NCBBDAS: Oh Flux - The Pretentious Episode
Part Three of Six
* * *
"Not many options," The Doctor thought. Because last weeks cliffhanger was good, this meant that she was going to have a lot of difficulty getting out of this one. Especially since she had a second to do it.
No, really, a second.
Not anything more than that. I mean, it's one second until Evil Dan "Ha-Ho"s his way into graphically murdering Danieru and Sarah. And putting them on a plynth? With the Merri? What are the Merri? What are the Mouri even? What is any of this
Is there literally any conceivable way that you can get out of this cliffhanger? No?
Okay, I guess the Doctor can bullet-time now. She usually can't, but for no explainable reason, the Doctor can now run at faster the speed of light - faster than the amount of time it will take for Evil Dan to snap his fingers. Last week he did snap his fingers too, we heard it, but no, we're just gonna act like that didn't happen. And also the Doctor is the Flash.
The Doctor has now - taken Danieru and Sarah out of the grasp of Evil Dan. Evil Yaz is screaming bloody murder, and oops we're in the time vortex now aaahhhh
In other news, it's been thirty seconds and I'm more baffled than most Doctor Who stories take an hour to do.
Yee-haw. Here we go.
Falling
Falling.
The Doctor was falling. In space. In time.
Above her were the faces of the Meri.
Sarah's face. Danieru's face. ...Joseph Williamson's face.
What the hell was going
* * *
Elizabeth's Story
I hope you can hear this, my love, because I am coming for you.
Nothing can stop me. Not the fact that this episode is jam packed already, not the fact that this series already has eighty supporting characters without me barging in at gunpoint, nothing.
I hope that I can find my way to you.
I find myself in a most disorienting place. The land is a jungle. Forbidding. Dangerous. And Then It Is Not. I forge through the trees, cutting through forest and making my way across the ruins. I look quite a sight, I will say, quite unlike a lady, in mud, and wearing trousers and a dirtied vest - but I still make my way. As an explorer through the forest. Time runs wild as the second Flux progresses through the universe. This planet is made and unmade by the moment. One second, I am in the Trees, Forging. The Next, I am walking on the stars.
The world is unmade and made, and I see it all. Waiting, here, for you.
They call it the Eminence's sector. And what a cruel force the Eminence are. Another species would have the decency of hunting me down with their own force, but the Eminence hunt me down with Corpses. Corpses of the friends I once knew in the Gentry of Liverpool. Where I lived with you, my love. I am so afraid. I am so alone, but I will get out.
I must. I have to.
* * *
"I had to buy us time!" The Doctor explained. "Literally. I had to. We're in the Time Storm! Heart of the Universe! Not the one on Atropos! No, the heart of the heart of the time storm!"
"What" Sarah screamed in the distance.
"No, really! We're in a secret temple in a secret city. We happen to be in secret time, the time before time. An abstract concept in an abstract concept." The Doctor shrieked.
Sarah Connor disappeared.
"No! Sarah!"
Danieru disappeared.
"Danieru! Oh, DAMN IT! Stay with me!"
Joseph Williamson disappeared.
"Okay so I don't really care about that guy but UGH!"
The Doctor put her face in her hands and she continued to fall.
* * *
BEFORE THE BEFORE TIMES
Those days, the word Doctor didn't exist. Those days, although she was legally an adult, all she was ever called was the Child.
"On My Command," The Child said.
The Team stood behind her. The Faces of Sarah, Williamson, and Danieru.
"We're going in. They have hostages." The Child explained. "I need you all to be prepared for the worst."
Sarah Connor nodded, but she wasn't Sarah Connor.
Not Danieru made a face. "What do we really know about them?"
"Nothing. No Teams with Temporal Logs have survived. They're asking for the Child."
"Well, they're not going to get the Child." Not Danieru said.
The Child sighed. "Not that I have any say in this or anything. You all would do well to remember who I am. You are under my command."
"Fine. The Aerial shelling is now complete. Should've weakened primary defenses to give us a way in. Just give the word." Not-Williamson said.
"We have a few time jump charges. There won't be many." Not-Sarah said. "We can jump backwards a few seconds in time if something catastrophic goes wrong."
"It won't." The Child said, but then she remembered, and she was the Doctor. "What? Where am I? What's going on? I thought I was in the vortex - with - why is this so confusing -"
"Oh, damn, she's glitching again." Not-Williamson said.
"If she can't lead us, then -" Not Danieru began, but she was cut off.
"No. We take her in. She's the leader." Not-Sarah said, and they did.
* * *
Waterworld
Danieru was on a date with Faith. It was something that had happened before. Something she remembered. But Faith's face kept flickering into the face of Time Travelling Richard Nixon, so the mood in reliving the memory was pretty shit.
