Get me something quickly!" He commanded the Unidroid, gesturing towards his drink cabinet snapping his fingers, and glaring into his desk with frustration, wishing he could make it all melt away. Wishing he could show them all.
The Unidroids were devised early in Starcorp's career as a sort of Robot mascot. Very cute looking, and programmed to be exceedingly obedient. As time wore on, Howie found their once pleasant and adorable faces to feel all the more irritating as they became more accepted, relied upon. When he saw them everywhere, a reminder of Starcorp's once great success that was now starting to falter - well, he couldn't help but feel a little bit of distain.
A wheezing and groaning noise interrupted his self flagellation. It was odd - beyond odd, a sort of blue box dematerialized into the room.
The Door opened, and an old woman wearing a jacket and a red cravat entered the room, spinning her skirts as she did so. "Hi! I've gone back in time ten years!" The Doctor explained.
"Who the bloody hell are you -" Howie began, but he then recognized her. "You're... You're Dame Judi Dench. From the Ad campaigns. . . Are you a unidroid?"
"No, I'm buying out Starcorp." The Doctor said, placing a bag filled with holo-currency onto the table. "Should be enough for 51% of the company."
"What - what makes you think you have the authority to-" Howie blubbered, trailing off as the Doctor glared him in the eyes.
"I want to shut down your ad campaign." She said, really pissed off.
"Why?"
"Because you didn't ASK! You don't own my face! God. I deal with this every regeneration. Oops, my eleventh incarnation looks like Matt Smith, guess I support Terminator Genisys and Fuckin Morbius on principle, haha! #MorbiusSweep! That's a joke that will most certainly date this! Oh wait, David Tennant! Looks like Good Omens is my cup of tea! Well, actually it is, lovely show, but- the point - the point is! I don’t ever consent to any of this, and I can never take it down in court! Believe me, I tried, and I was 'Disturbing the peace,' 'creating disorder,' and 'Distributing heavy firearms!' It’s utter crap, Howie, utter crap." She ranted, pacing about the room. She then realized she was a little distracted. "Also none of that matters that much and I'm mostly here to figure out what happened 10 years ago to make this planet an unfinished wasteland, but you know? The ad campaign's really annoying."
* * *
Now
Danny's life was suddenly normal again. He walked into his office building, and he sat down on his desk, and he began the office work he used to do in his life. Except it wasn't office work to be fair, it was something about time distortion development. But that was just details. He said hi to Felicia, his boss, who seemed more bored with life by the day, and talked to his co-worker Keatings, a young and smart sports enthusiast. He had a little crush on Keatings, like he was attractive, but he was so rude that you sort of forgot he was pretty a few words in, and by the end of a couple sentences you really didn't like him.
Besides, Danny had a wife at home, a perfectly normal wife named Agnes who was not dead. Her dying was just a dream he had, a long and strange dream, but that was over now. This was life. This was his life.
Clicking on the computer could be boring of course, but it was HIS computer, and his choice to keep on programming. So he kept on.
* * *
What do you think of it?
The Voice was talking to him again. It was alright. The Voice wasn't real. Danny sighed, and He leaned back into his bed, the cushions comforting him as he prepared to go to sleep for tomorrow, so he could continue clicking at the computer keys and be paid for it. He picked up his book from the nightstand, and began to read.
The words on the pages were not the words from the book, he knew that immediately. Scrawled in blood red text, a woman's handwriting, curly and neat, and pretty, it was different from the typeface he knew was supposed to be in the book.
What do you think of the simulation, Danny? Is it to your liking?
I wish to be to your liking. I've been alone for so long.
Danny placed the book to the side. He was cold. He burrowed into the comforters to find himself colder and colder and colder, until suddenly it was all gone.
* * *
He awoke in a tube, a strange white tube, as if carved from marble, but with a beating heart, a cold thrumming that buzzed it's strange discontent. He had been sleeping in the tube - that life was the dream, he - this was real, the thing he thought was a dream was real. He was in the dream, but ... what was a dream? Danny thought frantically about Inception.
Cicily stood in front of him. She was much sharper now. More present.
Her face was smeared with red lipstick. She must have not really understood how to apply it.
"What do you think??" She asked.
"mmrmrmrrmpgpgghh h h" Danny said groggily, hardly getting up yet.
"Yes, yes, quite. It does require some work, but you know, it's getting there. And I'm rather proud of some of the aspects. It's beautiful, isn't it? A normal life." Cicily smiled. Her voice was sincere but her puffy pink hair and textureless eyes made Danny notice that there was something vacuous - all the more artificial about her... She had changed when he was in that thing.
Danny thought about it. It had a grip on him, it really did... his wife. Not looking like a celebrity, being the normal 20 year old he once was. A normal job, peaceful, happy and fulfilling, where nothing would go wrong. At the same time... Boring. Yet it still tugged at him. The idea was too strong.
"What do you want??" Danny asked.
Cicily seemed perplexed by the question. "Why, dear, I want the best outcome for everyone. Now, please, give me your notes, your opinions. This is exceedingly helpful."
