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Showing posts from February, 2021

Torchwood God Among Us 3

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  After set 2 was the best set in Big Finish history, how does set 3 line up? Probably the third or fourth best set in Big Finish history - on par with 4DA s8, Doom Coalition 3, Ravenous 2 or 4, Stranded 1, 6TLA and many other amazing sets. God Among Us finishes up positively brilliantly, and for half the time, I'll still struggle to review these because of how great they are, but there's more meat on the bones for me to chew on here instead of merely mindless gushing. First off, there's what's probably one of the strongest stories yet. A Mother's Son by Alexandria Riley Who knew that Ng would have such amazing writing talent? Surprisingly, Ng isn't in this one, and it's instead, similarly to Man Who Destroyed Torchwood, a story starring a guest star, but while that one feels slightly auxilliary to the arc without doing that much in terms of a standalone, A Mother's Son forwards the entire world of Torchwood in a wonderful way. The timeskip to a ruined C...

Parody Among Us 3

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7.9 The Inquiry Hunter has discovered a sketchy secret about Torchwood - and Object One is splitting opinion in two. While Hunter has to decide what is more important - his morality or his career, Two ghosts from the past emerge to strike a deal. 7.10  Aftermath  There's a new girl in town, and Cherry Classified now runs everything. Anastasia struggles to return to the job - Cardiff has changed, and it may not be for the better. 7.11 Cabbie When you ask a Cab to take you to the final stop, this one drives you to the land of the dead. People are being driven out of town...out of this dimensional plane...and Tania Bell is about to hitch a ride.  7.12 Daily Grind It’s quiet. Too quiet. Torchwood is having a remarkably calm time. No alien abductions, or murders or anything but office work that makes the team positively stir-crazy. Something has to be going on in Cardiff, right? Surely it can’t be This Quiet??

The Torchwood Archive

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  The Torchwood Archive by James Goss It's difficult to do an anniversary story when half of your cast is so incredibly busy you can only book them in for say, three scenes, and you have to have side characters pick up the slack. It's also difficult to do an anniversary story and just plain make it good, in general.  Torchwood Archive almost manages.  First off - it has to be mentioned, the case is absolutely gorgeous. I know it doesn't look like it online, but you'll want this thing on physical. Anyway - the problem with Torchwood Archive is evident when you start to think about the plot. What plot? It's an incredibly intricate one that almost fools you - but there's not much there. Can be summed up fairly quickly for all of the numerous side tangents it goes on (oh boy there are loads) It ties together the first 12 Big Finish audios as well as the television series, but what Torchwood Archive is, is an anthology show in two hours. It has a framing device with ...

Torchwood: The Death of Captain Jack

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  "Is that the Blessing? It looks like a Giant Arse!!"  The Death of Captain Jack by David Llewellyn The Death of Captain Jack defies classification in that it is probably the most horny Torchwood material made so far, and yet incomprehensibly is actually rather good unlike any other remotely horny audio. (Another Man's Shoes gets an exception.) Just when I was thinking that after their prior attempts at fixing one of the TV show's biggest stinkers (Day One) with more stinkers (Love Rat, Uncanny Valley) that they should give up trying to make a story like that, well, consider me wrong. Perhaps I'm being unfair, Death of Captain Jack is a lot more than that - it's Torchwood's Turn Left, an absolutely cameo-studded romp through all of Torchwood's continuity, but it's fricked up, and it's also hysterical. When it isn't being horrifying. Or actually surprisingly moving. While it may not be the best Torchwood story, I'd go as far as to say t...

Torchwood: Deadbeat Escape

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  "Welcome to the Travelers Halt. You're in luck. We Have One Room Left." Deadbeat Escape by James Goss What is it about Torchwood, I wonder, that makes me utterly adore the genre of horror? Oh, Horror is my least favorite thing. I hate scary movies, I despise gore, and jumpscares can go die in hell because they don't scare you, they just surprise you with what the brain perceives as a literal attack. Those can fuck right off. But when a story is smart, quiet, and unsettling - just in the right way - oh, I love that. Deadbeat Escape is an oft-heralded piece of simplistic horror that almost doesn't use the Torchwood brand - it's connection is quite tangental, (just Bilis and one line about Torchwood and one about the Committee) but it's an incredible story nonetheless. People say that Deadbeat is probably the strongest Torchwood Monthly (which I disagree with, that honor goes to We Always Go Out Alive or Save Our Souls) but in terms of plotting, utilizing a...

