NCJDDAS: The Exterminator - Part Three - Genisys of the Daleks
NCJDDAS: The Exterminator
Part Three
Genisys of the Daleks
Starring Dame Judi Dench, Alison Pill, Linda Hamilton and Katherine Hahn
Chapter Eight
The Doctor fell out of the sky into a nuclear explosion.
This was slightly disconcerting, as she had very little clue as to how she could survive a Nuclear Explosion. Little things like that tended to put her on edge.
She felt the heat of the fire lick at her petticoat as she continued to fall.
And then her head fell onto the pavement and split open like a melon.
* * *
Lottie was feeling quite well, thank you very much. No longer a private eye, now she had been relegated to Hollywood nerd. She wasn't quite so sure about that, but she didn't have a narration issue so it all evened out. She hated the thick glasses and occasional stumbling that she did randomly now, though.
A man in a dark leather jacket came up to her.
"Ms. Palaver?"
"Excuse me?" Lottie asked.
"Find Sarah Connor. The Doctor will need your help." The Man said in a thick, familiar accent.
"Who are you??" Lottie asked, unsure what else she could say.
"A Gratuitous Cameo. Find the Doctor. Be Careful. The Exterminator is not the only issue you might have."
"The Exterminator?" Lottie sighed. "I'm really out of the loop, aren't I?"
* * *
Sarah Connor, bleeding heavily, crawled out of a piece of rubble of the police station. She coughed heavily. Radiation. She didn't know how she possibly could have survived the blast - nothing could.
She didn't know - but Daleks thrive on that sort of thing.
The Exterminator rolled over the rubble. The thud of Sarah's heartbeat grew louder and louder.
It rolled closer, and closer.
It was going to find her, and once it did, she was dead.
It was then a skeleton punched the Exterminator into a wall.
"Nyeh-heh-heh, come with me if you want to live!" The skeleton shrieked.
Sarah screamed.
"No, really, it's me." The skeleton shrieked. "It's the Doctor. I'm a fucking skeleton."
Sarah screamed louder.
"For god's sake, it's actually me, Sarah. The impact wound of falling from 500 feet into a nuclear explosion may or may have not have destroyed all my skin. It's totally fine, I'm good."
The Exterminator rolled upright.
"Oh fuckety shit. Okay, Sarah, it's fuckety time to fuckety run." The Skele-Doctor squealed.
"WHAT IS GOING ON?!" Sarah Connor screamed, grabbing the Doctor's...hand....bones??
She then did her best to run, but the Exterminator became fricking Sephiroth and the theme to Jim Henson production, Bear In The Big Blue House echoed ominously in the distance.
“Fricking dreams,” The Doctor muttered.
* * *
As Lottie ran, suddenly she careened into the Synder Cut.
“We Live IN A SOCIETY” said Jared Leto
Lottie ran very very fast
* * *
“Run, holy shit,” yelled The Skeleton Judi Dench Doctor as they ran into a nearby factory.
“GUN” replied the Exterminator, rolling after them with angry intent. He fired at them many times, but missed every time making the audience question his competence when he was in fact supposed to be a super efficient killer.
Samuel L Jackson crawled out of the rubble. “Sarah! Run! I’ll hold him off!!”
Samuel L Jackson began furiously hitting the Exterminator with Thor’s hammer. The Doctor had no clue how he could have possibly obtained it.
* * *
Sarah and the Doctor ran while Samuel L Jackson bought them time.
“There’s one thing I don’t get,” said Sarah Connor. “Well, no actually, a lot of things! But why is this Exterminator after me? What’s his deal?”
“Well, if it was the movie it would be a convoluted time travel plot, but I’m pretty sure Daleks just hate everyone.” The Doctor replied.
“Oh my god, what an asshole”
“I know right”
The Doctor suddenly rounded a corner and came face to face with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Chapter Nine
“Arnold Schwarzenegger!”
“I am back.” Arnold Schwarzenegger said, iconically.
He stood there, being a cultural inspiration for a moment in utter silence.
“Why the fuck are you a skeleton,” ah-nold said.
“Look, you’re just gonna have to accept it, I’ve had quite a day,” the Doctor said.
The Exterminator rounded the corner, covered in fire, and looking absolutely awesome.
Ah-nold got out his guns and shot at the Exterminator 485774399202947473626485930103757572 Times.
“I cannot take him!” Schwarzenegger said, angrily. “Do you have any ideas?”
“Frankly, no.” The Doctor said. “Nobody could get us out of this now!”
Suddenly Nobody No-One arrived and teleported them to a Factory, giving the Doctor a huge wink and then teleporting away.
“Okay, let’s just ignore how out of character that is and work on our plan. For the plot to end, and us to win, we need Sarah to survive, and the Exterminator to be destroyed.”
“What aboht Skynet?” Ah-Nold asked.
“Skynet doesn’t matter until The sequels.” The Doctor said. “Which this better not fucking have, it’s already three parts longer than it should be.”
The Dream Lady materialized. “How are you doing, Fellas?” She asked.
Sarah Connor shrieked. “Okay, I am legitimately really annoyed all this stuff keeps happening and nobody explains anything to me oh my god”
“Oh, can it, babes.” The Dream Lady snapped. “Doctor, you have skipped a large section of this movie. I do not approve.”