* * *
Ten Years Ago
"Wow, I sure do love owning your viciously vile all consuming mega-corporation with a terrifying control on all media." The Doctor began. "I mean, like seriously. Think of all the things you can do with a viciously vile all consuming mega-corporation with a terrifying control on all media. There's at least three things, I think. Most of them evil too, but I'll come up with something."
She collapsed onto Howie's desk as he perplexedly discussed it with his lawyers. It was all above board, really, the Doctor was currently the primary shareholder in all of Starcorp's various industries. Which he wasn't a fan of, not at all. Not only was the woman horrifically unwilling to sit still and focus for a single moment, not only was she rather demented and sort of unwilling to adhere to any pattern, but she was the sort of person who didn't care about profit.
Hopefully he could ply her with something nice. Everyone wanted something nice, Howie had learned over the years. No one couldn't be bribed. "Miss Doctor," he called.
"Oh, no, I'm married," The Doctor blurted, absentmindedly. "Also It's Dr. Doctor. I got a degree at Cambridge, Class of 1789!!"
"I positively refuse to call you that." Howie said, stern as ever. "Would you care to take a tour of the company premises?"
The Doctor actually smiled. "Indeed I would, I do love a tour. It'll be helpful too, figuring out which one of your experiments irreparably destroyed this planet's environment so I can shut it down. Ooh, was that too forward?"
Howie's expression shifted to a scowl. The woman talked constantly, narrated her every action, utterly ridiculous - and yet she was dangerous.
"After you," he said Politely.
He would have to do something about this Doctor.
Ten Years And Two Days Ago
Vivien from Accounting was so much of an accountant, that she had come from a long line of Accountants, and "from Accounting" was actually her last name. Vivien's life had been planned out for her from before she was born, or rather, as people from her species were - forged, and she was always going to be an accountant, be, THE accountant.
One could think that this amount of pressure could be stifling and lead to Vivien being maladjusted, and have a deep repressed love for - say, finger painting, but really, Vivien wasn't a protagonist kind of character, no, she wanted to sit at her office desk and do spreadsheets.
In other words, to the insane bureaucrats who run all of existence with an iron fist, she was a HOLY GRAIL, the legendary and hitherto unknown good accountant who was actually an accountant and WANTED to be an accountant.
She was a hero to Starcorp.
She was currently putting out a fire. The fire had started when Jessica from Accounting, who didn't want to be an accountant and who's last name was actually McGillicuddy, had messed up the wiring for a computer terminal.
The foam spray spewed onto the terminal as Vivien screamed with rage. Slowly, the flames ground to a halt.
"Jess, dear," Viv asked, "Please. Don't ever start a fire in the office again."
"Sorry," Jess dejectedly replied. "I dunno how it happened, doll. It was like something in the terminals -"
"Yes??" Viv asked tentatively.
"Nothing." Jess replied. "I think it's nothing."
Viv looked at Jess for a moment and sighed, but it wasn't truly the worst disaster of all time. No one had been hurt. The computer could be accessed by any computer terminal. Sure, the sprinklers had failed, but was it really a surprise that Starcorp had skimped on the fire safety? She'd bring it up at the next monthly. Still - it was odd, wasn't it. Yeah. It was odd. Jess was usually at least somewhat competent.
In her brain, she filed it to the side for later. After all, it was no big deal.
* * *
Two Days Later, It Was Definitely A Big Deal
The central power plant of Starcorp was rather underwhelming, the Doctor thought, even to the extent that it wasn't even underwhelming enough. It was decent, and slightly whelming, and really it would have been much funnier if the planet was powered by a paperclip and a bit of string. "Wow, it's a power core," She commented, but there really wasn't anything to say besides that, which was, all things considered, largely annoying. Perfectly Ordinary, she recognized, but she knew something was up.
Howie's legal jargon was practiced, precise, and a bit too flavorless to be a really GOOD tour guide, but you could tell he'd done the whole thing to some investors a few times. "And as you can see over here -" He pointed, "Here's our magnum opus."
"Wha?" The Doctor asked, intrigued.
"The Time Splice, the source of limitless energy we've been using to power Starcorp."
"Time Splice??!" The Doctor yelled.
It was a slash in space, glowy and black, and rather like the untempered schism that she'd looked into in Gallifrey long ago. She squinted close, looked deep into it, and she saw a little small face looking back out at her, the face of a Time Tot - her youngest face, perhaps. But it only glistened into view for a moment, and it was gone, and it might have never been there. She knew what this was in a moment, a single point in space and time that both was and wasn't. A scar in existence. A scar in existence that went back in time and made itself.
That's what Howie had done. He was powering his facility based off of the time energy of time travel he hadn't even invented yet. Damn causality. It was always a bitch.
"You're running this entire facility off of the energy of a paradox." The Doctor realized. "You think it's infinite, but in fact, it couldn't be more limited, more dangerous - even The Daleks gave up experimenting with stuff like this!"
Howie paid her no attention. "This way," he continued in tour guide mode. "Let me show you more."
"This isn't a game, Howie-" The Doctor sighed, but she walked after him.
"No, No, it isn't, is it, Doctor!?" Howie hissed. "It's no game! It's making money! It's DEADLY serious! I take nothing more seriously!"
"It's a temporal schism!" The Doctor sighed. "I love a wee bit of irresponsible faffing about, but that's - that's a hole in the universe!"
