NCJDDAS: The Last Adventure 1.1 Doctorvision
NCJDDAS: Doctorvision
The Dench Doctor: The Last Adventure
Part One of Six
Timeline Placement: The Doctor is traveling alone during one of Danny’s lunch-breaks. She’s been gone for 50 years in her time, he hasn’t noticed. Somewhere in the Season One Gap.
Lottie comes from directly after All Flesh is Lettuce
Chapter One
The Doctor swung around the console. “Alright, so, here we go!” She said, cheerfully. “Time to dematerialize the TARDIS into the midnight first screening of John Wick Four-“
She pulled a lever, only for the TARDIS to not move at all, and Lottie Palaver to appear out of thin air on top of her hatstand.
"Ooh! Owchie! Owie!" Lottie blubbered as she fell.
"You!" The Doctor proclaimed. "How did you get into my TARDIS! I had it proofed, recently! Nothing can break inside!"
"Proofed against what? Like, Baby-Proofed? Dog-Proofed?" Lottie stuttered.
"Angelina Jolie Proofed. But that's not the point!" The Doctor said loudly. She leaned down to Lottie's eye level, as Lottie was still lying on the floor. "You. I remember you. You were a- I haven't seen you in Donkey's years!"
"Donkey's? I'm sorry, I just randomly enter this phase where I'm suddenly curious about the origins of idioms." Lottie picked herself up.
"It's irrelevant. I haven't seen you, Lottie Palaver, in a long hecking time. One could feel dejected."
"Well, I'm sorry to say, I last saw you two seconds ago. I walked into your TARDIS, which incidentally was owned by a you that WAS A GUY, and whoopsie! I'm here." Lottie finished, exhausted. "And before that, I saw you two hours before that! I've been Doctoring all day, and I'm really tired of Daleks, and Hoothi, and you acting high and mighty! So, could you please-"
"Hm. Something has engineered your timeline to teleport across mine as soon as you enter the TARDIS. The past two times' it's happened, you disappeared and showed up at a different point in my history. From my Thirteenth regeneration to my Twenty Second regeneration to my Sixteenth, and now to my Twenty Sixth!" The Doctor proclaimed. "That is, if I got the numbers right. There are a bunch of secret versions somewhere in there..."
"Look. Half of the audience, including me, doesn't care about timeline shenanigans." Lottie said smartly.
"Fine. I'll just drop you off wherever the TARDIS lands next that's habitable." The Doctor said.
They dematerialized the TARDIS and stepped out into a 1960s black and white sitcom, and a laugh track blared in the background.
"Oh, no."
Chapter Two
"What is this? It's? The set for I Love Lucy or something!" Lottie said, confusedly.
"No. It's not I Love Lucy. It's the most generic sitcom set of all time. Over there is the Friends Couch, and there is the pool table from Cheers. We've been placed inside a fabrication, and it's clearly not made by humans, in some...attempt to make us feel comfortable via amalgamation."
"It's...not comfortable at all."
"That's called the Uncanny Valley." The Doctor said. "It happens when the brain is given something comfortable, but knows there's something wrong about it."
"I know what it is!" Lottie hissed. A coconut from Gilligan's Island bonked her on her shoulder. "Eek!"
The Doctor and Lottie moved across the household, from the I Love Lucy-ish area, but things began to change. "It's...This place looks like Mork and Mindy's apartment." Lottie said. As they moved forward, the sitcoms all blurred together, but at certain points in the household, you'd see breaks in the fabric of the house. Behind all of the sitcom Apartments and houses overlapping, you'd see things like The Addam's Family Mansion, the Flintstones' Cave, and most disconcertingly of all, Stalag 13 from Hogan's Heroes.
As they walked through whatever house, apartment, thing it was, it stretched out more in front of them. The end of the room always in sight, but always out of reach.
"This is...like a furniture store! But hell!" Lottie said, after further walking into the apartment.
"So....IKEA?" The Doctor suggested.
As they continued to walk into the Sitcom, they began to theorize.
"So, you think that aliens invented this place to make us feel comfortable?" Lottie asked.
"Yes." The Doctor responded bluntly.
"But...clearly they'd need knowledge of TV to do that."
"So?" The Doctor said, unaware of where Lottie was going.
"...I mean, where would aliens watch this stuff? I mean, do aliens have cable?"
"No one uses Cable anymore." The Doctor asked.
"Right, my point. But like, Streaming Services don't even extend into other countries most of the time. There's no way they go into like, Space. So, like, logically, aliens wouldn't be able to watch this kind of stuff to amalgamate it."
"So you're saying that whatever's making this is currently of a human origin?"
"Probably. I don't know. I'm just a temporal scientist with an odd knowledge of 1960s-2000s television."
"Aren't we all?"
Suddenly a noise, and a silhouette walked into the house.
