NCJDDAS: Weakest Link of The Daleks Part Two

NCJDDAS: Weakest Link of the Daleks

Part Two 

Previously on Doctor Who…

Upon an attempt to return Cherry to her own timeline after the fanwanky funeral of a past companion, she and Roman were trapped in a script formatted game of the Weakest Link with The Master, Davros, The Rani, The Monk, The Eleven and Celestial Toymaker! While the Doctor is seemingly powerless to help them, Roman has been eliminated as the weakest link, and new companion Cherry faces Davros, The Eleven and The Master alone…

Chapter One

Doctor: Hey! Hey, you! Can we take a recess from the game for like, five minutes? This script format doesn’t allow me to move, and I’m cramping my ankles.

Dalek Anne: Unorthodox request granted.

The Doctor got up, out of her rigid frozen script, and walked over to Cherry. “Cherry, I know this is a lot to ask, I know you’re confused, and I know it’s crazy, but this is a game. I need you to win it! I believe in you, and if Davros, The Master or The Eleven win, it’ll be the end of Earth for good!” 

Cherry made a confused face. “This is a game? I thought it was psychological torture!” The Doctor responded, “well, um, yes. Just give it your all, Cherry. I’m going to see how best I can enter the game myself, but for now, we’re relying on you. And we need to find out what happens to eliminated contestants…I’m not losing Roman after the hell I went through last time. Gotcha?” 

Cherry sighed. “Doctor, I-“

“No arguments. You’ve tried to kill me before, Cherry, please try and break even.” 

Cherry steeled herself. “Dalek Anne, I’m ready to continue the game.” 

The other villains made vicious faces, but deep down they were surprised at her courage. What kind of human toy had the Doctor found herself now? 

And as Dalek Ann cried out, the game continued. 

Round Four

Cherry felt the change to script format deep in her bones, and she signaled the Doctor before it came over her. The Doctor grabbed her sonic. 

Dalek Anne: Alrighty, let’s play… the weakest link! Master, what is the square root of 120,309? 

The Master: 347. 

Dalek Anne: Incorrect! The correct answer is 347, dummy! 

The Master: I GOT IT RIGHT, YOU DIMWIT

Dalek Anne: This is my show! And you’re toast for responding with emojis! Cherry, what kind of fashion was most popular in the 1920s??

Cherry: OH HELL YES! EVERYTHING I’M WEARING

Dalek Anne: Correct! Davros! Quote the final Ahab monologue from Moby Dick,

Davros: To the last, I grapple with thee! From Hell’s Heart I stab at thee! For Hates Sake I spit my last breath at thee!

Dalek Anne: You really know that?

Davros: I sing it in the shower!

Dalek Anne: The Eleven! Which of your regenerations is most practiced with the abilities of hypnotism?

The Eleven: Oh, yes, well that’d be (voice changes) ME! 

Dalek Anne: Answer rejected due to inspecifics. It’s time to vote off….the weakest link!

Voice-Over: The Weakest Link that round was The Master. The strongest were Cherry and Davros. But will the contestants notice? 

The Master: The Eleven!

Cherry: Davros!

Davros: The Eleven! 

The Eleven: Davros! 

Dalek Anne: We have a tie! Our audience member will decide, Doctor, who is the weakest link! 

Doctor: Oh, thank you, finally I get a chance to speak in all this ruckus. The Eleven is the strongest link, he has eleven minds to bounce ideas off of, so I will vote him off! 

Dalek Anne: Eleven, you are the weakest link! Goodbye! 

The Eleven: I’m not going quietly! Because I can move by narrating my actions in this script format! Look at me, I’m getting out a gun and shooting the Master, look at me! 

The Master: Oh, no, that hurts!! 

Dalek Anne: Such Embarrassing dialogue! Well, Doctor, the eleven and the Master are now out of the competition! If you would take the Master’s place in her absence? You are, after all, best friends! 

The Master: No, no! She planned this! How did she plan this?! ARGH! 

Dalek Anne: The Eleven, The Master, you are the weakest links! Goodbye! 

Chapter Two

Behind the stage, having been disqualified out of script format, the Master, Eleven, Rani, Monk and Roman lay. 

“The Doctor’s manipulating the game somehow!” The Master growled. “How did she manage to get into the game? A replacement for a disqualified contestant? It makes no sense!” 

Roman growled. “I’m not one to complain! Soon, she’ll win the contest!” 

The Rani held a knife to his throat. “Calm down, you miserable git!” She snapped. “The Doctor cannot win the game! It’s exactly what he wants!”

“Who?” Roman gasped. 

“Davros! He’s controlling Dalek Anne! It’s making perfect sense! if the Doctor wins the game, the rights of earth revert to her, right? Well, remember this space station? It’s Starcorp! If the Doctor wins, the rights of earth go to Starcorp as a tiny rule in fine print under her Starcorp CEO paycheck! And then, Davros, as part of starcorp, he’d need to be to control Dalek Anne, will be owner of earth anyway!” 

“He’s setting up a win win scenario.” Roman gasped. “The only way Davros doesn’t win, is if Cherry wins the game! What can we do?”

Roman turned to the crowd of villains. “Monk, Rani, Eleven, Master, I know we’ve disagreed before, but...Davros will kill all of us if he succeeds! In the name of decency, we have to help Cherry win!”

