(MAIN RANGE): Twelve Hours of Wasteland
(MAIN RANGE): Twelve Hours of Wasteland
Starring Peter Davison as The Fifth Doctor, Lalla Ward as Romana II and Michelle Yeoh as The Master
Hour One
Can you tell a story about nothing? One assumes so. But when it comes down to it, every story has something, a Gimmick. A nut of an idea that it wants to crack. It's funny to think about.
"Oh, shut up." The Master replied, sitting next to the Doctor and Romana in the bleak dusty dark of the planet. "Honestly, you two with your monologuing. You do it so much you'd think you'd hire a narrator at this point."
Romana huffed. "You know, strictly speaking, it's your fault we're here. The Doctor can monologue if he wants to."
"Well, it hasn't even been an hour yet and I'm already sick." The Master spat. "Just my luck. When I'm stuck on a planet, I get a Gallifreyan Bureaucrat and the most boring version of him!"
"Oh, I say!" Replied The Doctor, mildly offended.
"Master, you're really not quite being fair." Romana said. "Rescue will be here soon. This planet may be inhospitable, but it's only to the degree there's nothing here but dehydration that could kill us. We will be perfectly fine if you just sit down and wait for the ship."
The Master rolled her eyes and sat down on the barren rocky ground.
"Inertia." The Doctor said. "It's a fascinating concept, wouldn't you agree?"
The Master groaned loudly.
"No, Really," The Doctor continued. "If you actually think about it. I mean, we're all rushing about, me to save the universe, you to blow things up, Romana to fix up Gallifrey-"
"I think that greatly oversimplifies my political career, Doctor, I'm not very high in rank at the moment."
"-Achem. I mean, seriously though. When's the last time any of us sat down and watched a movie? Or read a book?"
"There are no books here, you beige dullard."
"Why, Thank you, Master. But really. This could be good for us. We have time to relax. Nothing's trying to kill us. We can reflect upon our surroundings."
The wind blew around them, carrying with it particles of sand and dust.
Silence.
"This is boring."
Hour Two
"I could kill you, you know." The Master whispered, calmly. "It wouldn't be hard."
"Oh, as if you'd do that," Romana replied smugly. "We both know you really, deep down, sort of like us in some twisted way, and besides-"
"I DO NOT-"
"Besides, you'd be one less person to talk to, and Ten Hours to go." Romana finished.
The only thing any of them could see was a tree, and a rock. The Doctor was investigating the tree, examining it for Berries or some kind of lichen they could possibly eat, but it was long dead. Time Lords didn't need to eat for a month anyway. He just tended to out of habit.
The Rock was a rock. The Master had claimed it has her sovereign territory.
The Doctor walked away from the tree and back towards the Master and Romana.
"Hello, no berries, I'm afraid. Well, we have been avoiding the obvious question. I do have to ask. What's with the new body?" The Doctor asked, sitting back down with them.
The Master rolled her eyes. "What's with the old one?" She asked cryptically.
"Oh, come now, Master, we can all speak in riddles and annoy eachother, or we can have some actual conversation." The Doctor prodded.
"Fine. You are aware of the Blinovitch limitation effect?" The Master asked, resignedly.
"Well, of course. It's the first thing the Gallifreyans teach you about time travel. Don't cross your own time stream or you'll blow up and all that knick-knack, and if you do learn your future, you'll forget it a few hours after meeting your future self. I gather it's happened to me quite a few times." The Doctor said.
"Yes. Well, a similar effect occurs when one time traveller meets another in the wrong order with alarming frequency. The first fifty or so times, they have to avoid you to keep the timeline restored. Memory wipes, alternate universes, psychic cloaks, you know. As time goes on, and the more and more you meet eachother out of order, with the repeated memory wipes, your brain develops a tolerance. You will automatically lose your memory of me, I don't need to do a thing. You'll edit it out automatically, and next time we meet, you'll remember. But beyond that, you won't. Like you and River, for example."
"Like who?" The Doctor asked, to which Romana laughed hysterically.
The Master laughed. "The best thing is you will selectively now forget I said her name."
Hour Three
"How'd you two get here then?" The Master eventually asked, intrigued. "I didn't think you two traveled."
Romana, surprised an audio story hadn't already done this, did a double take.
The Doctor shrugged. "I believe we're mostly in the right order at the moment, minus a few things our personal histories line up. Anyway, it's not really that important. We are friends after all. We meet up for brunch."
"At least I think we do. Last three times we've tried we've showed up in the wrong incarnations and both left with no memory of the event." Romana said.
"Oh, the temporal stuff is stupid." The Master said.
"Yes. Hopefully you're right about the blinovitch limitation effect and memory and I'll just forget the whole series of events." The Doctor said
"Or we can just act like we've forgotten the events if we ever encounter eachother again. Lock it in the recesses of our minds via time lord meditiation." Romana said.
"I wish I could forget this!" The Master grumbled. "We're stuck here, no TARDISes and all you lot can talk about is time!?!"