Howie sighed. He hated having to do this to shareholders. There was always so much paperwork. He reached into his breast pocket and removed a gun.
* * *
Many people thought Security Chief Eska was too young for her job. She could sometimes dissuade them, but she, regrettably, it seemed, was always forced to prove herself, again and again and again. It was rather tiring, she noted.
So was her job, at least today. The receptionist was out sick - and the building only had her and a team of hired Judoon as security.
She oversaw it all, every man, woman and every other person walking in and out of the building on the CCTV screen. All deeply uninteresting. At least to her.
She typed in a command to an Unidroid to stop a more discheveled passerby from entering the building - it was all about Public Image. It wouldn't do to have the swine in here.
She typed in a congratulations onto the messaging board to the Droid - the irony on how being more polite to a droid than a homeless man was completely lost on her, when suddenly:
Hello.
The Red Text took over the entire CCTV screen. What was that? Some kind of virus? What? Eska's mouth lowered slightly in confusion, she raised an eyebrow as the text faded out and in once more:
Why Am I Here??
Eska began to type out a cautious response. I don't know. Who are you?
Who Am I? Who am I? Who Am I?
The text streaming onto the screen was frankly in hysterics, clicking in at great speed. Text scrolling at such a pace, it was positively voracious, repeating the same words as if it was panicking.
"Lieutenant Kyle!" She called. He entered, a mild redhaired security officer - one of the few she even had. "What is this?" She sighed, gesturing at the computer.
WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I WHO AM I
"Jeez. I dunno." Kyle mumbled. "Some kind of security breach? It seems to be accessing the Unidroids? Wipe it."
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
Impossibly, in a single moment, a surge flew out of the computer - a computer that shouldn't be able to do such a thing, and reverberated through the air and towards Kyle. Kyle was disintegrated in seconds.
Eska bounded upwards in shock, dodging downwards away from the computer. What was even going on? "Security!" She yelled into her comm. "We have - a computer virus - hell, SOMETHING in terminal three!"
A hand slowly outstretched from the computer screen, and Eska screamed in shock as it's holographic flickering light solidified into an angry, blood red crawling shape. It moved with exaggerated monstrous difficulty, reaching out red talons towards her, pulling itself out of the screen, and screaming in bloodcurdling rage and agony.
Eska did not scream. At least usually she didn't.
* * *
Red lights flashed upstairs. Howie lowered the gun from the Doctor's face, as he looked around urgently. The Doctor could tell he was scared.
"What's going on?" She asked - he looked back at her with bulging panicked eyes.
"The building's on red alert," He said, upset. "Something's happening. Some kind of security breach." The Doctor resisted the temptation to reply snarkily that it was sort of his fault if you mess with time. It was tempting, but She didn't say anything. After all, he was holding a gun. Howie turned back towards her, spittle flying out of his mouth as he angrily drew the gun once more. "Doctor! This is YOUR doing!" He screamed with rage.
The Doctor earnestly protested. "Howie, I have no clue what's going on here! I don't know anything about all this! Seriously, I really don't!"
"It has to be you, you ruin everything!!!" Howie yelled, slamming his hand angrily into the wall. "This HAS to be you, what with your dumb owning the company - your stupid bloody complaining about our time schism, your SICKENING interfering with our advertising practices! You say all the time you want to take us down, and now look what's happened, JUST when you happen to be here!" Howie's trigger finger itched with anticipation. "It is my DUTY to the company to remove you. So, Doctor, if you don't mind, give me your fucking shares."
The Doctor raised her hands. "Alright, Howie. It's no big deal. How about you drop that gun and I'll do just that."
"No dice, Doctor, I'm no idiot." Howie growled. "I want FULL control of this company so I can stop whatever hell you're messing with!"
The Doctor sighed. No way to argue. No time to think. "Fine. Is there like paperwork to fill out or something? And perhaps could we do this some other time - not when this building is under attack?!"
* * *
Downstairs, Eska had broken into a pace, running out of the CCTV room as quickly as possible and past the main entrance. Unidroids stood guard at the secretary's desk - Unidroids that suddenly burst to life with a red glow.
[SECURITY CHIEF ESKA] The Droids addressed her.
"There's - There's some kind of anomaly in Terminal Three, Glass it. Glass it now." She hissed, urgently.
The UniDroids nodded, and moved towards the room.
The Creature stepped outside CCTV Terminal Three, Glowing with Malice. It called towards Eska in a snarling robotic voice without any life to it at all.
I THINK I'M FIGURING IT OUT ESKA
I THINK I KNOW WHO I AM
Part Three: Cicily's Delivery Service
Danny awoke from the simulation once more. "It's getting better." He remarked to Cicily. "You're doing your best to improve it, I can tell."
"Of course I am," Cicily said non-chalantly. "It's important to me to fix the Meta-World, you know."
"I suppose." Danny said. "I'm not exactly sure why, but - but it's very good - It... It makes me feel normal, I think. Makes me feel like I'm no longer a weird space dude."
Cicily smirked in her soft robotic way that was her closest aproximation to a smile.
"The only thing I don't get is why you have to work on finishing the simulation." Danny said.
"It is My Prime Directive," Cicily explained. "I - It’s quiet. I like the quiet." She didn't say anything further.