(PARODY AMONG US): 7.8 Runway

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 Torchwood Parody Among Us 7.8 Runway Starring Ian Alexander with Tracy Ann Oberman, Rebecca Root and D'Arcy Carden  * * * Torchwood. Outside the Government. Beyond the Police. Protecting the Future On Behalf of The Human Race. The Twenty First Century is when- "ARE YOU READY TO PAARRRTAAYYY!!!"  The noise was deafening as the people flooded the streets. Lights and speakers and everything, everyone had set up it all incredibly quickly, and now the entire block was like an immense shuddering beast, all moving to the beat of the music, the motion creating the idea of a massive liquid taking up the block. Or a flame - as Ash mused would probably happen shortly.  ABBA blared out of the speakers as Ash took to the crowd. They strutted into the enormous whirlpool of people mashing faces and chugging drinks of worrysome quality. Pink Lights Blared into Ash's eyes. "Happy End of the World Everyboddddyyyyyy!!!" A wasted Karen shrieked, miming a bottle as if it was a ...

BrAIn GO BOoM BooM

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 Out of my sleep addled mind comes a horrid, beautiful thing

(MAIN RANGE): The Doctor Kisses A Bagel for an Entire Story

 (MAIN RANGE): The Doctor Kisses A Bagel For An Entire Story Starring David Tennant and Billie Piper Based on a Prompt by Spi2derMcGann * * *  “Mmmmmmm,” the Doctor said, kissing the bagel. “Um, Doctor?” Rose asked the Doctor. “Mmmmmmm, mmm, oh yeah,” the Doctor said, continuing to kiss the bagel. “Bagel” said the Bagel, speaking like a damn Pokémon.  “Doctor??” Rose began to throw a fit, “you can’t kiss a bagel, and not me!,” she whined.  Martha, thousands of miles away, sensed a disturbance in the force  “Bagel” said the Bagel “Mmmm” “mmm” “oh yeah” said the Doctor The audience became incredibly uncomfortable as this continued for Twenty Four hours (or more) “Bagel” said the Bagel Rose phoned the Daleks and the Cybermen. “Hi, the Doctor won’t stop kissing a bagel. I’m gonna need you to invade Canary Wharf please” 

NCBBDAS: Pure Evil

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NCBBDAS: Pure Evil Trauma Conga 1.3 Starring Brenda Blethyn as The Twenty Seventh Doctor, with Ted Danson as Calvin and Stevie Nicks as Millie Chapter One "Hey, we're back in the TARDIS!" Millie said.  "Yeah, I guess that button was like a psychic thing-y interface in the TARDISes systems." The Doctor lied, having actually no clue what the previous story was.  "So, where are we?" Calvin asked. The TARDIS materialized in the middle of a busy New York street. The Doctor stepped out. "New York! 1950s! ...Wait, this doesn't smell like New York-"  Millie stepped out of the TARDIS. "What? It looks like New York!"  "It isn't though. The Fragrance is all wrong." The Doctor replied. "We're in the middle of something else entirely."  Calvin stepped out. "Well, it looks quite nice, I suppose." He said, uncommitted. "It is, like, New York, though." Millie said. "It looks like, sort of clo...

(PARODY AMONG US): 7.7 Psychomorph

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  Torchwood Parody Among Us 7.7 Psychomorph Starring Tracy Ann Oberman,  Ben Mendelsohn, Jason Hughes, Tom Price, Cher and Ian Alexander Warning: Mildly Horny Plot The Hub  Anastasia stepped into Yvonne’s office.  “I’m here to turn myself in for disobeying a direct order.” “Quite.” Yvonne said. “You know, this isn’t some sort of Harry Potter scenario where rebellious action is rewarded. Mavericks aren’t what I need in Torchwood Three. I require loyalty.” “I..I understand. I disobeyed your orders and searched for Object One. I should not have looked for it, finding it...it only brought me pain.” “Object One!?” Yvonne exclaimed. “All punishments revoked! Take the day off!”  Anastasia nodded, moving off morosely. Yvonne grinned, oblivious to her emotional situation. She did a little (admittedly childish) gig- she felt positively wonderful. Oh, it had been ages. Time to put this whole thing right.  * * * Object One sat in the lighthouse. Alone at last. Expectin...