(MAIN RANGE): The Arbiter's Lack
(MAIN RANGE): The Arbiter's Lack
Starring The Sixth Doctor as played by Colin Baker and Constance Clarke as played by Miranda Raison
As with all Big Finish companion stories on this blog NO you don't need to know the character
you should, they're great but you don't need to
Chapter One
There is no law on the planet Stylus. There aren't any Pens either, which is probably why they got away with naming it that, but there is, as said, no law.
There is no crime either. Not strictly speaking, as well, everything is legal, but the things usually considered illegal do not happen there.
Somebody said "Don't do it" a few generations back, and well, The Stylonians, (people of Stylus) happened to all be incredibly naive, and have not done any reprehensible thing since out of the mere fear that it could possibly enforced. As time went by, those people didn't do it, and well, eventually as the generations passed, the people had no concept of crime or misdemeanor of any kind. They were incapable of conceiving it.
Until The Doctor opened his big mouth.
* * *
The TARDIS landed, and Constance stepped out, buttoned up in a prim fashion, wearing her dress as if it was a uniform. She was carrying a parasol. "Doctor? Wherever have you brought us?"
"Well, Mrs. Clarke," The Doctor began, "The Planet is marked in the TARDIS database as Stylus. It is as of this point, one of the few places that are even left in the Milky Way, that I haven't been."
"Oh. So you've brought us out of curiosity?" Constance asked.
"Indeed I have, Mrs. Clarke, indeed I have."
"Doctor, I do hesitate to ask, but as for the coat? Perhaps you could change it? This is in a way, a, oh dear, what is the term?... A first contact."
"I, my dear Constance, am positively excellent at first impressions." The Doctor said, strolling forward confidently. "Come along now!"
A green skinned creature that looked like a cartoon drawing of a Salamander, a lizard without any texture, wearing a garish multi-colored coat walked nearby, and gasped. "Oh my stars!" The scaleless lizard exclaimed. "What are you wearing?"
"...I believe they're talking to you." The Doctor said smugly.
Constance pursed her lip.
"I'm happy to meet you, my good fellow. Hello. I am the Doctor." The Doctor said, shaking hands with the smiling lizard person. "I must apologize for my travelling companion. As phenomenal as Mrs. Clarke is with numbers and good thinking, she does lack a certain...sartorial elegance."
Constance elbowed the Doctor.
The Lizard looked at them for a bit longer.
"May I ask, what is your name?" The Doctor inquired.
"...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA." The Lizard Man's mouth unhinged to produce a unearthly noise.
"Mm. I'm afraid I can't pronounce that." The Doctor said, apologetically. "May I call you Ua?"
Ua nodded.
"Well, Ua, The Doctor and I are tourists. And we were wondering if we could see a taste of your culture here on Stylus, so if you wouldn't mind pointing us towards some sort of a landmark?"
Ua pointed them towards a pyramid cycle in the distance, and The Doctor and Constance walked off.
Such strange people.
Ua thought to themselves, confused. She had...placed her elbow at high speed into the Doctor's chest? As a showing of affection?
Ua walked over to another Lizard Person. He attempted to elbow them, but he had a spiked carapaced arm.
The Lizard's persons head fell onto the street, Ua covered in their white blood.
And The Doctor and Constance, in the distance, laughingly taking pictures and joking around, walked down into the street, hand in hand, unaware of what they had started, as they strolled into the distance.
Chapter Two
"You know, Constance, I'm rather enjoying myself." The Doctor commented.
Ua suddenly ran up to them, covered in white blood and shrieking. "Thank you Doctor! Thank you Mrs. Clarke! I did not know physical assault was possible!"
He sliced off a nearby Lizard person's head and meanwhile people continued to go on throughout their day.
"What? Doctor? Whatever is he doing?" Constance stuttered, trying desperately to remain a prim and proper Mary Poppins type while Ua did a gig and smashed nearby people's heads together.
"Ua, I don't believe I understand what you're trying to accomplish. Murder is wrong."
"Why? What's that?" Asked Ua, truly unaware why because he hadn't even heard of the term or even very much about the concept of morality really. "It's very fun." He said innocently.
"Murder is the ending of another innocent life. It is the worst crime in the universe, minus taking your socks off on an airplane, genocide, and other things that could possibly trigger people that I shan't mention." The Doctor said.