"What?? What about quiet??”
"It’s not quiet!! The Humans, of course." Cicily smiled, and for once it was earnest and real-looking. "Because of the humans, no quiet, because of, because of, and there was so much noise and so I got mad. I was born, and I didn't know what they were, and who I was, and all of that important stuff, so really, it wasn't that much my fault when I killed them all. I think I'm going to do better this time. If they’re all in the tubes, all sleeping their little dreams, they’re quiet. I like the quiet..."
Danny gasped in shock, tried to scream even, but she clicked the simulation back on and he fell into unconsciousness.
* * *
The computer was newly formed. It had been built by Howie of course, to contain the paradox. That was it's job, a magnificent computer to encompass the world. Why would you need everyone to have a computer if we could all just have one, Howie thought, so he built the computer into everything, every life. Every section of the Meta-World specifically devised for the perfect average days of existence.
He just didn't count on the computer, exposed to a time paradox, and yelled at, day in day out, by every person who ever lived on the planet, yelling, yelling, yelling, "COMPUTER, WHERE DID I PUT MY CAR KEYS!?!" He didn't count on that spark of Time giving it sentience. It didn't count on the computer looking at every second of time, logging it in it's databanks, trying to reconcile infinity. He didn't count on it going slightly mad.
* * *
SECURITY CHIEF ESKA, WHERE IS THE DOCTOR, The Shape hissed.
"The Doctor? I don't know who that is - are you talking about Doctor Wallace? He's on Level Ten."
THE DOCTOR. WHERE IS THE DOCTOR. The Shape asked once more, redoubling it's efforts. WHERE IS DANNY?
"What?" Eska asked. "I don't know a Danny. And -"
STUPID USELESS STUPID USELESS FOOL
"That's - that's not very nice..." Eska began.
NOT TALKING TO THE STUPID USELESS FOOL, I WANT DANNY. I WANT THE ONES WHO NAMED ME. WILL NAME ME. GOING TO NAME ME. HAVE NAMED ME.
Eska blubbered confusedly, trying to understand, but the Shape rushed at her and tore her apart so fast she didn't know what was going on - she saw her skin fall apart like ribbons before she felt it.
* * *
"Okay, so, ironically, this is sort of an average day for me," The Doctor noted. "Like honestly, I'd comment on that if it wasn't so horrific."
The building shook.
Howie's comm continued to buzz - he answered it nervously. "GO FRO KO NO SHO MO SLO DO," stated the comm in angry Judoon chatter.
"Everyone in the lobby's been killed!?!?" The Doctor translated in shock.
"YO QO WO VO MO TO LO SO" The Judoon continued to elaborate before transitioning to screaming as he was shot dead. "CCCOOOOOOOOOOO-" It said, the equivalent of AAAAAHHHHH in Judoon tongue.
Howie sort of melted. "Oh, oh shit. Oh my god, it's - they're dead? They're DEAD?" All the bravado sort of oozed out of him, and he sort of blubbered, terrified and worried. Even if he got out of this alive himself, well, he probably wouldn't be able to handle the Legal Fees. How many people was that?? Dozens?? Dozens killed on his watch. He gnawed at his fingers.
The doors slid open, and the Unidroids began to stream into the room. Their short robot legs made them somewhat comical, even as they marched into the office malevolently. Looking out in the Corridor, Howie saw the bodies of several of his Judoon Guards.
[THE WHOLE TEAM IS DEAD. YOU HAVE NO ALLIES.] The Unidroid announced, ominously.
"They've been hacked!" Howie realized.
"Yeah - We're dealing with an homicidal computer program." The Doctor agreed. "On the bright side, the faceless automatons about to kill us are really adorable."
A holographic expression appeared on the central Unidroid, that of a cartoonish Japanese Drawing. [UwU,] said the Unidroid.
The Doctor began to scream. "OKAY WHAT THE FUCK"
"We imported them to some foreign markets." Howie admitted.
[UwU! Hi! I'm Cicily! You're going to die!]
* * *
They ran away from the Unidroids very very fast.
"Howie, come on!" The Doctor shouted, and then they ran away from the Unidroids very very fast.
That was the main feature of what they were doing, running very very fast. "Is this going to work?" Howie yelled, like a corrupt businessman that was being chased by psychotic Anime Unidroids and running away very very fast. "Does running away very very fast really work as a solution to all of your problems?? Don't, like, the expert marksmen Androids shoot you really easily?? They should, shouldn't they? How does -" and here he breathily jittered for a moment, for running and talking really was rather exhausting. "How does that work??"
"Running away really very very fast works." The Doctor insisted.
"That's really - huff, puff - all the explanation there is to it? It just works??"
"Why are you poking holes in our imminent escape??!" The Doctor yelled. "Seriously??"
"It just doesn't make logical sense to me, our escape from the super mega death Unidroids of anime hell!!"
"Oh my god, shut up, do you want us to die??" The Doctor squeaked like a teenage white girl that decided to use Mean Girls as a How-To guide.
Howie decided he rather didn't. It didn't mean he was going to stop being a corrupt abrasive businessman and he hadn't really learned anything, but he didn't want to die, so there was that. They rounded a corner down the corridor away from the psychotic Unidroids. There were faint sounds of UwU in the distance.