But it was a good memory in the seconds she remembered it, and she was happy. She was happy in this world that she had created, forged through battle. She was queen of this planet, and she had a lovely lovely consort. And she remembered that it was all lost, Waterworld was gone, exploded, and she would probably never see Faith again, and it was really sad. Not even counting the times Richard Nixon's face kept glitching into the memory. Probably because they wanted to keep re-using actors.
But it was still sad.
And she did keep hearing the Doctor's voice. Something about "How she couldn't hold onto anything."
What the fuck was this episode's pretentious nonsense holy cow
* * *
Gallifrey
Sarah Connor remembered the time she was made. Her legs were screwed together in front of her very eyes. Because in Gallifreyan engineering, they usually made the synaptic brain first and then put everything together as it went on. So really, she could remember pretty much the entirety of her construction, although she didn't like to remember that she was an android based on the construct of a character in a film, and more liked to differentiate herself with simple explosions. Because blowing stuff up is mindless, and nice, and when you're doing that, you forget how ultimately completely fake you are. Built for a purpose.
The scientist who made her, a woman named Mirya - she had the face of The Doctor some of the time. And for a brief moment, in the corner of her eye, she saw Roman - what was Roman doing here - watching with his old stern eyes and she realized how much this whole thing was wrong. And she screamed and kicked and tried to get out, but the fact was that she was an electronic brain lying on a table, and that was that.
* * *
Liverpool
Williamson remembered getting permission to build the tunnels. He didn't get any. He was emphatically told, no, you fat bastard, why the hell would you want to build tunnels for the coming apocalypse, and the people laughed, and they called him 'eccentric', which was the polite high society way of saying that you were fucking out of it.
The Chief Politician was a strange fellow. Not least because he was the Chief Politician and in this memory he had the face of Danieru, but no, Williamson could remember his original face, and how odd it was. The eyes were just too far apart. That may sound fake to you, and a bit of like, an impolite criticism of facial structure, and you could almost consider it so, but the fact is the strange perturbed little man, if you really focused on it, had eyes on each side of his head and not the front.
Perception Filter, The Doctor said in his head.
Williamson knew it was conspiracy, and now he had proof. Of course he did. They were out to get him! They were out to get Williamson and his tunnels, his lovely lovely tunnels and so he had to prove them wrong didn't he he had to tunnel and tunnel and tunnel just to tell the bastards that it would be the end of the world and when the end of the world came, well, then it wouldn't be their fault, no, he would have done his duty for humanity. Aye, Liverpool would survive in the face of small-minded men.
Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel Tunnel!
He had known before he wanted to build the tunnels but now that it was asked that he had not to, well. now, they had done it! Now, It had to be so.
* * *
BEFORE THE BEFORE TIMES
The Doors were blown, and they walked in. The four of them, a team. A proficient military force. Sped up a few seconds ahead of normal in time, they moved at unnatural speed through the complex. Faster than the brain could comprehend. The guards were still to them. And when you shot one of them, they didn't move at all, you just knew they were dead because they were dead, you were just too damn fast for there to be any reaction at all, they just stood there, waiting for time to stop so they could crumple to the floor.
The Child saw herself in the Glass.
"Who are you??" The Child asked.
"I'm the Doctor, luv." The Doctor hissed. "Who the bloody hell are you?"
"I'm the Child." The Child said. "That's all I've ever been called."
Of course, The Doctor thought. That's all she ever was to them back then. The Timeless Child. A fuel source. But she knew all of her lives as the Timeless Child.
"Are you the Timeless Child?" The Doctor asked.
"No, Doctor. It is time for you to learn the truth." The Child said. "Remember The Big Fucking Gallifrey Thing?"
"Oh yeah, you referenced that in episode one, right?" The Doctor asked confusedly.
"Now it is time for you to learn of it. Learn what the Big Fucking Gallifrey Thing is. I'm the Timeless Timeless Child." The Child said.
"what"
"I'm the Timeless Timeless Child," The Child said. "I'm the Timeless Child of The Timeless Child."
"Explain." The Doctor hissed in such a voice that she was simultaneously whispering and yelling out of sheer anger.
"Well, before the Timeless Child fell out of the vortex in your world and Tecteun found her, I fell out of the vortex into the universe that I initially fell out of when I met Tecteun and there I was kidnapped by The Timeless Tecteun."
"The, Timeless, Tecteun," The Doctor took a moment to process. "My ... my life..."
"You have hundreds more lives than you thought, Doctor." The Timeless Timeless Child told her.
The Doctor thought about this for a second, and then replied. "Fuck you," and then walked on to continue with this dumb fucking memory.
* * *
In the center of the Complex, they entered the room.
Gat, Solpado and En-Sentac were there, held at gunpoint.
"Afternoon, experiments." The Child said, waltzing in, as her crew entered behind her.
