Diary Of River Song 3


The Lady In The Lake By Nev Fountain

Arguably more of a sucker punch than 5:29, Lady In The Lake will soutee your organs and have you emotionally die in agony. It’s a different beast from 5:29, but that’s its closest allegory, and it just feels like screaming in your ear for fifty minutes at times. Not that there’s actual screaming. Emotional screaming. 
Hello Sweetie: Are you more emotionally damaged than River is? Is she more emotionally damaged than you? It’s a flip of a coin! I will admit one thing…
This is an expertly produced and well written production in which Alex Kingston is phenomenal. Highlight the spot after my score for my real score if you’re curious.
Overall: Enjoy having your brain pulled out through your ears. This is one of those River stories. Emotional Depression/10. 9/10

A Requiem For The Doctor by Jaqueline Rayner 

A Requiem For The Doctor is a break after the soul crushing Lady In The Lake and is more of a palate cleanser/the most average Who you get. 
Hello Sweetie: Utterly Average River Fair. Her relationship with 5 is as bland as River’s Doctor relations get. 
Brave Heart: My Problem with 5 is he’s clearly aged, his voice sounds nothing like he did on TV, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. My other problem with 5 is that he’s Mr. Bland. He has so few identifiable traits, apart from Celery which he wears not for his own character but his health. This is as bland as he gets, as River’s our main character, so 5 doesn’t even get that distinction.
Overall: A Requiem For The Doctor is very bland who. Inoffensive: 7/10

My Dinner With Andrew By John Dorney

A Moffat-esque Adventure, this is the first time Diary of River Song goes into Timey Wimey scenarios. It is brilliant. The Mait’reD is one of the best one story wonder characters, Andrew himself adds a fun degree to the story, Kovarian is peak antagonist, the story in general is just plain gorgeous. One of the best River’s.
Hello Sweetie: River is definitely in her element here, I’ll say that. I’m continually astonished at the way Alex Kingston handles these wobbly Time ball of scripts. 
Top tier River material. 
Brave Heart: Mostly Absent. Entertaining and very funny in the bits he’s in. 
Andrew: The way Peter Davison portrays Andrew with the same voice he always uses but manages to make him a distinct character is very impressive, and to be honest, I like Andrew more than 5. Fight me. 
That Eyepatch Woman Lady: Kovarian is such a venomous and fun character. I’d want more of her if it wasn’t for how well this and The Furies wraps up her arc.
She’s That Eyepatch Woman Lady Because that was my nickname for her before we knew her name in Series Six. Which is one of my favorite series, by the way. 
Overall: Not one of my favorite stories, but objectively, this is one of the finest scripts yet: 10/10

The Furies By Matt Fitton

One of Fitton’s better efforts, The Furies is fun and creative, delving into River’s childhood and her relationship with her weird clone things that have driven the box set so far. Kovarian is here too, and she’s oddly awesome, fighting off drones with a gun that’s about half the size of her entire body, and later fighting off the same drones with River’s help. Audio battles are rarely good, they’re usually just noise, but this episode manages to make it exciting. 
Hello Sweetie: Alex Kingston knows how to River on audio now. She’s amazing. Her compassion, her anger, her strength, she’s everything that makes the doctor work while having that edge of pragmatism that makes her entirely her own character, while not falling into the pit of endless sarcasm like Benny does (although I do like Benny) and I can’t emphasize how better this River is than the (already amazing) one on television. This whole thing feels like a Matt Smith era TV story without falling into the trappings of that era. 
That Eyepatch Woman Lady: Frances Barber has a raw danger to her, the kind of sociopathy that very few actors can portray. She grasps onto the expanded role that she’s given very well. 
Overall: A Slightly Average Yet Striking End To The Box Set. 8.5/10

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