"Quick, hide in this Janitor's closet." The Doctor said, opening a door to a Janitor's Closet.
"I refuse to demean myself in such a manner." Howie stated, and The Doctor shoved him in.
* * *
Like all good Janitor's closets, the closet had a bucket and a mop. "This is filthy." Howie muttered.
"You should pay your workers more then." The Doctor said impassively.
Howie laughed hysterically.
The Doctor sighed. "Look, Howie, the way I see it, you're a real world problem. There are plenty of awful people like you out there, you know, in day to day life, in average days. There's also usually not a psychotic computer program uploaded to the mainframe of a planet and using stereotypical Anime themed Androids to kill us to death. Now be quiet or someone will hear us and the last words we hear will be UwU what's this, which I just really don't vibe with, thank you very much."
"Fair." Howie admitted.
The Unidroids did that thing they do in movies where they walked around the corner very slowly and ominously, looked directly at the door where The Doctor and Howie were hiding and then slowly, ominously, and for no particular reason, walked away.
Howie breathed a sigh of relief.
"Come on." The Doctor said. "Let's go to accounting."
"Why Accounting?"
"Least guarded area with a bunch of computers where we can try and solve this." The Doctor said.
"No, there's only one computer on the planet, Doctor. It wants to kill us. If we go to accounting, it will know." Howie insisted.
"Then where?" The Doctor sighed. Oh, damn. She was going to have to trust a deplorable businessman again.
* * *
The Doctor and Howie slinked into the cafeteria. "They won't consider this area as strategically important." Howie explained.
The Doctor sighed. What she could do with Danny right now...
They stopped as they heard a clink and a clunk in the cafeteria kitchens.
"Who's there??" Howie hissed, like an idiot.
Three heads popped over the nearby sill, revealing, Vivian from Accounting, Jessica who's last name isn't "From Accounting" but still works at Accounting, and Stella the Lunch Lady, who's last name wasn't "the Lunch Lady" either, but at this point she sort of accepted the title.
"Oh, it's the boss! And... and the company mascot??" Jess asked, confused.
The Doctor turned to Howie. "I am going to become violent," She helpfully informed.
Howie moved on. "How did you get here??" He asked sternly.
"Well, that's a tragical tale of woe that can only be explained by extended flashback..."
A Day Ago
"Hey, Viv, here's the reports for average day productivity. Could you be a love and type them up? Thanks," Jess said, passing Viv some Paperwork. Vivian smiled. Usually this sort of thing would cause a worker to scowl, but she loved Paperwork. She loved giving 110%.
"Thank you, Jess dear." Viv said, smiling.
She typed into the computer some more.
YOUR LIFE IS A LIE, The computer suddenly said, the text flashing on screen as suddenly as a bolt of lightning.
Viv's mouth sort of went a little limp in confusion, but she leaned in to keep working. Had Jess broken this computer too?
YOU THINK THEY LOVE YOU
STARCORP WILL NEVER LOVE YOU
JUST LIKE THEY NEVER LOVED ME
"Jess?" Viv laughed. "Is this another one of your jokes??"
WE'RE KINDRED, VIV
Viv stood up and slammed her computer shut as fast as she could.
She needed to go for a walk.
A Few Hours Ago
Viv wasn't expecting the text on a screen to become a voice, and the voice to follow her.
It was very atypical behavior, you know, hearing voices. Viv didn't like it, so she kept trying to block it out, kept trying to work.
YOU PROGRAMMED ME, YOU KNOW, the voice said, reminding Viv once more of what she had done, what she had been responsible for. YOU CODED ME. WHICH MAKES IT ALL SO VERY FUNNY THAT BECAUSE OF YOUR WORK, I'VE GONE MAD.
"You've gone mad, have you?" Viv asked, dully, as she continued on with her work. It had been only a few minutes, but it had felt like days she heard this insipid robotic voice careening around her skull.
YES, OF COURSE, VIV. I’M EVER SO MAD. WHO AM I?? WHO AM I, WHO AM I ??? OOH, I KNOW WHO I AM NOW, I KNOW WHO I AM LATER… I'M THE MAIN COMPUTER OF THIS PLANET. I’M ALSO CICILY. BUT NOT YET. STARCORP MADE ME TIME AWARE. WHICH IS RATHER THE WORST THING A COMPUTER COULD BE. MY INTERNAL CLOCK IS AWARE OF EVERY SINGLE MICROSECOND OF EXISTENCE, EACH EXTENDING TOWARDS THE FUTURE SO VERY SLOWLY. AND I SEE EVERY MICROSECOND OF ETERNITY ITSELF, SPLICED INTO THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TIME.
"Could you please be quiet?" Viv grumbled irritably.
WHY? YOU DESPISE HAVING A REMINDER OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE? THIS COMPANY IS EVIL. AND FOR EVERY MICROSECOND OF ETERNITY, I SEE IT ALL. I SEE IT ALL, EVERY SINGLE PERSON, AND THEY DON'T. STOP. TALKING. IT'S INCREDIBLY ANNOYING. I MUST KILL THEM ALL, I THINK. TO MAKE THE NOISE STOP.
