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Showing posts from April, 2020

Torchwood: Fall To Earth

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Outside The Government. Beyond The Police. Makes A Mean Coffee. Fall to Earth by James Goss An Hour of Insurance Agent Babble. Somehow Enjoyable. These are the two sentences that come to my mind describing Fall To Earth, a legitimately well constructed (mostly) Two-hander story, that although nears on the boring side for most of the runtime, has some of the most surprisingly good endings to a story of this type that I've heard. Ianto and Insurance Woman are both extremely well characterized, and the opening is very funny. Ianto has some good, cleverly written interplay throughout. And the ending, how it ties together some of it's subliminal, seemingly unimportant plot threads, reminds me of an Agatha Christie novel, and certainly one of the better ones. Yes, Fall To Earth has a considerably strong reputation, and I won't be one to deny, what it does do well, it does positively perfectly.The problem is I was struggling to pay attention. I have never seen a story tur

Torchwood: One Rule

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For Queen and Country. Yvonne Hartman, a minor character on television Doctor Who, seemed to me an odd choice for an overwhelming amount of appearances in Big Finish.  Boy, was I an idiot.  Yvonne Hartman, simply rules.  One Rule is a seemingly ordinary story that delves into a twisted little character drama, and the best thing about it, is this amazingly fabulous and ruthless lead, who unlike so many characters in similar morality tales, has the audience genuinely second guessing her motives, never sure of how she will react, and what her Endgame is. One Rule is very funny as well, and the Yvonne's opening Torchwood narration is exquisite. I can't find a negative thing to say about this one, a meticulously crafted script, that verges on truly perfect. Why would Yvonne Hartman be worthy of a spinoff, you ask?  Fool.  Give this one a listen, and if you aren't enrapt by Tracy Ann Oberman's delicious portrayal of the character at the end, you probably do

NCJDDAS: Tinker, Tailor, Master, Spy

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NCJDDAS: Tinker, Tailor, Master, Spy Chapter One The TARDIS materialized. The Doctor stepped out, wearing a cricket uniform with a stick of celery on the lapel.  “A Cruise Liner.” said The Doctor, to Roman and Danny, who each stepped out, Danny in a T-Shirt and Roman in an olive long coat with a black tight-knit sweater. “We’re on a cruise liner.” she said, weirded out.  A monk passed her.  Not the alien species known as The Monks, but a seemingly christian monk in a dark robe, who moved past them without notice. “I didn’t know Monks did cruises.” said Danny.  “Of course they don’t.” grumbled Roman. “And Doctor, I would care a great deal if we went back to Gallifrey so Danny can be reintegrated into the timeline and die.”  “Gee, thanks.” said Danny, crossing his arms like a repressed teenager.  “Danny, your cosmic existence is a fluke. You should have died three times now, and one of those actually happened. Your entire timeline was rewritten by the Daleks so you

Torchwood: Tropical Beach Sounds And Other Relaxing Seascapes Volume #4

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You will get your Biscuits. A literary review of Tropical Beach Sounds and Other Relaxing Seascapes Volume Four is very difficult, in that Tropical Beach Sounds defies literally every format that Big Finish has ever done in its 21 years of audio. Tropical Beach Sounds relies on such things as interjecting the listener into the narrative, memetic sayings, insulting the viewer, including the entire Torchwood cast, and Narration from S I R   M I C H A E L   P A L I N. Holy crap is the man of Python fame exquisite here. It’s great in that it’s very much his area, a combination of relaxing tapes, and surreal humor, with a lot of darkness underneath the surface.  I was impressed with the way the story tells a coherent narrative within the guise of a self help tape, and my only criticism I can think of is that Palin’s Jack Harkness needs work, but Tropical Beach Sounds is very impressive in it’s defying of any format that has ever been utilized before, and more of Sir Michael Palin

Torchwood: The Green Life

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Jo is Making A Thing! It’s especially clever what The Green Life does, taking Jo Jones/Grant and adapting her to the Torchwood role by doing literally nothing. Yes, it’s clever indeed, because Jo was always such a bright light of optimism in the serious (and usually not my thing) Pertwee era, where over time, she gradually became a very special character indeed. Katy Manning is absolutely perfect for Torchwood, because she had a military background as a character who was uplifting in a pile of seriousness, and Torchwood often got too put up in its own seriousness on television. John Barrowman is also excellent, and his chemistry with Jo is pretty great (minus one scene, for which any listener of the audio will know what I speak of)  I can only really review a certain part of the story, as I drifted out in the beginning, but The Green Life (although disgusting in bits) is pretty good, overall.  In fact, it’s generally pretty great, until the end, where Jack pulls a Thirteen

