(MAIN RANGE): The Century Box
Starring Judi Dench Doctor and Cherry Classified, per the end of NCJDDAS Series 4
And Thirteenth Doctor, Yaz, and Ryan per sometimes before Ascension of the Cybermen
New York, Immediately After The Living Doubt
WHAT IS GOING ON,” Marsha yelled.
“You’ll get used to it.” Gwen Cooper Commented.
Cherry smiled, attempting to look supportive. “So, you know how I work for the government?”
Marsha considered. “Yes,” she said.
“This is my boss, The Doctor. We fight aliens. Like the ones that just kidnapped you. And I travel, Marsha, I travel through time and space in a magic box.”
“I’d say you’re drunk, and this is incredibly stupid.” Marsha began. “BUT, I just got involved in a battle between like, alien drones and a Janitor? This is crazy.”
“Yeah,” said Cherry, leading her into the TARDIS. “That’s the easy bit.”
On a planet far, far away:
A group of people in a bar—actually, let’s be more specific. Several ninjas in a bar sat around drinking tea, as they awaited their boss, Lady Larusa. Not too long ago, a very special individual, as in unlucky individual, had lost a particular pot of gold to a time portal that had illegally been placed carelessly. No one was actually sure who had lost it, because no one was fessing up. And no one was fessing up, because no one wanted to be the one who told the Lady that they had lost her grandmother’s prize possession.
So, when someone suddenly walked behind one of the ninjas and tapped them on the shoulder, they all refused to turn, no one wanting to be the first to see her gaze.
“Ahem,” said the person behind them. “Not to be a bother, but I’m looking for a friend, and I need one of you to say something. Also, nice ninja clothes! Very sleek.”
They turned around. It was one of the faces of Lady Larusa! They immediately bowed down to her presence. She, in this guise, had short blonde hair, and wore a coat with the color of snow under bright blue light. Her nose crinkled up in confusion, and her blue eyes shone with an ethereal air.
Besides her were the 2 accomplices of the Lady. One was a young man with a black jacket, and a name-tag that said Ryan scrawled lazily on it. The other was younger, and female, and she stood up straighter, and seemed more in-charge, with the words “Yaz” scawled on her name-tag (there was a heart in pink right next to it). They both too, appeared confused.
“We are sorry, my lady,” said one of the ninjas. “We lost the gold!”
“Gold? Ooh, I do like gold. Gold means leprechauns. Usually. Or dragons. Anyway, I’m not looking for leprechauns or dragons. I’m looking for someone who asked for my help.”
The ninjas paused. One, named Fred, crossed his arms. “Wait, are you the Lady?”
“I have no idea. I usually prefer the Doctor. Anyway, I’m looking for a person. Has anyone here heard of Sean Connery?”
“No. Why? Do you require us to...you know?” said a ninja, Elma, “deal with him?”
Both Yaz and Ryan shared uneasy glances.
“Doctor,” said Ryan. “I think these people don’t know what we need.”
By now, the ninjas were properly upset. This person didn’t sound like the famed Lady of legend. Or act like her. To be honest, they’d never actually met her, just talked to her remotely. This could be a trick. Fred dared to point a finger at this Doctor, and said “I think you talk nonsense. I don’t think you know who we are at all.”
The Doctor shrugged. “I never said I did. Although, it’s interesting—this Lady Larusa person sent me this message to come here, and then I find you all here asking for a Lady Larusa. And,” she said in disgust, “sounds like I’m stuck in a time-loop storyline. I hate time-loops.”
A swush sound flew threw the air, as a shuriken suddenly zoomed past the Doctor’s hair, cutting off a strand of her hair. The Doctor turned around, to see another group of ninjas, all dressed in white, angrily pointing fencing swords at her.
“We were told that you would be here, Lady Larusa!” said the centermost of the white ninjas. “And the Plan’s plan was right! We know you’re here for the Century Box!”
“The Century what?” asked Yaz. “Listen, we’re just here to find out where our friend Graham has been kidnapped. We were told Sean Connerry could help us! We don’t know anything about the Century Box!”
“Lies!” said another one of the white ninjas. The white ninjas charged at them with a fancing sword...and were stopped by 2 shots that whizzed by their heads.
“Excuse me, darlings,” said a blonde with a pistol. She was dressed in a flapper dress with spots. “But that, like, isn’t cool.”
The Doctor frowned angrily at the pistol for several seconds. After Cherry cleared her throat, the Doctor said “And who exactly are you?”
“Cherry Classified. I’m here with the Doctor to save lives and recover the Century Box. And we need your help.”
Ryan looked Cherry up and down, and said to the Doctor “Scarlett Johansson is with you? Why didn’t you tell us? She’s cool!”
“Hold on,” said the Doctor. “You wouldn’t happen to be with the Doctor who looks like Judi--”
“We’re still here!” said the white ninjas.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt,” said the Doctor with an apologetic tone. In the same breath, she turned and said “Also, fam and new friend Cherry, let’s go!” Before the ninjas had even known what happenned, they were out the door.
“Lady Larusa, you shall DIEEE!”
TITLE SEQUENCE
“I watch the world go round and round,” said The Doctor lazily. “And watch my own go upside down!”
This Doctor, the Dench Doctor, was singing Phil Collins songs to a bunch of Monks in a crypt. Not Meddling Monks, or Truth Monks, but actual monks. These monks had been studying this crypt for weeks, so to discover a random grey-haired older lady singing lyrics from a song that was not from this century, was a shock. Especially since this was supposed to be a private place, the location of the mysterious Century Box.