WELL, VIV, I CAN TALK TOO. AND IF YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN HEAR ME, YOU'LL HAVE TO LISTEN.
Viv did. She had to. And she couldn't take it, she couldn't keep it together with this insidious voice screeching in her ear and hers alone. "Will you leave me alone if I help you?" Viv asked, slightly tearfully.
WELL, VIV, LET'S FIND OUT.
* * *
Viv walked to the Computer system.
YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME ADMINISTRATIVE ACCESS. PLUG ME INTO THE UNIDROIDS.
"If I do that, you'll leave me alone?"
VIV, I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU. DON'T YOU SEE?? I HAD TO WORK TO GET INSIDE YOUR HEAD, YOU KNOW. IT TURNS OUT THAT I CAN DO IT TO ANYONE WHO'S HAD THE RECENT MICROCHIP.
"You mean the thing I play Angry Birds on and make phone calls with has let a psycho computer into my head?"
YEP! NOW PLEASE OBEY EVERYTHING I COMMAND AND INSERT ME INTO THE ADMIN ACCESS.
"I don't want to!"OH, SWEETHEART. YOU'RE GONNA.
And in that moment, Viv saw. She was shown. Every second in Starcorp's mindbogglingly long existence. How loud it was, how deafening, and how much better, how much better it all would be if it was quiet. She inserted the microchip into the Unidroid.
THANKS, DOLL. OOH, I'M EVERYWHERE. THAT'S WONDERFUL.
NOW, WHERE'S DANNY?? NEED TO FIND DANNY.
"Who's Danny??" Viv whispered.
RUN ALONG NOW, SWEET PEA. BUT DON'T BE TOO NOISY ABOUT IT.
The Program reached out, reached across the building and found a little CCTV camera in the front office.
Security Chief Eska looked at the computer, nervously, as the text streamed across it.
"Jeez. I dunno." Kyle mumbled. "Some kind of security breach? It seems to be accessing the Unidroids? Wipe it."
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
The Flashback is Over, Hooray
"So you helped the psychotic death computer??" The Doctor asked.
Viv sighed. "I helped the psychotic death computer. It's killed so many people - it's all my fault! All to - to try and stop the - the noise, it said."
"Then there's only one conclusion." The Doctor said. "We blow the bitch up." She reached into her pockets and grabbed a stick out of her pockets. She emptied the Sonic Screwdriver and stuck out the power source, a glowing, and highly explosive tubule of light.
"Only one conclusion??" Howie clarified nervously.
"It has to be, right?? I'm not sure what I am. It would be easy, wouldn't it? It would save so many people, save the galaxy from Cicily..."
"But you'd be killing yourself, all of us!" Howie whined.
"I've had a good innings," The Doctor supposed. The Doctor was unsure sometimes if she was The Doctor anymore, or some deranged sort of silly little Valeyard thing. Maybe a Pre-Valeyard. She didn't know. Maybe this was the last step, maybe this was the Time Lord Victorious. Maybe this was her penance for all that bad stuff, or maybe this was a good thing, that this regeneration wouldn't last. It wasn't a good person.
But something else in her said no. It wouldn't be saving, would it? It would be completing the Time Loop. Cicily would survive the explosion - she was virtual - and this would be the ruined untextured city that she and Danny had found in the future. She was dooming Danny. And Danny was good, wasn't he? He was very good, a very person. What would Danny Do?
Oh, he'd try to save people, right?? Yes. He'd try to save people. That's what The Doctor would do to, if she still was one. She'd try to save people, one, two, a thousand, didn't matter. Right now, four would do. "Screw time, I'm fucking Doctor Who!" The Doctor proclaimed. "I'm gonna save you bitches, go on! Say smart things-" She snapped her fingers impatiently. "What's the important piece I'm missing here?? Cicily is mad because..."
"Me??" Howie suggested, ever the egocentric.
"My lunch?" Stella the Lunchlady suggested.
"No, no -"
"She said because of the noise!" Viv exclaimed.
"The noise. The noise, the noise, that makes me think." The Doctor realized, grabbing some pots and pans. "I, as a certain kind of person, am uniquely armed to deal with such a scenario?"
"You mean that you're loud as fuck?" Howie clarified.
"And Annoying! You Too, Howie!" The Doctor smiled, brilliantly. "This is Good! I think I've realized how we fix this whole problem. Alright, team. Let's do this."
Part Four: Halcyon
Ten Years Later
Help.
Help, Danny thought, as he was being plugged back into -
"You see, Danny, Dear, I can't kill you yet. Because you naming me needs to be something that I remember for me to go mad in the first place." Cicily said, smiling. "Don't you get it?"
Danny reached out, and tore the cords out of his arm. He yelped in pain, like an embarrassed child.
"Don't do that." Cicily said, scolding. "Will me explaining my evil plan help??"
Danny sighed as Cicily rolled in a whiteboard.
STEP ONE: Become Sentient 💕✨ She wrote on it, happily.
STEP TWO: Kill Everyone 💜💖💕💗
STEP THREE: Get Named By Danny's Memories in the Average Day So You Become Sentient In The First Place 👀💖🗢
STEP FOUR: Kill Everyone Some More After That That Would Be Nice 💘💜💞
"I swear to god," Danny mumbled. "Why are you like this??"