"What's the point of being alive?" Evil Dan asked, pointing the gun to the neck of Solpado.
A terrifying threat, but the Child stood strong.
Evil Dan and Evil Yaz stood at the center of the room. The room was filled with machinery of all kinds. A Fascinating amount of kinds.
"Ooh, I get it. You have hostages." The Child smirked. "You think that will stop Division?"
"You created us," Evil Yaz hissed. "And so we will destroy you. Do you appreciate our forms, Child?" She laughed.
The Experiments were made for Division. To Serve Division. For them to riot in such a manner is heinous, the Child thought. They had new faces too. New costumes. They had removed all of their former identities. As if to insult Divison itself.
"No, I can't say I do." The Child replied.
"We chose them specifically for you. Someone from your past. Or your future, we so easily get those confused," Evil Yaz helpfully explained. "We experiments will soon be free from you and your accursed Infernus project."
"Yeah," Evil Dan added, mockingly.
The Child rolled her eyes. "And your plan?"
"We will release Time from it's prison you have constructed." Evil Yaz said. She shamefully added a moment later: "It worked well as a plan for the Ravagers, I suppose. Whatever to make the Time Lords and Division suffer."
"And your demands?" The Child asked again. Making fun of them was important. Make them not pay attention to the fact they had all the cards.
Evil Yaz deferred to Evil Dan for a moment. "Nobody needs Soup more than us."
* * *
Liverpool
The Chief Politician laughed maniacally while looking at the camera. "HAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA I AM EVIL, , , I AM SO Evil , , I AM Evil, REMEMBER THAT MY CHARATCER EXISTS BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SHOW UP AGAIN TWO EPISODES FROM NOW AHAHHAHAH, , , THIS IS DEFINITELY HOW TO CORRECTLY PLOT A SIX-PART SERIAL WITH A RECURRING CAST AAHRRHRHRHRHRH"
* * *
Tyranian Capital Ship, The Theorem
Danieru made a face. Where was she? This episode had no consistency.
Grand Marshall Hugo Endeavor stood there in front of her.
"Oh. Grand Marshall," She said, extending a hand. "I'm Danieru."
"I'm Grand Marshall Hugo Endeavor," he responded amiably.
"Cool. Yeah, um, I know that. Could you please tell me literally anything about yourself?"
"No." He admitted disappointedly.
"Then why have you BEEN in half of the episodes of the season if you aren't going to be relevant until very late in the season?" Danieru asked.
Grand Marshall Hugo Endeavor considered this for a moment quite deeply, and because of all of the effort he was putting into doing that, his head began to hurt, and he had a bit of a nosebleed, and so he had to lie down before squeaking out a "Sorry. Can't answer that."
"I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE HAVE A REASON TO BE IN THESE STORIES."
"No." He said spitefully, and lying there on the floor he went to sleep as Danieru began to scream and kick objects.
* * *
Elizabeth's Story
Yep haha we're back doing this plot thread. isn't that cool. As a matter of fact, I'm going to be in EVERY episode from here on out. You just try and stop me.
I'm going to make all of these stories so much more busy. You thought these stories were busy before? Well, they're more busy now. Get used to it. I am going to show up in every episode, and a cavalcade of continuity will follow me.
I'm pretty sure you thought the Slitheen weren't going to be involved in this arc well haha oops they are. Yep, a bunch of Slitheen walked into my spaceship which is coincidentally also Richard Nixon's spaceship and I beat them up. I'm also pregnant.
* * *
THE TARDIS
Sarah Connor was in the TARDIS. She didn't think this was strange because continuity was kind of going wild at the moment. This episode was pretentious and had no consistency and all of the actors were played by the other actors. The Doctor was also in the TARDIS, but her face was a Dalek.
"HEY SARAH," The Dalek-Doctor grated. "YOU WANNA GO WATCH SOMETHING COOL ON TV? OR GO ON AN AWESOME SPACE ADVENTURE?"
Sarah did not know why the Doctor was played by a different actor for a few seconds in this memory other than the story was trying to be smarter than it was. She also didn't know why this particular different actor was a a Dalek other than, her best assumption, which was currently 'holy shit the universe hates me.'
A flickering voice of the Doctor came in for a moment: "Hold on, luv, I've nearly got you.."
* * *
The Doctor was falling again.
"You cannot stay in these illusions, Doctor!" The Merri screamed at her. "If you stay in the memories, than the time storm will shear you to pieces!!"
"I need to get my friends out!! I have to!"
"Time will destroy you, Doctor."
"The planet Time, the concept Time, or the creature Time?" The Doctor said. "The universe is so fucking ambiguous these days."
"Space." The Merri said, dramatically.
The Doctor swore at this inconsistent and confusing dialog, and she resumed falling.