"You brought it up," The Doctor remarked and Romana had to stop the Master from tackling him with a knife.
Hour Four
"There. Are we all acting like well behaved children now?" Romana asked, having drawn a line in the sand between the Doctor and The Master.
"Fine-" The Master sulked. She was upset her black leather was now all sandy.
"You know, this place isn't all that bad." The Doctor said. "I mean, I would have thought it would be a lot more difficult."
"It's only been four hours."
"FOUR?!" The Doctor exclaimed, no longer as dignified as usual. "I thought it was at least Ten!"
The Master punched the ground irritably.
"Oh, come on now. You two are usually much more determined than this." Romana sighed.
"You know, maybe I will kill one of you. The silence might be preferable to this constant gabbing." The Master said.
"Master, please." The Doctor negotiated.
Romana shrugged. "Even you aren't that naughty when there's no benefit."
"Oh, I'm extremely wicked. Even for The Master." The Master said, raising herself to her feet. She waited a moment to make the Doctor nervous and sat back down.
Romana had placed her knife in a crook on the tree. If she could get it... hmm...
"Oh, this is ever so tiresome. I think our best chance is to attempt to entertain ourselves!" The Doctor smiled. "Let's play a game."
Hour Five
They decided to play Risk. Whichever one of them conquered the spot between the tree and the rock first, won.
The Master played the pebbles and The Doctor played the rotten tree leaves. Romana played the Dust particles with the dimensional variance of 9.1524 Squared divided by Pi to the Nth degree if N represents the temporal displacement factor of 12 times the speed of light. Obviously accounting for background radiation.
Romana won. She did in fact, do it automatically as soon as the game started and began to explain to the Doctor and Master the problem with the rules that the Doctor had established.
The Master suggested they play Hangman, but she couldn't find any rope to use on Romana.
The Doctor suggested Eye Spy but it became very clear that there wasn't much to spy with their one little eye. The Master suggested that she take out one of their eyeballs so the statement "I spy with my one little eye" was more accurate. Once again this was vetoed.
They finally decided on Charades.
The Doctor came up and began flapping his arms.
"Ooh, some kind of bird?" Romana guessed.
"Tits!" Proclaimed The Master, to which the Doctor shook his head.
He raised a finger.
"One word..." Romana commented.
The Doctor raised his hand.
"Five letters."
He mimed gliding like an airplane with his arms wide.
"Hm. Robin?" Romana suggested.
"Dwxyq!" The Master realized, and the Doctor nodded, having successfully mimed the Dwxyq bird of Zeta Minor.
"My Turn." The Master said.
Hour Six
The Master mimed a thrusting with her arms.
"Incredibly Violent Murder." The Doctor guessed correctly.
The Master sighed. "...Yes."
She sat down. Romana walked up. She raised her hands and glowed until she regenerated her face into Chris Evans.
"Chris Evans." The Doctor said.
"Yes." said Chris Evans Romana, changing her face back to Lalla Ward.
"...I have no clue how she does that." The Master said, uncomfortably.
They played a few more rounds and the sun began to slowly fall gently in the sky.
Hour Seven
"To be or not to be... That is the question." The Master said, holding a skull. She had pulled it out of her pocket of her leathertight jumpsuit which looked like it wouldn't even fit a phone, but that's Transdimensional engineering for you.
"Whether tis nobler to suffer. The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles. And by opposing end them. To Die, To Sleep No More-"
The Master was doing Hamlet. There were very few plays that were macabre enough for them all to enjoy, and as it was, it was actually doing rather well.
They were all getting along quite well, actually, which was surprising.
At the end of the monologue, The Master sat down beside them. Despite herself, she smiled a little.
Hour Eight
“There is nothing alive on this planet but us. This tree is dead, and long decayed. The rocks and cracks in the earth, if you examine them, you don’t find any ants streaming out of the gaps looking for crumbs to claw out another meal. Nothing on this planet is capable of survival for more than a week. Only newcomers, and that’s a technicality I suppose. They’ll die of lack of drink, and if that doesn’t work, they’ll starve. Visitors like us. The only things that could ever live on this planet. And there’s only the three of us.” The Master whispered, slowly and deliberately.
“What do you mean?” Romana asked slowly.
“I mean that I hear something in the distance... and it’s moving closer...”
Hour Nine
“Something out in the distance, you say?” The Doctor said - “That doesn’t sound good...”
“No, it sounds positively horrid. What kind of thing do you think could even survive out here?”
“It would have to be quite an unique life-form. Able to survive on no food or liquid, completely self sufficient-”
"Not another survivor." Romana said, "We'd have seen the crash."
The Master rolled her eyes. "Let's go see it then. Hopefully it will kill us and then I won't have to bother with you two."
* * *
The Master had her knife back. She had slipped behind the tree and grabbed it, and Neither Romana or the Doctor had spotted her.
What was out in the nothingness of the desert was unknown to her.