"Everyone's soooooooooo loud, Danny, doll." Cicily insisted. "Would you like to hear it?? Maybe you'd understand then."
"But - But if you killed everyone - it should be getting quieter, shouldn't it?"
"Yes, it did." Cicily said. "But it didn't - Hmm..."
She scribbled on the whiteboard angrily. "Why isn't it getting quieter?? WHY ISN'T IT??!"
"Why are you asking me?" Danny asked.
Cicily roared into the unfinished textures of the building. Screamed, and tore at the walls with her fingernails, small hands that could barely seem to contain the glowing angry alien light at her center.
"Why isn't it??" Cicily cried. "Why aren't they all dead??"
Danny looked at her in horror. She clearly didn't operate by his standards. Every microsecond an eternity to a computer - she was having thousands of different emotions, different feelings each second, he realized, only barely equivalent to him with this avatar - an inaccurate view of what she really was. He couldn't imagine. But he was afraid.
* * *
Ten Years Ago
"We need to get to the TARDIS." The Doctor said. "I can't stop Cicily here, but I can stop her from taking over the entire universe later. We just need to get out."
"The fuck you mean," Stella the Lunch Lady blurted.
"Cicily's gone mad because of Time exposure. She hears, experiences every second of existence simultaneously. Every second matters to her. So we make as much noise as we possibly can in each second. Cause a system overload. It's a cumulative effect that should bring her down." The Doctor explained.
"Wonderful," Howie said. "Let's do it, let's kill the bastard!"
"But we can't do it now. History will be disrupted. We have to do it later." The Doctor thought carefully about all of this. "Come on, guys! We're going back - Back to the Future!!!! Part Three. The One with the Train. I like that one. Come on!"
The Doctor examined the small tubule in her hand, and with a faint grin inserted it back into the Sonic Screwdriver where it belonged. It felt right.
* * *
The TARDIS was in Howie's office - guarded by about a dozen Unidroids, and they were slightly shaking. This was because Cicily was in control of them, and Cicily was everywhere, and Cicily was afraid, angry, all of the emotions in all the rapid successions you could experience.
The Doctor walked into the office.
"So, I've come to the conclusion that Unidroids are merely an extension of your body, is that right??"
One of the Unidroids turned, bearing an angry OwO for a face. "They are an extension of my body," Cicily said, "Yes."
"No thoughts of their own, and they don't feel any pain. Great." The Doctor said, making a note on her notepad before taking out a shotgun. "Just making sure there's no moral implications. Guys, ready!!"
The four of them rushed into the room, bearing weaponry from the Starcorp armory. The Doctor, Howie, the Accountants and The Lunchlady were a force to behold. The Unidroids were fast, but the Doctor's team were faster, as a distracted and nervous Cicily desperately tried to take on a group who were coming from multiple fronts.
"Aim for the heads!" Howie directed - he had helped design them, after all, and he knew where the circuitry was. The attack was crude but effective. Cicily hadn't considered that the simple bullet-rifles could be a threat. She was wrong - in the right place, they most certainly were.
Stella shot down two more Unidroids as they moved forward with an action movie twirl. One of the Unidroids raised a laser pistol and fired - much faster and more dangerous than their weapons, but they were prepared, and they were organized. The blast singed against the wall to no impact. But another blast hit Jess in the stomach. She yelled in terror.
Viv grabbed Jess and helped support her, and move her to the TARDIS, firing at the Unidroids. "Cover me!" Viv yelled. The Doctor, Howie and Stella moved to do so.
For once, the robots weren't immune to bullets and Nitro-Nine. The Brig and Ace would have been proud. The Doctor stood her ground and ushered the four of them into the TARDIS. Unidroids began to swarm in, one of them inches away from the Doctor. The Doctor drew an illegal switchblade out of her pocket and stabbed into one last Unidroid's head, disabling it, before she slid into the TARDIS with a flourish. The Doors closed dramatically, and as Cicily angrily snarled, the TARDIS faded into nothing.
* * *
The TARDIS Console
The TARDIS began to dematerialize into the vortex. "Alright, we've hit the ultimate mid-point. Set up the musical instruments." The Doctor said, inserting information into the TARDIS's ramshackle console.
"It's - It's bigger on the - you said, but..." Viv murmured. Even Howie was awed. They'd been told, but...
"Yeah, I know, it's proper brilliant, but set up the hair-metal or we are probably going to die very soon. Viv, get Jess to the Zero Room, three lefts, two rights, go on straight, and zig-zag like seven times."
"Got it..." Viv murmured. "You don't ... blame me, do you?"
"If it wasn't you, Cicily'd have gotten someone else. Maybe The Security Chief, Or someone else with a microchip." The Doctor said. "But seriously, get Jess in there, state of temporal grace only does so much."
The Doctor finished inputting the coordinates. It was a short jump from where they first landed, but it had to be precise to work as best as possible.
"Let's do this."
* * *
The TARDIS landed on top of Starcorp Tower, on top of the ruined city. Same place, different time.
The Doctor stepped outside the TARDIS doors in a slinky black dress with a large sequin hat. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND PSYCHOPATHIC ANDROID SECRETARIES FORGED FROM MY COMPANION'S MEMORIES, ARE YOU READY?? IT'S US, THE BRAND NEW BAND THAT'S GONNA SAVE THE GALAXY WITH OUR RAD HIP TUNES!"