A chirpy voice called out. "Hi! I thought I'd drop in!"
"What's that?" Lottie whispered anxiously.
"A constant force in these sitcoms. The Next Door Neighbor that can walk into your house at any time." The Doctor said with an awed fear.
The Next Door Neighbor stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself to be Elizabeth Olsen in her Wandavision 1960s outfit.
The Doctor swore.
Chapter Three
"Doctor?" Lottie asked. "..Is that...you?"
"I really hope not, It'd be her third multi-doctor in a few months! I mean, it's not a Big Finish got David Tennant during lock-down scenario!" The Doctor said. "Come on, then, Doctor? Why are you here?"
Elizabeth Olsen rotated her head 360 degrees, and opened her mouth. A static-y version of The Platter's hit song It's Twilight Time blared forward from her mouth.
"Wonderful." Lottie said. "Doctor, I-"
"Yeah, this is the time to run." The Doctor said. They turned and ran, as Elizabeth Olsen grew spider legs and crawled up the wall, screaming eldritch-ly.
"What is that thing?" Lottie screamed, as they ran down the stretching household.
"I have the terrifying thought that it may actually be me." The Doctor said. "I mean, hopefully not, but-"
"What?" Lottie said irritably.
"I don't remember what happens to me every time I get knocked out!" The Doctor said, annoyed.
They ran past the cast of community, which confusingly included Alison Brie and Gillian Jacobs staring at them ominously.
Elizabeth Olsen began to gain on them.
"Well, any ideas?" Lottie screamed.
"No," The Doctor said, and then Elizabeth Olsen swallowed them whole.
Chapter Four
Heavenly shades of light are falling, it's Twilight Time
Out of the mist your voice is calling, it's Twilight Time
When Purple Colored Curtains Mark The End of The Day-
"-DOCTOR, COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SINGING!!" Screamed Lottie.
The Doctor came to. They were falling down Elizabeth Olsen's esophagus, apparently.
"Well, I don't have much other ideas on what we could do." The Doctor said, as they continued to fall.
"Well, maybe don't sing the theme song of the person that is eating us." Lottie said.
"Wait! I've realized what this reminds me of!" The Doctor said, as they continued to fall.
"Doctor, we're nearing the stomach acid! Maybe not this second-" Lottie screamed, and then the Doctor said, "Door!"
And then, Lottie and The Doctor fell into an open door, and then fell back out into the apartment again.
"I figured it out! Everything here is so messed up, it could only ever be one place!" The Doctor said.
"What? How'd you take us out of there?!"
"Lottie, this is a meta world!" The Doctor said, triumphantly, as if this was a major discovery that deserved applause, but as a matter of fact, there actually were some Crickets chirping.
"What's that?"
"Well, you remember, right! Um, in the third episode of the series! There was a world that was designed to make a person have an average day that broke down! Clearly it's been remade to make an average sitcom!"
Lottie looked confused. "And, uh, you've figured this out, how exactly?"
The Doctor pursed her lips, and stared sideways into space for an uncomfortable amount of time. Eventually, she seemed to come to a conclusion:
"Lottie, this is a meta world!"
Lottie placed her face in her hands. "Well, what did you do last time?" Lottie said, almost afraid to ask.
"Well, I left it unguarded which eventually allowed a computer AI of Danny's secretary to conquer half the galaxy with Anime Androids. Which I defeated by singing the theme song to Kiki's Delivery Service."
Lottie threw up her hands. "I give up! You are impossible! All of your other selves were remarkably easy to work with! I- I don't know what to do with you!"
The Doctor shrugged. Another version of her would have been deeply wounded by this, but the Doctor continued to stare into space a bit.
"Please, Doctor. This is important! Our lives are at risk!"
"I work in a different way from my other selves, Lottie." The Doctor said, suddenly almost serenely calm and wise. "You're going to have to accept that we all change as we grow, be it for the better or worse. Humans and Time Lords are both infinitely malleable creatures, and we are forged by our histories. Mine wasn't very nice."
"Doctor, what are you trying to say? You've...you're..."
"I put up my silly side," The Doctor said sagely, "Because otherwise the loss of my previous lives gets to me all too much. I break rules. This regeneration is inherently...emotional."
"Doctor, I'm, I'm so sorry, I-"
"Elephants!" The Doctor said, suddenly switching tracks again. "I like big Elephants!" and The Doctor walked a few feet away, thinking.
The difficulty of what the Doctor had just done occurred to Lottie. She had opened up for a moment, but it was clearly a bit too painful for her to go further.
Lottie grimly moved forward. They would get out of here. They would stop whatever force was going on. They would win.
They had to.
Chapter Five
"You've captured my past self, I believe, in an attempt to defeat me. It's not going to work!" The Doctor said to no one.
"Doctor, you're talking to a wall." Lottie said.
