It’s fucking Batman lmao idk

 Well, I’ve just read a ton of Batman comics. I’m now going to review them, and go into a bunch of the storylines. Talk about what works and what doesn’t. Let’s go.

The Court of Owls is based as all shit. It’s a really compelling opening to the New 52, introducing a new and really rather excellent villain to the Batman Mythos. I love the atmosphere oozing from every page, it’s moody as hell and a tiny bit deranged, but still Batman-y and camp enough to have some enjoyment in it, like all the best B-man media. The way that the Court is presented gives it importance to both Batman’s childhood, and the other characters as well, Nightwing’s connection to them being a particularly cool retcon. Even if their whole existence, is, well, obviously a retcon. I think what makes me enjoy it a lot is it feels new and sharp rather than a storyline like the Long Halloween or Hush (which I read before this) featuring a shitload of villains, it’s focused. The best scenes are in the Court’s catacombs, where we see the story at its most wicked, it’s drawn in such a magnificently unsettling way that really lends to the fear that Batman is experiencing, as well as makes him look more awesome than before. As a singular volume, it’s an incomplete story but a lovely one. 9/10

City of Owls

City of Owls suffers a little bit from actively trying to be an *event* rather than a continuation of that singular thread set up in volume one. It’s large scale does give some benefit - it’s fun reading across the titles and seeing the Batfamily get utterly trashed, but part of that also adds to a slight problem of any defeat against the Court does tend to feel like a little bit of a Deus Ex Machina. I love how scary and intimidating they are, and it definitely does the right thing of using a few Talons at a time in book one and hundreds in two to really up the stakes, but it does end up having the victory of the Batfamily feel slightly unbelievable. There are a few one-shots related to the event in the volume, including a Mister Freeze one-shot that connects to the plot, yes, but isn’t exactly tremendous in terms of Freeze’s character. I always preferred him as a tragic figure rather than an out and out villain. Not only that, Lincoln March is a blotch on the book. It’s obvious he’s going to be the villain from volume one, and the end result of him having this huge personal connection to Bruce (if he’s not lying out of his ass) is a little unnecessary and a bit Hollywood. I’d prefer if the Court remained the villains throughout and the final battle was against another Talon - their anonymity made them unique, and it’s very quickly taken away. All in all though, there’s some nice connections and it’s a satisfying enough conclusion. It has problems, lots of them, but it does so much good, I can’t be mad. The defending the Batcave scenes alone elevated this to at least an 8/10

Batman: Death of the Family

(No cover because the cover is gory as shit)

Death of the Family is a really neat horror story that asks the question of “what if the Joker holy fucking shit holy fucking shit it’s the Joker the fucking Joker holy fucking shit” and it *almost works* 

The Joker is a very intimidating and scary presence in this one, even if perhaps he’s a little too edgy and society too really get across effectively. But there’s a lot here that really fucking works - the Joker in this iteration really demands your attention. It’s especially smart of the story to actually really take its time and build up to him - they frame the panels in such a lovely way we never really see his deformed and awful face until halfway through, which made him pants-shittingly scary. The Joker is taken from a psychological angle, as we really see him as a figure that actively is obsessed with Batman, to almost a love degree, and this is played for horror. Not that the Joker’s lines or anything are anything out of the usual - you can hear them quite clearly as Mark Hamill if you so choose. The Joker is the thing in this story that really demands attention, so much so that I haven’t really discussed anything else, and if you hate this incarnation, well, there isn’t SHIT here to make you like the rest of the story. It if anything suffers from “holy shit let’s make this gory bitches” but yet it also uses that to its own advantage. The ending of the story is especially striking, and melancholy. I can tell it’s a marmite story, and I can definitely see it’s problems, but those own problems are the same reasons I actually liked it… 8/10

Batman I am Gotham 

Which is….fine. The opening is really good, and grabs your attention very smartly, with Batman riding a fucking plane towards oblivion until GOTHAM AND GOTHAM GIRL, NEW SUPERHEROES OF GOTHAM (characters which I can’t help but hear their names in Batman 66 announcer voice) rescue him, and it’s then a tale of Batman attempting mentor ship of these actual super-beings, an angle we’ve never seen before. This is fascinating - if not for the constant tie-ins to NIGHT OF THE MONSTER MEN  a crossover that was apparently happening at the time. Every other line is “THE MONSTER MEN ARE COMING” and it’s pretty much a wreck in that regard. But the central thread of Batman facing these superheroes and mentoring them - having rescued them long ago when they were children in an alley-way, and inspiring them to become heroes, is frankly inspiring. The hopefulness of Batman mentoring these characters so that someday he will not have to defend Gotham - that The city will have a Superman, is really brilliant. And it’s all the more excellent from the Jacobean tragedy angle the story has later on. When it’s not also tying into its own sequels. Because god forbid stories stand on their own. Also Batman solves the problem by summoning the Justice League, which you’d say would be smart, because this is a connected universe, and why wouldn’t you summon the Justice League, but also FUCK OFF, it’s a deus ex machina of epic proportions. So? Yeah, this could have been much better, and I’d rate it lower, but the next story is even more of a mess: 6/10

Batman I Am Suicide

TRIGGER WARNING: I’m discussing a book literally called I am Suicide and that’s only mostly because the Suicide Squad is in it

Batman I am Suicide let’s you know exactly what is from the title. A tie in to the Suicide Squad series that is also edgy as fuck, and takes Batman in character directions regarding his past I don’t care for. It also has the fun over-reliance on narration saying one thing while the comic bubbles say another, which actively makes it hard to read. This alone would dock it down to five points. Because it is unbelievably awful, and I hate it an enormous amount. But then the story goes on to say that Batman, main hero of the DC universe, does what he does, defending Gotham city, and all that, (major trigger warning incoming) out of self harm. which I fucking hate so much I cannot literally explain it. It doesn’t even treat this angle well, and have Batman get mental help for his damn thing or something. It’s just…wrong. Not what the character is for. And I would like if, if like, it treated this with due gravitas, but it doesn’t, and it pissed me off. The story also has Batman creating his own Suicide Squad out of the Ventriloquist, three random fuckers that we’re actually mildly entertaining but I have already forgotten the names for, and Catwoman. Catwoman and Batman’s relationship is the main focus of the book, and their 2-part epilogue is actually decently written. And I did like it. But that’s only a third of the book, and If only it came after any other story - a story that ends with Batman and Catwoman ganging up on Bane and breaking his back, a story that glamorizes self harm? what the FUCK 

3/10

Batman I am Bane

I am Bane finishes the trilogy, and it’s much more like it, to be honest. A focused tale about Batman fighting Bane, with parallels to Nightfall, and comparing Batman and Bane’s childhoods in an eloquent manner. It does also compare Batman’s prior trigger warning from the previous story to Bane’s Drug Abuse though so that is a major no no 

All the same, it’s excellent in that it feels personal. It feels directed. This is Batman, and Bane, and they’re fucking punching eachother, man

It feels like a finale, which it should, but it is a finale to a trilogy of absolute dogshite and then ends with Batman proposing to Catwoman, which you would have to be an idiot to think would end well whatsoever, because DC heroes cannot be happy damn it

On its own, it’s a good follow up to Knightfall. But I can’t help but feel Id rather be reading Knightfall. 7?/10