"I'm sorry? What's crime?" Ua asked. "Is it also fun?'
"Well, how would you feel if it happened to you?" Constance asked, cautiously.
"Well, I don't think I would feel much all things considered, it seems to happen rather quickly unless you stretch it out." Ua said again.
"Oh, dear!" Constance shrieked. "What is going on!
The Doctor gritted his teeth. This was worse than The Meddling Monk's last public barbecue.
"Mrs. Clarke! Don't you understand? Somehow this place has no concept of crime! No concept of law, of that aspect of morality! It's ludicrous!"
Ua ran off into the distance yelling. "I will now take your things and I shall keep them! There are no repercussions!"
"Doctor! Whatever should we do?" Constance asked, emotional.
The Doctor thought to himself. "Hm. Ah, This whole series of events reminds me of one of my previous adventures. Long ago, Susan, Ian, Barbara and I-"
"Who?"
"Remind me to tell you about them. Ah, well we happened to encounter a species with no concept of Death due to their amoeba like bodies that granted them invulnerability to all others. Due to events leading to eachother, we had to explain to one of them that attacking the others was not good. But this... this is so much worse."
"How, Doctor?" Constance asked, eyes fluttering.
"Well, on this planet, we have little to no concept of law, of morality to cling to. It hasn't happened in such a long time, that well, the people of this planet will not understand there is anything wrong with any of Ua's highly imitable behavior."
"And he got all of this from me elbowing someone?" Constance asked, incredulous.
"Indeed. It seems highly contrived."
The Doctor and Constance began to realize that Ua was getting away and began to proceed after him, running.
"Well, how do you think we can get Ua to understand what he's doing is wrong?" Constance asked.
"He's an innocent mind, so I don't think we can. The solution, Constance, is moral outrage. We have to appeal to the people. These people still have a morality, still have emotions, even if it's all been weirded out from there being no crime here at all."
"Seriously though, Doctor. If Ua got all of this from an Elbowing or whatever, shouldn't such reaction have happened far before we arrived?" Constance asked.
"Well, I'd say that would have something to do with the Selective Amnesia Rays." The Doctor said.
"What?"
"Those rays that are being fired into the city at random. Look at the top of that building."
As the Doctor and Constance looked about, a ray went off from the skyscraper, and it hit a crowd of people, who seemed to accept it as normal.
The Doctor and Constance looked at the crowd of people, and as they talked, one of them seemed to have a realization and knocked another over stealing a pile of some kind of toasted fruit.
"These people aren't unaware of crime! They're being wiped of it by some kind of machine designed to erase the people's memory of it! It's not a stupid thing, it's an attack on the city!" The Doctor exclaimed.
Chapter Three
"An attack!" Constance exclaimed. "You mean that some kind of foreign power has recently developed selective amnesia rays and placed them on top of these buildings which wipe over the crowd and destroy their memories of crime in hopes of causing terrorism!?"
"Exactly." The Doctor said. "No, exactly that. That's really quite astute."
"Why aren't the people afraid of the rays?"
"Well, most of them are doing a small amount of dancing. I assume they think they're rave lights."
"Why, that's terrible!" said Constance.
"Well, it certainly decreases our problems. All we have to do is deactivate those rays, and then the people should eventually figure out snapping other people's necks isn't good...for themselves. Moral outrage will set in."
The Doctor and Constance rushed up to one of the buildings.
"Doctor, how are we going to get in?" Constance asked.
"Well, considering no one's batting an eye," The Doctor said, shrugging, and ramming the door down.
* * *
The Doctor and Constance entered, and ran up a series of stairs.
It was a long way to the top. "Doctor, I must say," Constance commented- "I do enjoy this. This adventuring. I often think myself as earnest, but even so, I must applaud you for giving me this kind of experience. Our conversation is often so excellent, and well, I wouldn't give up these adventures for anything."
The Doctor smiled. "Why thank you, Mrs. Clarke, Speaking of excellent conversation, the other day I learned Linguini roughly translates to 'little tongues'..."
"I take it back."
* * *
The Doctor and Constance reached the top of the building to find a mad scientist laughing maniacally.
"A Mad Scientist, Doctor!" Constance said.
"Come now. Mad Science is such an subjective term, Mrs. Clarke, one used to diminish certain kinds of scientists in the public eye through the media. One is always very afraid of a mad geneticist or a mad physicist, but when have you heard of a mad geologist or Psychologist despite it's work being as important?"
