(MAIN RANGE): Dinnertime Part One

MAIN RANGE: Dinnertime Part One

This Story Stars Judi Dench as The Twenty Sixth Doctor and David Tennant as The Tenth

Featuring Danny Devito as Danny Devito and John Simm as The Master

This Story Takes Place Between A Storm Is A Comin and The Countryfile Conundrum

Chapter One

"It is said that in the final days of planet earth, everyone had bad dreams. To the west...of the...north... of this world...everyone did...gather? What even is that sentence- um, Sorry, Ah, here we are. IN THE CELEBRATION, of a Pagan rite to banish the cold and the Dark. Each and everyone of those people had nightmares of the pretty mild (for the human race) terror to come (I mean, I think the Dalek invasion was way worse). Everyone except Fred. There's nothing special about Fred, he's not really important to the story, but all the same, he had a dream about shopping, and it was rather average. Okay, so, to sum up. Everyone had bad dreams on Earth, except Fred. They all forgot...Except for one."

The Narrator stopped for breath. "We good with that take? I mean, It sounds rather rubbish."

"We'll get Timothy Dalton to re dub it in post production," Russell T Davies said. "Okay, let's get back on it, people! Ready, places, action-"

Wilf is walking down the street, and John Simm yells in his head more hammily than Anthony Ainley on Aderall.

He goes into the Church to talk to the woman.

And across the street, the TARDIS dematerializes.

"Christmas Eve, London, 2009." The Doctor said, her and Danny stepping out of the TARDIS. "Why'd it have to be now? Why did the TARDIS send us here?"

"Where is here, Doc?" Danny asked.

"Well, this is...look, I can't explain it, Danny, but it's my regeneration story for a while back. It's...um, well...Have you seen Tommy Wiseau's The Room?"

"No."

"It's basically that."

John Simm's transparent face appears in people's heads and continues to laugh manically.

"Wait, what? Huh?" Danny said, yelling. "What the-"

"Everyone forgets about this." The Doctor said. "It's rather embarrassing, everyone sees transparent John Simm laughing at them and forgets instantly. Anyway, I don't get why the TARDIS won't depart, but we're stuck here. Right now, I'll be being bugged by the Ood." The Doctor said. "We have to avoid my past self's regeneration at all cost, Danny. We gotta."

"Why?" Danny asked.

"Well, It'd be like super bad

Even if there's no consequences for multi-docs whatsoever it'd be super bad." The Doctor said. "We can't interfere at all. Even if the Master is starting up a super weird cult that just straight up uses fucking magic."

"Oh my god let's go see that-"

"Yes, lets."

Chapter Two

Lucy Saxon sat in her prison cell, and a woman came in. She was obviously Judi Dench in a latex mask. Judi Dench in the Latex mask tried reapplying it, but it didn't work well to conceal her at all.

"Dame Judi Dench, why are you visiting my prison cell?" Lucy Saxon asked.

"Aw, fuck, I. Um." The Doctor sputtered. "No clue, really. I just know what's gonna happen because I'm a time traveller and so me and Danny Devito- look, he's over there, dressed as the Penguin from Batman Returns, um, we're going to sit here and act surprised when you get kidnapped by the Governor and Miss Trefusis."

"Um, what-"

"Oh, darn. I spoiled it for you. You, um, definitely aren't getting kidnapped."

Five seconds later, Miss Trefusis and The Govenor walked in.

"Mrs Saxon. Let me introduce myself. I'm your new Governor. I'm afraid the previous Governor met with something of an accident, which took quite some time to arrange. Miss Trefusis, if you will prepare. You kept your silence well, Mrs Saxon. Your trial was held in secret, with no jury, so no one knows who Harold Saxon was, where he came from, why you killed him. Make her kneel. There are those of us who never lost faith. And in his wisdom, Harold Saxon prepared for this moment. He knew that he might die and he made us ready. Tonight, Mrs Saxon, he returns."

"Oh my god this is even more ridiculous than I thought It'd be," The Doctor said, laughing to Danny.

Miss Trefusis bagged all three of them into a Potato sack.

A flip wipe later, they were all plopped into the middle of where the Cult of Saxon readied a resurrection.

"As it was written in the Secret Books of Saxon, these are the Potions of Life."

"Wow, the writer doesn't need to change anything to make this fucking ridiculous." The Doctor commented. She and Danny got up and walked to the corner, as the resurrection continued. The cult convieniently paid them no heed.

Miss Trefusis raised the Signet ring ominously.

"A ring! Oh my god, this is...this is too much."

"And now, give us, like, your lipstick. Because we can bring The Master back to life with someone you kissed in an alternate timeline that never happened, who you haven't seen for like, three years."

"Aw fuck" said Lucy Saxon as they took their lipstick. "I can't believe you've done this"

Naked John Simm dematerializes above them.

"Never. Never. Never. Never. Never dying. Never dying! Never dying! Never dying! Never dying! Bwahahahahahaha! Oh, Lucy. Sweet Lucy Saxon. My ever faithful. Did the widow's kiss bring me back to life?"

"You're Killing Them!

"Oh, let them die. They're just the first. The whole stupid, stinking, human disgrace can fall into the pit. Can't you hear it, Lucy? The noise? The drumbeat louder than ever before. The drums. The never ending drums. Oh, I have missed them."

The Doctor got out the lawn chairs and popcorn, and they continued to watch.