“What, the part where they hide in the woods and Sarah gets boned? Look, I’m working what you’ve given me. All you’ve told me is I need to save Sarah and stop the Exterminator, there’s no real reason to get Sarah laid.” The Doctor crossed her arms.
Sarah made a loud pouting noise.
“I require a strict story adaptation!” The Dream Lady commanded.
Scooby Doo appeared. “Reah!” He proclaimed.
“YOU’RE NOT SELLING MY POINT!” The Dream Lady yelled at him and Scooby disappeared.
“OKAY, FINE!” The Doctor yelled. “Arnold, go bone Sarah in the corner!”
“Whoopee!” Sarah cheered.
“And in the meantime, I’ll try and figure out a way out of this...” The Doctor mused.
Chapter Ten
Lottie broke down a door. “Doctor!” She called.
“Lottie! I’m a skeleton!” The Doctor smiled. “You’re here! That’s excellent! Help me with this reality defribulator!”
“What.” Lottie said.
“I hope to turn the Exterminator into a normal Terminator so we can blow him up and crush him with the hydraulic press, but in order to do that I need to make an anti-reality device. I’m making it out of Scooby Doo’s. There are a lot of them.”
“I’ve noticed,” Lottie replied, not missing a beat.
“I’ve noticed that I haven’t seen you in a while in real life. Are you part of the Dream, Lottie, or are you a real person the Dream Lady’s holding over me?”
“Wha?” Lottie trailed off. “Sorry, could you go over that again?”
“Oh yeah, nothing is real, Katherine Hahn is the Dream Lady, which If I recall correctly is a psychic apparition that appears to taunt me and my friends when we fall asleep. Last time she arrived via some psychic pollen. Or maybe she was the pollen. Now she’s not the pollen, because she’s here, and she hates me.”
“So it’s all a dream.”
“Yeah, so I can lasso together this machine out of pieces of Scooby Doo’s without any emotional deliberation over whether it is moral or not. I’ve also had a bunch of cocaine. Frankly, I am having a ball.”
Lottie looked over to observe the Doctor’s machine which had pieces of Scooby Doo - not bloody or anything, just cartoonishly contorted pieces of Scooby Doos stretched about a computer hard drive.
“Doesn’t look like it could do much.”
“Well, I haven’t had much help! W-I-P! Now, could you hand me that wrench?”
Lottie handed her the wrench. “What are you gonna do with it?”
“Oh, just bludgeon you to death.” The Doctor replied.
Clonk.
Lottie fell to the floor.
* * *
Sarah Connor and Arnold Schwarzenegger were very surprised to see the Doctor come out of nowhere, but she wasn’t looking like the Doctor. “Hey.” Lottie stepped out of the shadows.
“What’s going on?” Sarah Connor asked.
“Oh, well, there’s the thing about Horror movies. And well, make no mistakes about it, because it took me a bit, but I remembered - while it’s sequels are action flicks, the original is an action horror. And here’s the thing. Horror movies, they have a final girl. Ever heard the term? Some random pretty little innocent girl is always the last one to survive. ALWAYS. And that’d ordinarily be you, Sarah, but you’re too flanderized, too completely unlike the source material. I am too old - whereas Lottie - she’s the perfect example.” The Doctor said. “And considering it’s a dream, I figured. If there’s no good way around it, I guess I’ll just have to take the place of the final girl in the scenario.”
“Who even is Lottie??”
“Just part of the dream. I’m not hurting anyone. Not anyone with feelings, nah.” The Doctor said, lifting up her hammer. “Sorry about this. But hey, that’s the scary thing about horror movies. Not the monsters, what people stoop to.” She swung the hammer.
Smash. Arnold Schwarzenegger was dead.
“WHAT THE? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” Sarah Connor yelled, as the Doctor walked forward, blood covered hammer in hand.
That’s what this Doctor was with an excuse. Anyway to win, she would take it. Sometimes she didn’t do the right thing - not all of her sociopathy was just comedic.
She’d feel sad about it later, but she’d keep doing it.
And isn’t that worse?
* * *
The Exterminator rolled into the warehouse. Snap. Suddenly it was without power. Nothing.
“Hey.” The Doctor said.
She walked up to it with a box of dynamite and dropped it on the floor. Enough to destroy a Dalek when wired directly into the casing. Which the Doctor did within moments.
She picked up Sarah Connor’s prone, beaten, but breathing body, and walked out of the factory. Moments later it exploded.
* * *
The Doctor came to in the TARDIS.
“Fun, wasn’t it?” The Dream Lady asked.
“You’re all of my dark impulses, I don’t need to listen to you,” The Doctor replied, sharply.
“But you like winning, you don’t care about that stupid collateral damage. Or at least you didn’t in there. You killed People in the name of victory. All we need to get to, is the point where you don’t care about that out here. You didn’t need to kill them to win.”
“There are rules to every genre.” The Doctor replied.
“In dreams there are no rules,” The Dream Lady retorted. “But I will enjoy playing with you over these next few years. I wonder what I’ll put you through next-”
“Presumably equally insane bullshit. Goodbye, Dream Lady.”
The Dream ended as the Dream Lady disappeared, and the Doctor came to in a pile of drugs. She had evidently taken some Psychic Pollen last night. Must have been a hell of a party.
She walked over to the window, and looked out at the stars. Real people. Each Star had billions, trillions, so, so, many people. Every one of them mattered. She needed to remember that. She was always working with real people.
She slammed the window drapes shut.
The End
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