“Decency!” The Master, Monk, Eleven and Rani started laughing hysterically. 

Roman thought about what they would want.

“In the name of money, we have to help Cherry win!” Roman corrected himself, and The Eleven, Rani, Monk and Master suddenly realized they had an agreement.

They began tearing up consoles of the station, and went to work. 

Round Five, Chapter Three

Dalek Anne: Alright, everybody! Let’s play...the weakest link! Doctor, what is the crystal emitter variance of a chronotron hydrometer?

Doctor: 32.14! 

Dalek Anne: Correct! Cherry, what is the capital of New York?

Cherry: Albany! 

Dalek Anne: Correct! Davros, what is the purpose of the special weapons Dalek in any story that is not Remembrance of the Daleks?

Davros: Fanservice!

Dalek Anne: Correct! We have a three way tie! Fzzt! I- I I. HELLO EVERYONE I AM YOUR HOST DALEK ANNE I AM TOTALLY DALEK ANNE AND NOT BEING HACKED BY THE OTHER CONTESTANTS WOOO-EEEE IT SURE IS TIME FOR ROUND SIX OH YAY 

Doctor: Oh, come on! We need to vote Davros off! It’s time to vote off the weakest link, come on, I want to win! 

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): FZZT HI IM DALEK ANNE IT’S TOTALLY ROUND SIX NOW GUYS FZZT 

Roman (From Backstage:) It’s working perfectly! 

Round Six: Chapter Four

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): HI I’M DEFINITELY DALEK ANNE, DOCTOR, IT’S TIME FOR YOUR QUESTION. WHAT IS ROMAN’S FAVORITE MOVIE?

Doctor: Aw, geez… I know this….it’s,... a ...movie…? 

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): HE’S TRIED TO SHOW YOU IT SEVERAL TIMES NOW. 

Doctor: Aw geez. It has like...um…

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): DOCTOR YOU BITCH MY FAVORITE MOVIE IS SPIRITED AWAY. Achem. REITERATING THAT I AM TOTALLY DALEK ANNE. OKAY, CHERRY. What is Torchwood Recruitment Hub Required Reading?

Cherry: How to shoot for dummies, how to perform exorcisms for dummies, and Fifty Shades of Grey, so we know what we’re fighting against. 

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): Davros, what is the famous lyric in the Beatles Song, All You Need is Love, All You Need Is BLANK? 

Davros: All you need is autocannibalism? 

Dalek Anne (Controlled By Roman): Davros! You are the weakest link! Goodbye! 

Epilogue:

The Doctor, Roman and Cherry stepped out of the Weakest Link studio. 

“If we show up in one more place and there’s one more game show, I am going to commit genocide.” Roman said. Cherry nodded. The doctor nodded. 

“You saved my butt back there, Cherry,” the Doctor said.

“Achem!” replied Roman.

“You too, Roman. It was a Doctor-lite episode, face it. But the point is, Cherry, you’ve more than proven yourself. I respect you. I’m going to take you home now.”

“Wait, what? Excuse me, Doctor! But, um, Cherry is the most efficient and helpful person you’ve met since bloody me!”

“Yeah! I like her. But she has tried to kill me.” The Doctor responded.

“So has your wife!” Roman replied, irritated. “Come on, do the huge anywhere in time and space speech for her. Persuade her to come with us, come on, please? Pretty please?”

“Cherry, I, um. You don’t have to go home if you want, you could come with us.”

“Thanks, Doctor, but I, um...can you keep a secret? ... I have a girlfriend back home in the 20s.” Cherry replied. 

“Well, that’s that then.” The Doctor said. 

“Doctor, you’re really gonna drop Cherry and her girlfriend off in a time when they get shot if they even get noticed? Come fucking on!” Roman growled. 

“Wait, what? Things...change?” Cherry asked. “A time when they get shot- that changes? At other times, things get better?”

“Of course.” The Doctor said. “I mean, you’re aware of technology far beyond your century, I had thought you would have known…”

“No. I’m not told anything at Torchwood about the future other than how to mount a laser and operate electricity.” Cherry said. 

“Well, let’s go pick up Cherry’s girlfriend then.” The Doctor said. “If you two are gonna demand it.”

“What, really?” 

“Come on, another companion? Three companion TARDIS teams always work! They aren’t hated by the fandom at all! Come on, here’s the TARDIS!” 

The TARDIS stood against the wall smoking, terribly damaged and scorched with the heat of infinite suns. 

“It’s gonna take us a solid season to get back to the 1920s, right?”

“Yep!” 

The End

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred

Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor

Scarlett Johansson as Cherry

Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman

Julian Bleach as Davros

Michelle Yeoh as The Master

Mark Bonnar as The Eleven

Bette Midler as The Rani

Sir John Cleese as The Monk

Nicholas Briggs as Dalek Anne

And 

Robert Redford As The Celestial Toymaker

Because of this following end credits scene: 

As The Doctor, Cherry and Roman entered the smoking TARDIS, the room dissolved into nothing. The Toymaker stood in the center of it, laughing. He moved his dolls of Davros, The Master, Rani, Eleven, Monk and Dalek Anne into the corner. What a fun game this had been. A shame he let himself out of it so early, but that was to alleviate suspicion, and it just wouldn’t have been fair if he kept playing, it just wouldn’t have been fair for the Doctor. He laughed. 

Round one had gone to the Doctor, but the game was just beginning...