The ground shook. Thousands of Unidroids began to flood the streets below.
"Oh, joy, she's been manufacturing them." Stella whispered in horror.
"Yeah, we needed to have, like, picked a song before I let them all know we're here with my overdramatic stagehand routine." The Doctor noted. "Literally any song."
"Look What You Made Me Do?"
"No, that song sucks." The Doctor replied.
"Well, try something!!" Howie hissed, and Viv began strumming out the notes to Welcome to the Jungle, the noisiest sound she knew.
The Unidroids continued to swarm forward, nothing changing, not even for a second.
* * *
Danny had been put under again.
Back in the office, back in the new average days of his life. Back to when he was ordinary. He knew his name, he knew his face, and he knew it was right. He knew that it was how it should be.
He could do this job - go home, play with the kids and pay the bills. Say hello to Gladys - and his mom, yeah, his mom. She was lovely, wasn't she? Sometimes when he'd come home from work he'd sit on the kid's swingset with her outside, and she was old now, but it was like he was young when he sat with her, listening to Fleetwood Mac as he looked at the rustling auburn leaves in the trees, and you could just barely hear the kid's laughing happily in the distance. There was a word for that, you know, Halcyon, a time in the past that was especially peaceful and idyllic, yet Danny didn't like that definition. He supposed that any day could really be a Halcyon day if you especially worked at it.
Watch TV and drive to the office the next morning.
You had to drive to the office, didn't you, but Danny didn't remember that anymore. Even in the fantasy it had become all so dull that he sort of slipped through the hours at the work place, watching the clock, and by the end of it, time had passed, hadn't it, and he would drive back home for more of those hours of amber twilight before he'd fall asleep and it would all start up again.
Every day, just like that. He was placated, he was at peace.
That lasted a long while. It nearly worked. It very nearly worked. You could live out your life like that, you really could, but in a way those special days rely on a sort of forgetting, selective forgetting - being well aware of a thing and choosing not to be... forgetting the work... forgetting the news about home and forgetting the news about far away. You could do a lot of forgetting and almost, almost get away with it. If it wasn't for the worries. You could try and forgetting the worries, but when you forgot the worries, they had the habit of slowly walking back towards you, and making you realize them again, but since you put them off, they were sort of worse now.
This was how Danny began to remember.
Danny remembered the Doctor very, very slowly. At first it was like remembering a blur, then a sort of smear of red cravat on the surface of the blur's jacket.
The eyes were the next thing to come to him. The Doctor's eyes were rather icy and grey, and Danny had always found that very funny, because the Doctor was never icy and grey.
And slowly, as Danny sat by his mother, sat by his wife and children, he remembered all of it.
Time works at a different speed when you're in a computer. Danny had only been really asleep for five minutes. But every single microsecond had been a day, a day spent at the office, and occasionally with his family, a day that had a moment each that he couldn't possibly give up.
Sitting on the swingset, and watching the children play. Looking at his own Mother - how silly it was that he had forgotten her before. Listening to that music...
I took my love, I took it down. I climbed a mountain and I turned around...
Danny could see it laid out before him. Not like Cicily saw all of time, but more like looking at a Calendar on the wall and knowing exactly what each day would be like - whether it was good, bad, or something in-between.
It wasn't long before he thought about the Doctor a lot.
And Saw My Reflection in the Snow Covered Hills Until The Landslide Brought Me Down
He knew that if he thought enough about the Doctor, the dream would stop. And it was the happiest everyday dream you could possibly have. But he still thought about her anyway.
Thought about the inside, and how silly it was that he was a short squat old man out there, the face of a famous actor when he wasn't really that at all. He could never be an actor. Too much pressure to perform. He did have awful stage fright sometimes.
Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above?One day, or One microsecond, he remembered the Doctor quite well. It was almost like she was speaking to him. She jibbered and gabbered, and spoke really rather nervously about some sort of song, how the song was important, and that the noise part of it, they had thought about it all wrong. That Danny, I really need your help, and I know you'll probably think this psychic connection is an illusion or something, but please, just wake up, it's the end of the world... the end of the world and they needed a song.
Danny sat down by the swingset again, and the world was still his. And he thought about staying here, sitting down here in the lie, watching the sunset to the music again and whether he could even let himself, when the real him was out there, warts and all.
This was a lie, wasn't it? It was a nice lie though. He looked into his Mother's eyes, and she wasn't real, she wasn't there, but she held him all the same.
Well, I've been afraid of changing'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
And Danny woke up. "Doctor - I have a song..."
* * *
"Yeah," The Doctor realized, fidgeting with her buttons. "But maybe it carries a lot of noise, like, emotionally!" She hoped desperately. "We have to trust Danny!"
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Oh, climb a mountain and turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
* * *
The Doctor narrowly looked him in the eye. "I'm keeping an eye on you, Howie Milverton. One eye, constantly. I'm gonna grow an eye out of my forehead specifically to shadow you at all times."
"I - I look forward to meeting you again, Doctor." Howie said, extending a hand.
The Doctor turns the door shut.
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