"Doctor, now you're just being pedantic." Constance said.
The Mad Scientist continued to modify her amnesia ray, and the she suddenly noticed the Doctor's brightly colored coat.
"Haha!" Said The Scientist. "Due to your coat you failed the stealth section of the level!"
"Mm-hm, very funny." The Doctor said, moving forward. "Who are you supposed to be exactly?!"
"Why, hello! My name is IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE, but I genetically modified myself to look like Rhea Perlman as my last evil plot, so you can call me Rhea."
"I thought you looked familiar." The Doctor said.
"Silence!" Snapped Rhea. "My work at removing all arbitration, all law from this land is nearly complete. The governments are falling, and soon my plan...shall come to FRUITION!" Said Rhea in what would be an award winning performance were it not some random scientist that happened to look like Rhea Perlman.
"You remove an entire cities' concept of morality with amnesia rays without remorse?!"
"Why? What's remorse??" Rhea asked.
"Um..Doctor..." Constance said. "I think she really is a mad scientist. She must have tested her work on herself."
"Indeed-y, I did, and I feel magnificent!" Rhea said, twirling around. "The Liberation of this society has arisen! I'm basically Heath Ledger as the Joker now! Hahahaahahahhahaha!"
The Doctor sighed. "Then alas, I shall be forced to stop you."
"Alas, my ass!" Rhea yelled, slapping the Doctor to the floor with a sports foam finger that flipped him off. He fell over, stunned.
Constance screamed.
"Nothing in ZEEEE WORLD CAN STOP ME NOOOOOOOWW!!!" Yelled Rhea just like that guy from the Underwater Menace before suddenly, Ua careened into her.
"Stop right there, Rhea!" He said, suddenly heroically.
"Ua?!" Constance gasped in shock.
"No! I am secret agent operative AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. You can call me Au."
"How'd you get up here?" Constance asked, still very confused.
"I'm a secret agent." He said, as if that explained something. "Now. Doctor, if you will deactivate Rhea's machine, I will take her in."
"Why thank you, Mr. Au. I think you have a twin brother that has gone mad."
"This could refer to many of my family members as we all look exceedingly similar!" Au said, in a cheerful heroic tone. "Until another day, Doctor and Constance!" He said, jumping off the building and activating a parachute mid-jump as Rhea screamed like an idiot.
* * *
The Doctor finished deactivating the rays and they slowed to a stop.
"The city is saved." He said, breathing a sigh of relief.
"Wonderful. This has been quite an adventure indeed." Constance replied. "I do say though, I worry about Ua. I do hope he's fine."
"I'm certain he will be. If what Au said is right, he will have plenty of family members looking for him, and hopefully one will have an aspect of morality left. Not everyone had been hit by the rays yet, as our secret agent friend demonstrated."
"Then everything is tied up neatly in a bow! The society shall develop ordinarily!"
"Yes, that's that." The Doctor said, finishing his final shutdown of the rays. "Fancy going for an ice cream, Mrs. Clarke?"
Constance smiled. "Yes, let's."
They turned and walked off back to the TARDIS.
Epilogue:
Au carried Rhea into the police station and placed her in a cell. "Never again shall you harm the Stylonian people!" He declared.
"Big Whoop." Rhea muttered.
He walked out. The Cell Block Monitor sat nearby.
"Hey." Rhea said. "You know, you could let me out of here. And like, no one could stop you! There are no moral reprecussions to anything!"
Due to the fact that none of the people in the police station had never been hit by the amnesia ray in the first place, the guard opened the door and let Rhea out.
"Wow! There are no negative consequences!"
"Yeah, aside from the fact that once the city recovers in a few days you will be tried in court." Said Rhea, slamming his head into the desk.
"In the meantime, I have a really great idea. I'm gonna work on Time and Space travel next. Hell. I used to look like a lizard and now I look like Rhea Perlman, I'm a frickin genius." She walked out of the police station laughing maniacally.
As soon as she did she saw a society that had instantly fixed itself. There were no more rioting people. There was nobody messed up at all anymore. That cop had just been corrupt.
Peace abounded in the city. Ua was helping an old lady across the street.
And Rhea growled, and resolved to leave this place far away, before making a Vortex Manipulator out of a branch and some string in three seconds and disappearing into time and space.
The End
Comments
Post a Comment