NCBBDAS: The Mary Shelley Multitude
NCBBDAS: The Mary Shelley Multitude
Starring Brenda Blethyn and Linda Hamilton
Chapter One
"Okay, so, Sarah, I have a great idea for your first journey into History!" The Doctor smiled. She did a giddy jaunt around the TARDIS console, her coat's many various layers jittering and billowing with excitement as she moved.
"Well, technically I have been to the 70s. Or the 80s."
"Yeah, but you've lived through that." The Doctor paused. "Or at least the Terminator Movies you did. Anyway. Actual History. Step out those doors, and I'm going to take you to Ancient Mesopotamia!"
* * *
The Doctor and Sarah Connor stepped out in unison, and Sarah was shocked to see the Doctor jumping up and down, huffing and swearing.
"Ooh, bleedin heck!" She groaned. "It's the fecking Villa Diodati again!"
Chapter Two
"The Villa Diodati?"
"The Night Mary Shelley first thought up the idea for Frankenstein, literally challenged by Lord Byron to come up with the spookiest ghost story of all time! Byron wrote a story called The Vampyre, and yeah, take a wild guess which one won." The Doctor said. "The slight problem is, I have shown up to this night a wee few too many times."
Paul McGann burst out the door. "THE BELLS! THE BELLS!" He shrieked, gallivanting down the corridor.
Mary Shelley opened the downstairs door and screamed to find Jodie Whittaker, Yaz, Ryan and Graham standing on the doorstep.
"Okay..." Sarah Connor said, confused.
"Won't be a tick." The Doctor said, rushing back into the TARDIS and then suddenly rushing back out with an inflatable bouncy castle. Opening the door, she ran outside into the pouring rain, and inflated the bouncy castle to it's full size, a perfect copy of the Villa Diodati. Rushing about at high velocity like a looney tunes cartoon, she ran back inside the TARDIS again, and came back with an inflatable Mary Shelley, an inflatable Percy Shelley, and an inflatable Lord Byron. She placed them inside the bouncy castle, ran up to Jodie Whittaker, picked her up, and chucked her into the bouncy castle with the inflatable Mary Shelley.
"THERE! PARADOX AVERTED!" She shrieked madly.
"Careful, your Dench is showing." Sarah Connor remarked.
"I AM PERFECTLY CALM. I DEAL WITH UNEXPECTED SITUATIONS LIKE THIS VERY WELL." The Doctor said, the sweat dripping down her brow causing enough condensation build up to start a hurricane in a few years time.
Paul McGann galloped down the corridor once more. "WHOOOOOOOO AAAAMMMMMMMM IIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!" He bellowed.
"Sorry, give me a mo again please," The Doctor squeaked, placing Paul McGann into a spare room with a Mary Shelley teddy bear.
"Okay. Fine. He probably won't notice. Come on." They stepped back into the TARDIS. "God. I'm sorry. Continuity's a proper pain in the arse, but you got to give it a little meat, once in a while. Otherwise it gets rabid."
Chapter Three
Sometime Later But Not So Much Later That The Scene From Chapter One Happens, We're Getting To That Later Later
"Okay! So! I still want to take you to Ancient times! How about Egypt?" The Doctor asked. "Lots to do in Egypt. The Sphynx's nose broke somehow, and I bet it was probably to do with me, so I should handle that." She pulled the TARDIS lever. "After you."
Sarah Connor stepped out, confused. "Um, Doctor?"
The Doctor stuck her head out the TARDIS door. The Doctor had an emotional breakdown. "SHITE!"
Two feet away, the TARDIS dematerialized.
The Doctor and Sarah Connor stepped out in unison, and Sarah was shocked to see the Doctor jumping up and down, huffing and swearing.
"Ooh, bleedin heck!" She groaned. "It's the fecking Villa Diodati again!"
"Shit!" Said The Doctor to Sarah. "We've landed in the fucking Villa Diodati again again! QUICK! We have to keep the laws of time working! Hide!"
The Doctor frantically dragged a bookshelf across the hallway to conceal the TARDIS. "Okay! So, they can't be in the real Villa Diodati, that would break time!"
"Isn't this the real Villa Diodati!" Sarah Connor asked confused.
"Nope! Now we have to replace it!" The Doctor shrieked, a little too loudly and frantically. "Okay! I'm sorry! I, um, I really don't fucking deal with this sort of thing well!"
The Doctor entered the TARDIS and began pumping up another Villa Diodati size bouncy castle. Like the previous castle, it is painted to look like the Villa Diodati. She gets them on sale at CostCo.
She runs outside, places it down, and pumps up inflatable versions of Jodie Whittaker and Paul McGann. She puts them in place, and uses expert ventriloquism to make it appear like they are talking. The Past Doctor shrieks, and runs outside to inflate a bouncy house of Villa Diodati for the inflatable Jodie Whittaker with their own inflatable Mary Shelley and Paul McGann with his own inflatable Mary Shelley that he will then take on his patented Mary Shelley audio adventures (that is if he actually went on any audio adventures, he is inflatable.)
The Doctor sat down. "Whew!"