* * *
BEFORE THE BEFORE TIMES
"Oh. I'm back here." The Doctor said, before realizing she was the Child. The Child was facing the Experiments - Experiments of something called Infernus - what was that? And what was her memory involving Gat and Roman? Did this have to do with it?
Too many questions, none of them which would be answered satisfactorily.
Evil Dan raised his wok in aggravation. "Alright, Mate. This is It."
"Quite so." Evil Yaz added. "We will take what we need. You will leave us."
"Not how it works, Doll." The Child replied. "You will surrender to us. And you will hope that we feel lenient."
Evil Dan chuckled. "Ha Ho! Ha Ho! Lenient? Sorry, Mate, You Don't Get It, Do Ya?"
"Then it's a standoff." The Child said, pausing carefully, before quietly saying a code-phrase.
"Wha?" Evil Dan asked, confused, but then her team barreled in. The Time agents that thanks to the storm had the faces of Josephson, Danieru and Sarah. But everything was all the more unstable now, and they were flickering, and she could see the faces of the original operatives - albeit briefly. "Nixon?" She asked confused, as she looked at Not-Josephson. He was. He was Time Travelling Richard Nixon. What did Time Travelling Richard Nixon have to do with her past?
"Contain them." Not-Danieru said, levying a gun at Evil Dan and Yaz.
"We'll kill the hostages!" Evil Yaz bellowed savagely. "Miserable creatures, you think you can contain us?!!? We are unlimited!!"
"We've already secured the hostages," Not-Sarah laughed.
"You are beneath Division." The Child said. "Inprison them."
"We will break free! We will have our revenge!" Evil Yaz's eyes were bloodshot.
"Ha HO! You don't know what you're gettin into, mate!"
The Child smirked. Another Victory. The Experiments would not bother her again.
* * *
Infernus
"Doctor." He said.
"Where am I?" The Doctor asked.
"I took you out. I've taken you and your friends out." Roman said.
"Roman?" The Doctor said, confused. "Why are you here?"
"I am not Roman. I think perhaps it is the Time Storm's interference that confuses me for Roman in your memories. Allow me a moment for my face to clear."
As it did, she saw his face all the more clearly. "Davros." She whispered.
"Yes," He whispered. "It is I."
"You're..."
"You will not look into the Infernus Project, Doctor. Or I will be forced to at last eliminate you." He snarled. "And I do enjoy our conversations. It would be a shame if we were not to have any more due to a foolish indiscretion of yours. You shall learn to leave us well enough alone."
"You can't think that - that - you, Davros, working for the Division - is something I could even leave alone."
"You will." He replied.
And as the Doctor tried to scream, she felt herself pulled out.
* * *
Seattle
With that, The Doctor, Josephson, Danieru, and Sarah found themselves in the middle of the room with the Merri, where they had been left.
"Where are Evil Yaz and Dan?" Danieru asked.
"I... I think they're called the experiments..." The Doctor trailed off. "Come on. Back to the TARDIS. We have work to do."
"I must stay here." Williamson said.
"Really? Here? What could you be looking for here?" Sarah asked.
"Oh. My Wife." Williamson replied. "Her Name's Elizabeth...Elizabeth Tate..."
* * *
The Three of them walked back into the TARDIS.
"Something's wrong." Sarah said. "I can feel it."
"Yep. I can feel it too, pet." The Doctor mused. "Something, at the very least. We need to track the Experiments down. And fast. And also find out whatever Project Infernus is..."
"A what what?" Sarah blubbered.
"I can't help but feel confused based on the past hour myself." Danieru said. "But at least it's over now."
"Yeah. At least the story is over, and there's no problems."
"TACKED ON CLIFFHANGER TIME," said a Cyberman, appearing out of nowhere.
This Story (Hypothetically) Stars
Brenda Blethyn as The Doctor
Linda Hamilton as Sarah Connor
Rinko Kikuchi as Danieru
Rachel Weisz as Elizabeth Tate
Steve Oram as Joseph WilliamsonJohn Bishop as Evil Dan
Mandip Gill as Evil Yaz
Sigourney Weaver as The Voice Of The Merri
Stuart Milligan as Time Traveling Richard Nixon
Mads Mikkelson as Grand Marshall Hugo Endeavor
Hugh Ross As The Chief Politician
Emma Pierson as Faith
Ony Uhiara as Mirya
Ritu Arya as Gat
Kirsty Besterman as Soplado
Sarah Amankwah as En-CentacWith
Ian McKellan as Roman
Terry Molloy as Davros
Sigourney Weaver as The Voice Of The Merri
Annette Badland as The Slitheen
David Sibley as The Eminence
Nicholas Briggs as The Cybermen
And Featuring A Special Guest Star Appearance of
Essie Davis as The Timeless Child/The Doctor
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