Lucy called to him. "But no-one knew you better than I did. I knew you'd come back. And all this time, your disciples have prepared. But so have we."
Lucy took a small vial from a prison officer who was not an acolyte of Saxon.
"What are you doing?" Naked John Simm yelled.
The Secret Books of Saxon spoke of the Potions of Life. And I was never that bright, but my family had contacts. People who were clever enough to calculate the opposite!"
"Oh my god this is fucking ridiculous" Naked John Simm spat
"Till death do us part, Harry!"
Darth Vader's NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO from Revenge of The Sith was dubbed over John Simm as there was a big dumb explosion.

The Doctor and Danny continued to eat popcorn.

"Well, that was fucking exquisite." Danny said.

Chapter Three

Wilf was talking to the silver cloak. "He's tall and thin, wears a brown suit, maybe a blue suit, modern sort of hair, all sticky-uppy, right? Oh and on page two, be on the lookout for a police box, especially like those old ones-"

"I want to fuck him" said Minnie

"Yeah, all right, all right. Now listen, this is important. We have got to find it, right? So phone around. Phone everybody. Sally, will you get onto the Bridge club? Right. Winston, you try the old boys. Bobby, want you to ring the skiffle band, right? Between us, we've got the city covered."

Winston, a random other old character, perked up. Who is he, then, this Doctor?


"No,I can't tell you that. I swear." Wilf said. "Yeah, but answer me this. Have you been having bad dreams? All of you? Dreams you can't remember? Yeah. Well, that's why we need him. We need the Doctor more than ever."

Then Judi Dench and Danny Devito came up to them. "Hi," Judi Dench said. "I'm looking for the nearest quarry. I'm like a quarry person, you know where one is?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, right around the bend, Dame Judi." Wilf said.

"Thanks, Wilf." Dame Judi Dench said, walking away with Danny Devito.

"Judi Dench said Thanks to me! Yee-haw!" Screamed Wilf.

Meanwhile,

Ginger and Tommo, two homeless men are talking with Sarah, a woman selling charity burgers.

"Onions?"

"Sure," Tommo says, and Ginger shrugs.

"Don't forget tomorrow night's Broadcast with President Obama," Sarah says.

"We're fucking homeless," complains Ginger, walking away from the van.

John Simm walks up, rocking a hoodie.

"What can we get you sir?"

"Everything, I'm so hungry hahahahahahahiigiutuhhahidshahhahaahsiahhsdhiaefihsh" said The Master.

"They say President's gonna save the world with a big financial scheme or whatever-" Tommo muttered as The Master walked over.

"oh somebodys lively on his feet!" Tommo said.

"starving" The Master said.

"now you see thats what you dont want to do eat it all at once tempting i know but if you make it last it can last all day"

"want more want cheese n chips n meat n gravy n cream n beer and pork n beef n fat great big chunks of hot wet red" The Master sputtered.

"good for you mate maybe we'd better be going" Tommo muttered

"YOU LOOK LIKE THAT B L O K E harold saxon the one that went MA D" Ginger responded.

"hehehe isnt that funny isnt that just the best thing of all. the master of disguise STUCK looking like

the old PRIME MINISTER i can't hide anywhere he can see me he can smell me can't let him smell me doctor docto r got to stop the smell the stink the filthy filthy stink ginger come with me right now because it's FUNNY don't you see look at me i'm SPLITTING MY SIDES i am HILARIOUS i am the funniest thing in the whole wide WORL D

"A a. sARAH GOD HELP US THERE'S THIS MAN"

" DINNERTIME"

The Doctor and Danny walk in to see John Simm having a fucking seizure.

They back away slowly.

Chapter Four

David Tennant appears on a cliffside, posing dramatically for the promos.

The Master meanwhile, begins banging on an oil drum with a stick and laughing maniacally, before doing his fucking plastic man impression and leaping through the air.

"Master. You're burning up your life force! Also are you even healthy are you okay like what are you even doing"

"I used my season 3 paycheck for Cocaine" Screams The John Simm Master, levitating and spinning around in midair like a broken Blender animation.

Suddenly the Doctor rushes in. "Danny, we have a problem! The End of Time script is infecting the story!"

"What?" Danny asks, rushing in as well.

"Over half of the story has been copied from a script on the website and copypastas, and it's spreading! The End of Time, if left unchecked, could replace the entire NCJDDAS with the End of Time script, over and over! We need to break the end of time for it to work! before It spreads over our- want more want cheese n chips n meat n gravy n cream n beer and pork n beef n fat great big chunks of hot wet red" Screamed The Doctor, now infected with the End of Time script.

"Um, excuse me, who are you exactly?" Asked The David Tennant Doctor.

"She's not supposed to be here!" Complained High on Cocaine John Simm, walking over. "We can't afford Judi Dench and Danny Devito in this, get out!"

Russell T Davies ran in and tried to push the now foaming at the mouth Judi Dench off of the set.

"doctor docto r got to stop the smell the stink the filthy filthy stink" Screamed The Judi Dench Doctor as Russell T Davies screamed "CUT" and the story faded to black...

To Be Continued...

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor
David Tennant as The Doctor/Himself
John Simm as The Master/Himself
Bernard Cribbins as Wilfred Mott
Danny Devito as Danny
Russell T Davies as Himself
Alexandra Moen as Lucy Saxon
Steven Moffat as The Not Dubbed By Timothy Dalton Yet Narrator
June Whitfield as Minnie
Sylvia Semour as Miss Trefusis
Teresa Banham as The Governor
Pete Lee Wilson as Tommo
Dwayne Scantleburry as Ginger