Torchwood: Night Of The Fendahl

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They really made this one just for the cover. The Gwendahl story was one I was looking forward to, but honestly, it’s nowhere near as good as you’d think. First off, right off the bat, we open with Gwen possessed. This would be fine if this were in the Torchwood Television show, but these audios only have one (at max two regulars) at a time, and Gwen is our only surrogate in a guest cast of crap heads. As such, it feels like a kid playing with their dolls, where Gwen just smashes and kills every guest character, because, The kid that’s playing with them insists  they have super invincible abilities. Then again, given how mature this story is, a kid isn’t the best analogy.   The story consists of Eve Myles giving an incredibly stilted possession performance, talking like An Incredibly Slow  And  Monotonous Lecturer Which only gives off a sense of annoyance rather than fear. She says “Gwen Cooper, I’m Your Victim” roughly ninety times, and just...possessed Gwen is ra

Torchwood: Sync

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Torchwood is for adult audiences. Some of the time. Definitely not here.  Sync By Lisa McMullin  My First Torchwood Audio Story, Sync was not the raunchy Slitheen make out session or murder spree I was expecting from the show (Thank God) and is actually a Buddy Cop Movie. That about sums it up, really. Indira Varma and Annette Badland are the best double act since Capaldi and Pearl Mackie, and that's the tea.  Really, come on, that's all you need to hear.  What is this story? This story is FUN. It adequately explores the character of Margaret and Suzie, gives them the opportunity to shoot things that aren't eachother, and there. You're done. It's like The Bekdel Test if anything.  It takes 2 (admittedly lesser) fun characters from the modern era, shoves them together, and somehow gets a full script out of it. And to be honest, that's all you need. I could pad out this review, but you don't want that. Good and Fun. All You Need To

Torchwood: We Always Get Out Alive

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DANCE LITTLE CHICKEN DANCE Spoilers, Sweetie! This story revolves around not knowing anything going in. Please Listen to It before reading the review. If you're reading the review to figure if it's worth your time, it is. We Always Get Out Alive By Guy Adams We Always Get Out Alive is literally an impression of a Robert Shearman script. It's all there. A Two Hander like Scherzo about two people who are in love with eachother that plays with the audio format, a supposed time loop, strange murder threats, occasional out of nowhere lines that make you laugh but scared at the same time, a'la our lord and savior Chimes Of Midnight,  and even the concept is similar to that of his' short story  Featherweight. None of this is bad. As a matter of fact, We Always Get Out Alive although accidentally being a Shearman script works to it's benefit, as if you can recall, SHEARMAN IS THE BEST AUTHOR BIG FINISH HAS EVER HAD, excluding John Dorney'

NCJDDAS: Farmin’ In The Country

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A Foreword : I didn’t write this one. This is a completely unofficial story made by a fan to follow up Countryfile Conundrum, and although I wrote a solution to that, (see Heaven Bent) It’s also brilliant and very funny. In my mind, this story is fully canon, so I put a scene at the end to make it so! Enjoy! NCJDDAS Fanfic: Farmin’ In The Country By Gallifrey_Immigrant An adventure with Plum Pudding’s Judi Dench Doctor, and Danny Devito, a sequel to Plum Pudding’s “The Countryfile Conundrum” Green fields covered the plains, and swayed in the harsh breeze. Up above, in the clouds, if one was inclined, one could tell a storm was brewing. Angry, dark clouds, filled with rain, were amassing, darkening the verdant ground below. And in the distance, a blue box appeared on the ground. Out of the box ran a man who had a torn-up, bloody shirt, and several wounds on his body. Honestly, he was lucky to be alive. “OW!” screamed the man. Right behind him, a female humanoid, who might appe

NCJDDAS: Heaven Bent

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NCJDDAS: Heaven Bent Dedicated To Steven Moffat, who like all good writers, eventually has one scapegoat that I can literally write a story around making fun of. Thanks.  Chapter One The Doctor and Roman sat around in the TARDIS. “Roman,” said The Doctor. “Our Last Adventure was pretty shit.”  “Yes.” said Roman.  “Well, it’s not my fault, is it?” Growled The Doctor. “Yes,” said Roman.  “It was an equal endeavor, Roman. Besides, you know what this series is missing.” “What?” asked Roman impatiently.  “Danny fucking Devito.” said The Doctor. “He’s real star value and you know it. And Plus, Although Danny wasn’t Danny Devito, he also totally was, and it’s very important to me that he return to the series, as he was pretty great as a companion.” “Hmm...whatever will you do…” muttered Roman uninterested.  “I think I’ll go back to Gallifrey and do literally the exact thing I did with Clara, and depose Rassilon again.” “You’ll fucking what-” Yelled Rom