The Diary Of River Song 2

The Unknown By Guy Adams

River’s series spoofs Star Trek, after having done Indiana Jones in the Boundless Sea and Poirot In Marvelous Party. It does it pretty dang well. Most entertaining is the villain, Murphy, and his buddy, the Ship’s computer. 

This is a pretty bonkers episode, and it has some pretty great comedy moments, but overall it’s pretty By the Numbers River. 

Hello, Sweetie: River isn’t much different, she’s a quality River, doing River things. Her chemistry with McCoy is really great.

Unlimited Rice Pudding: Sylvester McCoy as the Seventh Doctor is peak quality, and is very lovable here. It however, will only take a few more appearances for these forgotten Doctor storylines to get grating, and this one nearly does. 

Overall: The Unknown is a story that I really like, and what it does, it does very well.

I’m pretty sure I can’t give it higher than a 7/10, but give it a listen, it’s fun. That’s what it does best. 

Five Twenty Nine By John Dorney

I hate this one, because what it does, it does very very well, and that is make you feel existential despair and the fear of your loved ones dying. 

This is not a fun story. I could barely get through it. 

I however, have to give it’s credit it’s due, and it’s really, really, well written. I hate that it’s well written. This audio tore me up, and did exactly what it set out to do, and that is kill your organs. I repeat, this one is not a fun listen. I will never listen to it again. 

Hello Sweetie: Jesus, is River perfectly written here. I hate that she is. She’s not like the Doctor, she can’t save the world, so she’ll try to save four people. Her determination to save these people, and eventual failure, is heartbreaking. River positively sings here. And you almost don’t want her to.

Overall: If you can’t tell, I despise this audio. I hate unhappy things. Yet, as a reviewer, I have to say, that yes, it is as good as you think it is.

I don’t want to recommend this.

I don’t want to put anyone else through it.

But: Yes. It’s a begrudging 10/10. Now leave it alone. 

World Enough And Time By James Goss

A palate cleanser, after Five Twenty Nine. World Enough and Time is a kind of low average story for Big Finish, which focuses on giving River and the Sixth Doctor a romance of all things. This is better than it sounds, but is still pretty bad.

The audio has a good setting, and a good concept, which is almost entirely ignored, a company that makes dreams. Now, it then proceeds to frustratingly boil it down to yes, the company is evil and is putting slugs in their sleep machines. 

Hello, Sweetie: River is far more two dimensional than usual, pining for the Doctor, acting like a rejected ex, and being kind of crap. This is not what you should do to River. This is not what you should do to any character, boil them down to a love interest. I may not like Romance stories, but I know when one is good, and this ain’t it. Fix River, Please.

Gallifreyan Buccaneer: Six is weird. He’s decided to buy out this company for god knows what reasons, it certainly doesn’t help him figure out the mystery. And the plot decides for him to focus on paperwork to drive a wedge between him and River because reasons. 

Overall: A story is bad when it falls apart the more you think about it.

World Enough and Time does that. Ignore it, maybe ignore the next story too, and go watch the one on TV where the Cybermen capture Bill. That one is better. 4/10

The Eye Of The Storm By Matt Fitton.

The Sixth Doctor. The Seventh Doctor. River Song. The Culmination Of a Box Set. 

No Quality Writing Whatsoever. The Four above listed qualities are In this story. 

It’s incomprehensibly bad. Really really bad. It’s so bad, I refuse to write anything further. And yes, I did finish it. One point for the end credits scene: 1/10

UPDATE: I love this set. But the numbers, even adjusted as my opinions change with time, make it look terrrribllllle. Give it a chance.