"Wait? Where are Jodie Whittaker and Paul McGann? They were inflatable the whole time?" Sarah Connor asked.
"Well? I mean, they would have to be, right? In seperate buildings with seperate Mary Shelley's so they could not run into eachother."
"Then if the ones you had past you put away were inflatable, what about the real Paul McGann and Jodie Whittaker?"
"SHIT! FUCK! SHIT FUCK, SHIT FUCKING FUCKING SHIT FUCKING SHIT"
Chapter Four
"OH GOD! SHIT! WHAT DO WE DO!"
Sarah Connor shrugged. "This is my once an episode special patented suggestion to shoot it."
"WE CAN'T SHOOT ME!"
Sarah Connor made a braindead expression. She had no further contributions to add.
The Doctor ran outside to outside what she thought was the real Villa Diodati to see Jodie Whittaker knocking on the door of probably Mary Shelley's real house.
"Wait, we were in an inflatable house the whole time?" Sarah Connor shrieked.
"GO WITH IT!" The Doctor yelled. "We need to stop Jodie Whittaker from meeting Paul McGann, because they don't in the televised episode! MultiDoctor stories cause massive paradoxes! Except when they don't! But this time, for argument's sake, a massive paradox will occur if Paul McGann and Jodie Whittaker meet!"
"But we have run out of bouncy houses! We bought out every single one that anyone has ever sold at a Costco!"
"Oh! That's why if a person outside this story goes to a CostCo and asks for a massive inflatable replica of the Villa Diodati, they cannot give it to you!"
"Yes, that is exactly why, there are no other reasons!"
"But how can we stop them, Sarah?"
"Well," Sarah Connor thought. "If we rule out guns. And tanks. and Missiles. And Knives-"
"Yes?"
"We could always go to the events of The Wedding Of River Song or Let's Kill Hitler and borrow a Tesselecta."
"Who's in the Tesselecta? What's in the Tesselecta? Why Tesselecta's? Why are you bringing this up now?" The Doctor shrieked.
"Well, Tesslecta's are very good at completely removing any and all plot tension! Death is really fucking easy to fake out with Tesselecta's. I mean, with a Tesselecta, you could be anyone. You could say, it is the ultimate disguise."
The words sunk in. "No!" The Doctor bemoaned. "It can't be!"
"My dear Doctor, you have been naive," said Anthony Ainley, from inside Sarah Connor's eye, because she was the Tesselecta the whole time!
The Doctor stood there, incredibly baffled.
"You see," said Anthony Ainley. "It is all part of my trap."
Suddenly he died horribly, because a different Sarah Connor came up behind him and stabbed him.
"WHAT IS GOING ON!?!"
"Oh, I'm the real Sarah Connor. He locked me in a broom closet about a few lines back. You should have guessed, I mean, I was willing to discount guns. and tanks. and missiles. And knives." The Real Sarah Connor said.
"Then that was a completely unneccesary divergence for a few lines that has no bearing on the plot?"
"No, we now have a Tesselecta. Which are massively bigger on the inside. This one, for instance, has over five-hundred bouncy houses in it."
"How?"
"Ordered from Home Depot."
Oh! That's why if a person outside this story goes to a Home Depot and asks for a massive inflatable replica of the Villa Diodati, they cannot give it to you!"
"Yes, that is exactly why, there are no other reasons!"
Epilogue
"So, that's all of time and space fixed. There are no breaks in time. We have fixed it. Everything is exactly as time was before." Sarah Connor stated. "I'm almost proud."
"Yes. Paul McGann always travelled with a Tesselecta of Mary Shelley secretly controlled by Jodie Whittaker in a bouncy house that used to be owned by Anthony Ainley." The Doctor stated. "And that's canon."
"Yes. We have done our duties as solemn upholders of the canon," Sarah Connor agreed. "We have fixed a time issue rather than adding to it. Are you not proud, audience?"
"For five seconds, we are allowed to remove the NC from the title." The Doctor said.
Someone threw a tomato at her and she put the NC back thanks to the fan backlash.
"Yes, this was a job well done," The Doctor said, sitting back in her seat.
Sarah Connor looked her directly in the eyes. "I'm sorry to bring this up. And this might dwedge up the stories' prerequisite amount of drama here, but.. . this is the third adventure in a row I've met a past companion of yours."
"Really? Not noticed." The Doctor mumbled.
"Why do you keep taking me to places like this? Why have they kept showing up! Are you- are you trying to rub it in my face?"
The words bounced around the Doctor's skull for a moment before she carefully readied a response: "Possibly because you aren't exactly a model companion." It was blunt, but true.
"...That's no excuse to be an asshole. Has this whole thing been a manipulation? To get me to be a stereotypical companion? To get me to play nice?"
"Sarah, I, that's- that's not how I would put it, but yes! You have a lot to learn!"
"If you want to travel with me, you do it for me. Not because you want me to be Jo Grant or Tegan or Mary Shelley or whatever. You get that? Me. I'll be in my room." Sarah stomped off.
She was right. That was this stories' prerequisite amount of drama.
The End
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