"Oh. Usually I'm being monitored by some supervillain who when I talk to the room generally, eventually materializes." The Doctor said, in a genre aware tone.
Suddenly Elizabeth Olsen emerged from the shadows, followed by a dolled up woman in leather.
"Doctor! It's been a ludicrously long time," Cicily said cheerfully.
"Cicily. It's been, maybe four stories for me." The Doctor said back.
"My dear Doctor," Cicily chirped, curling up in one of the many prevalent sit-com armchairs. "I had hoped that this version of you would attract your attention eventually."
"You're an android business executive. How'd you manage to capture that version of me? She's loopy, but mostly competent!" The Doctor said.
Cicily smirked, childishly. "I'm usually just an AI computer that has an android body that I use for business executive stuff. But this is my home. I can do whatever I like here. Like any of the gods you've met over the course of your adventures, except not crap."
"You know, I've always wondered why gods don't just instantly separate your molecule bonds until you fall apart into sliced bodies."
"Most of them are idiots. Really eloquent idiots." Cicily smiled.
"You do remember that the Meta worlds are designed for the people in them to live their lives. I have plenty of codes here, things that will stop you from killing me." The Doctor paused. "Actually, if I remember them-"
"Doctor!' Lottie screamed, as Cicily moved her hand to summon an average death machine. It encompassed the average of every way the Doctor has ever been attacked. Billions of guns, swords, fists, flames, and ethereal god rays, all aimed at the Doctor's scalp and two hearts....
It fell apart.
The Average Doctor had arrived.
The Doctor had hacked into the code of the meta world, and suddenly, every Doctor ever was combined into one slot. They were old and young, black and white and brown, long haired and short haired, and combined together, their clothes was terrifyingly abysmal. Terrified of the Sixth Doctor's coat ordinarily? Combine it with Four's scarf, Ruth's ascot and cuffs, Thirteens rainbow shirts, and a bunch of weird stuff every timeless child had worn. The Doctor was real, and they stared Cicily down, and Cicily made a horrified face, and collapsed into nothingness.
Lottie yelled. "What happened to her?"
"She ran." The Doctor said, deactivating her sonic screwdriver, and suddenly the holographic image of the average Doctor that she had projected over herself (no, it wasn't really there) disappeared.
Suddenly everything reverted back to nothing.
A TARDIS noise in the distance.
"Hm. Elizabeth Olsen's in a rush to get out." The Doctor said.
Lottie looked emotional for a moment. "Doctor. I was... wondering. Every time I've entered the TARDIS, I've left to see another you. I...I need closure while I'm here. Doctor, you need to talk to someone. Your friend. Isn't...his name Danny?"
The Doctor looked at her. "I talk to him all the time! Every day, at the minimum. Hi Danny! Run Away From The Monsters, Danny!"
"No...like, I know you care about him. He's your bestie. He gets this version of you. Why are you scared to reach out? Haven't you had therapy?"
"A few times. Have you heard Asking For A Friend from Bernice Summerfield?"
"No, like, Doctor. I can tell, already. I'm... I'm probably not going to see you again, and...you can't forget. You can't be a weird old lady gremlin who likes guns and memes. You have to be the Doctor. You need to open up to people, and then, you can stop being so internally sad and angsty! You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
The Doctor looked at Lottie. She looked incredibly sullen, for a few seconds, and then she didn't look that way at all. "Sad? I'm not sad," The Doctor said, even though Lottie knew it was wrong.
And the Doctor skipped back to the TARDIS.
"I- I'll see you again in a moment, I guess." Lottie said, breathing heavily, and stepping through the TARDIS door, and then she wasn't there.
Epilogue:
Cicily brooded in the cold, speaking to the shadows.
"The Average Doctor. She defeated me with a hologram." Cicily groaned. "Nothing works at all, anymore. I had her past self. But I was silly, I...I had to see that version. Like we have a connection."
"I understand," a cold voice said. "I have a connection with a certain Doctor, too. An average Doctor? Utter piffle. Fanfiction. An average Doctor would be a self-destructive idiot."
"Even with your help, I failed."
"Of course. You were intended to. You only captured the Doctor because of me. But what you did was helpful knowledge. The first step. I have never been closer to myself, before."
"What?"
"To my conception. From an idea, into a reality." The voice said. "Soon... I... the Valeyard... shall form from this Doctor's ashes. I have an idea into her mind now... I have an idea that shall be her destruction."
The Valeyard took something out of his pocket. "But for now... a reversal."
"What?" Cicily asked.
"Come now. You were always second rate." The Valeyard said, shooting Cicily in the chest.
"You couldn't beat any part of an average Doctor. And of course... an average Doctor includes me."
And Cicily fell onto the floor and died. She knew it would end like this. Her and the Doctor.
The Doctor had killed her at last.
To Be Continued...
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