She inched closer to whatever was making the noise, her hearts filled with tension .
Hour Ten
The Master saw it.
The Master recognized it in an instant. The explanation.
"Oooh, Doctor, Fred, I know why we're here!" The Master called, wickedly.
The Doctor and Romana blazed around the corner.
"You both clearly don't remember how we got here." The Master said, her eyes glinting. She didn't raise her voice.
Romana sputtered. "Why, I remember perfectly, the Doctor and I met up for brunch and we..."
"Didn't you crash the ship?" The Doctor replied. "You must have crashed the TARDIS. It's not here. I don't see how we don't remember it perfectly. We've been referencing it all day. We were off and brunching on the Starship Galaza and you crashed in with an atom bomb and we landed here."
The Master cocked her head. "False!" She barked, sounding like a completely different person for a second before turning her head back and speaking normally. "Doctor, are you aware of Pitcher Plants?"
"Why of course. Earth Plants, Carnivorous. Lure in small insects similar to the Venus flytrap where they are disolved in digestive fluid."
"The animal is unaware they are being digested. It just thinks it's eating the Pitcher Plant while it eats it." Romana finished The Doctor's thought. "I fail to see how it's relevant."
"Imagine a being on a larger scale. One designed to trap Gallifreyans. I'm sorry to say, you two simply don't exist. We are in a big ol pitcher plant, and it is doing something to me, attempting to placate me with a forgery of an experience. You are organic simulations. As is the whole world. Or something. I don't know. You're in my mind or whatever. I am in a pitcher plant equivalent. I need to wake up."
"Steady on. This sounds ridiculous." The Doctor said.
"Of course you would say that, Doctor. You're trying to convince me to stay. You've only been quote unquote programmed to do certain things, I bet. Oh, you're very good. But fabricated memories, fabricated personality. It makes perfect sense. As if this is ten hours? There's no way I've been here for ten, I just believe that. There's been nowhere enough experience to fill ten hours of boredom. My clock just jumped an hour when I turned a corner. Like some kind of book chapter. The pitcher plant just wants to fool me into that more time is passing than it is."
"As if, Master. If we are in a pitcher plant-" Romana began.
"I am, not you." The Master snapped.
"However supremely unlikely, If that were the case, why this? The Doctor and Me? A Wasteland?" Romana asked.
The Master actually looked a bit sad for a bit. "Because, well... You? The Doctor? Having fun in a desert wasteland with a Monster?" She resigned herself for a moment. She breathed. "Paradise."
Hour Eleven
"Look at that! Clock's speeding up! Just because it knows I've figured it out. Plant's gonna eat my brain or whatever. Simulation, baby." The Master said.
The Doctor's eyes darkened. "Well then. You know. How did you figure it out?"
"Well, all that, and I rounded the corner to see this."
Half of the Horizon had writing on it saying WAKE UP YOU'RE IN A PITCHER PLANT
"It stands to reason." The Master said.
She moved across the desert, menacingly strolling towards the Doctor and Romana. "You know, there is yet another upside to all this."
"And what's that?" Not Romana spat, her eyes narrowing.
"Ooh, well, you aren't the Doctor and Romana," The Master said, flicking her knife. "I can kill you without remorse."
* * *
The Master wiped the blood off her knife. "You know, that was deeply satisfying," she said to the two fake corpses. "I've always wanted to do that, but it would have meant I'd be rid of you. Thanks, pitcher plant. But I'll be leaving."
The Doctor's voice rang from the sky. "YOU CANNOT ESCAPE. WE ENCOMPASS YOUR MIND. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE YOUR MIND."
"Oh, sure you can. It's called Zuerguueoaonfgitrodilonix meditation. Stops all higher brain function, leaving you in a state of pure instinct." The Master said, sitting back down. She made circles with her fingers and said "Ommmmmm..." sardonically, and suddenly the world was nothing.
Outside The Machine
The Master woke up, and tore herself out of a machine, tearing wires out of her head, the device that was to fabricate the illusion. She was in a space station, a metal chair and beeping computer lying next to her. The Doctor and Romana's voices called out of it, but she clicked it off
The Voices then began to call out of the ship's loudspeakers. "MASTER, YOU SHALL NEVER ESCAPE THIS PLACE." Romana shrieked.
The Master rolled her eyes. "As if. You have all of my belongings in that storage locker right there. Well, in a way. That Storage Locker's my TARDIS. You were really banking on that after you captured me, I wouldn't break out of the illusion, huh?"
She opened the locker, and stepped into her TARDIS.
"Also, next time you trap me in an illusion, maybe select different regenerations. The minute I met that Doctor in this body and Romana who probably can't meet him at that stage, I really knew something was off."
The voices of Romana and The Doctor shrieked as the Master disappeared in her TARDIS.
"Twelve Hours." The Master said, chuckling to herself. "And I come to the rescue." She smirked, dematerializing the TARDIS into time and space.
The End
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