NCJDDAS: Going Home
NCJDDAS: Going Home
A Short Trip
I wish I hadn't asked The Doctor what my family was doing.
The Master had mentioned it, as a taunt, or a flirt, and I was curious. I knew it was a bad idea as soon as it exited my mouth, but there was no taking it back, but I did want to know, so I asked. The Doctor had smiled at the time, and made some excuse. Tried to distract me with a trip to Disneyland. Which worked. But I was still curious.
And I was still an idiot, so I asked again.
By then, it was a while after Roman had joined the TARDIS. The Doctor said she and Roman had some kind of special bond, and that he used to be a hot girl. Couldn't care less. Not that that's a bad sort of thing. But Roman's a bit of an ass. So, I expected ridicule when I brought it up again. Probably from him. "You're stupid, Danny!" or something like that. and Then the Doctor would take us to Disneyland again so I would forget about it, and Roman would complain the entire time.
I expected to be shut down. And then I wasn't.
None of the things I detailed that would probably happen in the previous paragraph happened.
I arrived in my old neighborhood. Where I lived as a kid. My Memories here were faint and foggy, but blissful. It was getting harder to remember things before the Doctor, these days.
I still don't have any clue why. It wasn't as I remembered it. I remembered it a lot bigger. And I was pretty short, but I was still taller than I was as a Kid, so it just felt wrong.
"Doctor," I asked, "Do you remember this place? It's near where you met me!"
But the Doctor didn't reply, she just adjusted her tie and question mark sweater, and hobbled on, using some kind of umbrella with question mark handle. She'd changed her clothes a lot recently. It was probably some sort of compulsion.
I was once here with a bunch of Daleks. I met the Doctor when that happened. I felt special when it happened too. Like I was the only time traveler in the world. As if. I wandered on over to my childhood house, the place where I used to live, and It was more of the same, the grass was too long, and I was too tall. I couldn't remember any of those secret hideaways I used to go to, the kind kid's know. Everything was the same, but it was far too different.
I was different.
I wandered over to the house door, and I knocked gently, The Doctor standing behind me, looking far more dignified and solemn than I'd ever seen her.
The Door opened.
An old tan woman, full of wrinkles, with grey frizzy hair like Albert Einstein and sunglasses an inch thick. Familiar. I knew her. She was Mom.
Mom invited us inside, very politely, saying some kind of thing like she was expecting us, but I knew she wasn't. She didn't get enough visitors around here to expect anything. And especially knowing her social habits, I knew it was a lie, but I didn't press. I felt too awkward to say anything.
The Doctor and Roman hung back, and we made the usual small talk about the weather recently, which we didn't know anything about, and some popular television shows.
Mom then posed the question:
"So, what are you selling?"
The confusion of that moment. Having your own Mother look at you, like a stranger. Having your own mother not know your own face. My jaw trembled. What was she saying? What was I selling?
Why didn't she know me? Why didn't she know me, Why didn't she know me?
"Mom, it's me. It's Danny." I said, getting frantic.
"What do you mean? I don't know anyone named Danny." She said, certain. She moved her hair away from her eyes.
"No one?" I asked.
The Doctor slowly walked out of the room, but I didn't notice, I was too caught up.
"You look like Danny Devito. I thought you were selling something. For A Commercial. Why'd you call me Mom?"
I laughed. What was with her? "Mom, I'm Danny. Your Kid. What's with you?" I asked.
My Mom drank her coffee out of the cup I made her when I was six.
"I only had one kid. He's gone now. And he wasn't named Danny. Can you please leave? I'm not comfortable with this sales technique you have."
I pushed on.
"Mom, I am your son. I made you that cup when you tripped on that loose tile over there and cracked your own one. It has pictures of Emu's, because of that time when we went to the petting zoo and the Emu pecked my hand so much it tickled and you couldn't stop laughing. Please, just listen to me, please."
"What the hell do you know about Sammy?" My mother asked, angry and with tears dripping down her face. "Do you have him? Do you know where he is?"
The Name Was Familiar.
"Who's Sammy?" I asked.
"Sammy Winters, my kid. My only kid. He made me this cup. He was the only one who knew about those Emus, and he went missing, three years ago, and everyone I know tells me he's dead. Do you know about him?"
My chest felt empty. "I've never heard of him..." I muttered. "But I know about you. I know about how you sang me to sleep every night. I remember when you read me my favorite story, Too Many Frogs, and gave me a warm cup of cocoa whenever I came in from the snow."
"TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT SAMMY!!!" My Mother screamed, livid. "WHERE IS HE! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM! WHAT DID HE TELL YOU!"
I stepped back. I..there was only one way it made sense. I said it.
"Mom, it's me...I couldn't remember...It's...me...I'm Sammy, mom."
"What kind of cruel fucking trick is this?" she growled.
"...I don't remember the name, but I have to be Sammy."
"You're as old as I am, whoever you are." Her spit flew in my face. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get out. You aren't my son." The words hit like bricks.
Time didn't seem to pass from that point. It was so terrible, I just stepped out of the house, to The Doctor and Roman on the street. Roman didn't say anything, and walked back to the TARDIS, the most respectful and human as I'd ever seen him.
"Three years ago, Danny, you came with me." The Doctor said. "The Daleks rewrote you. They remade you, as a joke, and since then, you've been accumulating paradoxes. You don't look the same, you don't act the same, and you can hardly remember." She couldn't look at me. It was the most emotional I've ever seen her. "I knew what was going to happen today...but I couldn't stop you from going back."
I just stood there, in my old driveway for a long time.
"I'm so, so, sorry." she said.
I didn't feel like I could move. I used to be someone different. A boy named Sammy Winters. Someone who knew all the hiding places, who made his mom a cup when hers broke. Now I was a different person. In every way I could think.
I stepped out of the driveway eventually.
"What do you want me to do?" The Doctor asked, aware this was a problem even she couldn't fix.
"Just call me Danny," I said, as I walked out of the driveway and back to the TARDIS, leaving the little boy named Sammy Winters behind me, on that cold driveway, alone.
I wish I hadn't asked The Doctor what my family was doing.
The Master had mentioned it, as a taunt, or a flirt, and I was curious. I knew it was a bad idea as soon as it exited my mouth, but there was no taking it back, but I did want to know, so I asked. The Doctor had smiled at the time, and made some excuse. Tried to distract me with a trip to Disneyland. Which worked. But I was still curious.
And I was still an idiot, so I asked again.
By then, it was a while after Roman had joined the TARDIS. The Doctor said she and Roman had some kind of special bond, and that he used to be a hot girl. Couldn't care less. Not that that's a bad sort of thing. But Roman's a bit of an ass. So, I expected ridicule when I brought it up again. Probably from him. "You're stupid, Danny!" or something like that. and Then the Doctor would take us to Disneyland again so I would forget about it, and Roman would complain the entire time.
I expected to be shut down. And then I wasn't.
None of the things I detailed that would probably happen in the previous paragraph happened.
I arrived in my old neighborhood. Where I lived as a kid. My Memories here were faint and foggy, but blissful. It was getting harder to remember things before the Doctor, these days.
I still don't have any clue why. It wasn't as I remembered it. I remembered it a lot bigger. And I was pretty short, but I was still taller than I was as a Kid, so it just felt wrong.
"Doctor," I asked, "Do you remember this place? It's near where you met me!"
But the Doctor didn't reply, she just adjusted her tie and question mark sweater, and hobbled on, using some kind of umbrella with question mark handle. She'd changed her clothes a lot recently. It was probably some sort of compulsion.
I was once here with a bunch of Daleks. I met the Doctor when that happened. I felt special when it happened too. Like I was the only time traveler in the world. As if. I wandered on over to my childhood house, the place where I used to live, and It was more of the same, the grass was too long, and I was too tall. I couldn't remember any of those secret hideaways I used to go to, the kind kid's know. Everything was the same, but it was far too different.
I was different.
I wandered over to the house door, and I knocked gently, The Doctor standing behind me, looking far more dignified and solemn than I'd ever seen her.
The Door opened.
An old tan woman, full of wrinkles, with grey frizzy hair like Albert Einstein and sunglasses an inch thick. Familiar. I knew her. She was Mom.
Mom invited us inside, very politely, saying some kind of thing like she was expecting us, but I knew she wasn't. She didn't get enough visitors around here to expect anything. And especially knowing her social habits, I knew it was a lie, but I didn't press. I felt too awkward to say anything.
The Doctor and Roman hung back, and we made the usual small talk about the weather recently, which we didn't know anything about, and some popular television shows.
Mom then posed the question:
"So, what are you selling?"
The confusion of that moment. Having your own Mother look at you, like a stranger. Having your own mother not know your own face. My jaw trembled. What was she saying? What was I selling?
Why didn't she know me? Why didn't she know me, Why didn't she know me?
"Mom, it's me. It's Danny." I said, getting frantic.
"What do you mean? I don't know anyone named Danny." She said, certain. She moved her hair away from her eyes.
"No one?" I asked.
The Doctor slowly walked out of the room, but I didn't notice, I was too caught up.
"You look like Danny Devito. I thought you were selling something. For A Commercial. Why'd you call me Mom?"
I laughed. What was with her? "Mom, I'm Danny. Your Kid. What's with you?" I asked.
My Mom drank her coffee out of the cup I made her when I was six.
"I only had one kid. He's gone now. And he wasn't named Danny. Can you please leave? I'm not comfortable with this sales technique you have."
I pushed on.
"Mom, I am your son. I made you that cup when you tripped on that loose tile over there and cracked your own one. It has pictures of Emu's, because of that time when we went to the petting zoo and the Emu pecked my hand so much it tickled and you couldn't stop laughing. Please, just listen to me, please."
"What the hell do you know about Sammy?" My mother asked, angry and with tears dripping down her face. "Do you have him? Do you know where he is?"
The Name Was Familiar.
"Who's Sammy?" I asked.
"Sammy Winters, my kid. My only kid. He made me this cup. He was the only one who knew about those Emus, and he went missing, three years ago, and everyone I know tells me he's dead. Do you know about him?"
My chest felt empty. "I've never heard of him..." I muttered. "But I know about you. I know about how you sang me to sleep every night. I remember when you read me my favorite story, Too Many Frogs, and gave me a warm cup of cocoa whenever I came in from the snow."
"TELL ME WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT SAMMY!!!" My Mother screamed, livid. "WHERE IS HE! HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM! WHAT DID HE TELL YOU!"
I stepped back. I..there was only one way it made sense. I said it.
"Mom, it's me...I couldn't remember...It's...me...I'm Sammy, mom."
"What kind of cruel fucking trick is this?" she growled.
"...I don't remember the name, but I have to be Sammy."
"You're as old as I am, whoever you are." Her spit flew in my face. "Get out."
"What?"
"Get out. You aren't my son." The words hit like bricks.
Time didn't seem to pass from that point. It was so terrible, I just stepped out of the house, to The Doctor and Roman on the street. Roman didn't say anything, and walked back to the TARDIS, the most respectful and human as I'd ever seen him.
"Three years ago, Danny, you came with me." The Doctor said. "The Daleks rewrote you. They remade you, as a joke, and since then, you've been accumulating paradoxes. You don't look the same, you don't act the same, and you can hardly remember." She couldn't look at me. It was the most emotional I've ever seen her. "I knew what was going to happen today...but I couldn't stop you from going back."
I just stood there, in my old driveway for a long time.
"I'm so, so, sorry." she said.
I didn't feel like I could move. I used to be someone different. A boy named Sammy Winters. Someone who knew all the hiding places, who made his mom a cup when hers broke. Now I was a different person. In every way I could think.
I stepped out of the driveway eventually.
"What do you want me to do?" The Doctor asked, aware this was a problem even she couldn't fix.
"Just call me Danny," I said, as I walked out of the driveway and back to the TARDIS, leaving the little boy named Sammy Winters behind me, on that cold driveway, alone.
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