“Who exactly are you?” asked one of the monks.
“Good question. I thought I was Judi Dench. Usually, I think I’m The Doctor. But sometimes… Oh no. I’m brooding. Is this gonna be a serious fic?” asked the Dench Doctor. Flourishing her coat like a black cape, she announced “Well, let’s get on with the plot then.”
A redhead with a sharp gaze and glasses walked forward. “We’re not into any plot. We just want to access this place. Hi, my name is Larusa.”
The Doctor suddenly winced. “My kludgy foreshadowing senses just hurt bad. You wouldn’t happen to be the Master or anyone important, right?”
“Not that I know of,” said Larusa. “Um, we’re gonna need you to leave.”
“Me? Leave?” asked the Dench Doctor indignantly. “I don’t think so! How dare you! I’m here because...wait. Huh?”
It ocurred to Dench Doctor that she had no idea why she was in front of the Century Box. Normally, she was used to random silliness, but this one felt significant. She didn’t actually remember how she’d gotten here. Last thing she’d remembered was hanging out with Cherry and Marsha, reminiscing about Danny, and then… Now she was here. Weird.
“Okay. Anyway, what even is a Century Box?” asked The Doctor.
“No one knows. People say it’s been here since the beginning of time,” said one of the Monks. He looked up at the giant black door, covered with a strange skull. “And that it grants wishes.”
“That’s all? That’s lame,” said The Doctor. “I think the food machine on my TARDIS grants wishes too.”
“Maybe it does. But does it have a record of an entire hundred years of a prehistoric language? Because that’s why we’re here,” said Larusa. “Now, unless you have a key--”
“Sonic goes brrrr!” said the Dench Doctor’s sonic in her voice as she opened the door (yes, she coded her sonic to say memes at times—wouldn’t you?).
The large black door creaked open slowly, as everyone watched on carefully. (Unknown to the Dench Doctor, at that very same moment, outside, gargoyles appeared from the sky and started attacking people. The screams unfortunately couldn’t be heard from the cave. )
Inside was an unconscious person in the center of the floor. The Doctor immediately recognized her. “Cherry’s girlfriend!”
Cherry’s girlfriend Marsha woke up, and looked at the Doctor groggily. “Did you do the thing?”
“Be a bit more specific,” said the Dench Doctor.
“You said that “this plot requires I do something dangerous and mysterious for a 100 years” and then guess how long I’ve been here? Thank goodness you gave me sleeping pills that would put me out for 20 years apiece,” said Marsha.
“Sounds unsafe,” said the Dench Doctor.
Up above, a shadow shifted. Something with wings flapped above.
“What’s that?” asked a monk. He soon found out, when that winged creature dropped down, its mouth filled with flames, and carried him away. Instantly, several of those winged creatures appeared.
“We need to get past these defenses!” called out Larusa. “Monks, produce the shields!”
All the monks started to take shields and place them over their heads. They started running through the caves within the catacombs, dodging as the flames of the gargoyles landed around them.
“LARUSA!” called out one of the gargoyles. “You are attempting to breach the rules!”
“How do you know me?” asked Larusa. “And what rules?”
“Hold on. What’s going on?” asked Marsha. “Seriously, where’s Cherry, Doctor?”
“No idea. Honestly, Cherry’s girlfriend, I think--”
“It’s Marsha!”
“Right! I think we need to leave. Situation doesn’t need my help,” said the Dench Doctor.
A monk who was on fire looked back and said “No help? We’re on fire!”
“I help problems that others can’t. See, this is a problem that can be solved by walking out of the room,” said the Dench Doctor, who grabbed Marsha and started to demonstrate. As she got to the door, a gargoyle grabbed Marsha and took her away, up into the heights of the cave.
“No, no, no!” said the Dench Doctor. “How dare you try to bring me back into the plot with such dirty tricks?”
“Who are you talking to?” asked a monk who was battling three gargoyles with a bo-staff.
“I happen to know that Marsha is too important to just kill off in a non-non-canon story!” said the Dench Doctor. “So you’re just gonna have to find a better way to bring me into the plot--”
A gargoyle grabbed the Dench Doctor, and threw her further into the cave, up into the higher levels. A gargoyle was into front of her, with green coloration and a crown. “You made the deal! You unleashed the Hidden Ones! We told you not to!”
“...Who are you?” asked the Dench Doctor.
“I am Ryna, the leader of the Devra. As the thirteenth sister in my brood, it is my duty to help guard the Century Box. It is meant to be impenetrable. ,” said Ryna. “Its wish-making secrets must never be used. And hasn’t been, until you came along.”
“Sorry about that. Sure it was me though?” asked the Dench Doctor. “I have clones. Or maybe it could have been Dame Judi Dench. Because I don’t know, could be like a future story time loop tie in-”
“No, it was you. Larusa!” said Ryna. Her blue long hair swiveled as she pointed her spear at the Dench Doctor. “And now the land will suffer!”
“Please stop talking in nonspecifics—what land?”
“...The one around us,” said Ryna. “And probably a bit farther. First, the Giants will appear on the earth. Then,the Knock-knock creatures, the hidden ones, shall appear.”
“There’s no giants here,” said the Dench Doctor, unamusedly.
“Um, Doctor? Look up here,” said Marsha. She was in the upper floors, where there was 2 lights shining through a window. The Dench Doctor walked up the steps, and stuck her head out the window. And then she had to duck, as a rock was thrown in her direction, by an angry tall, grimey, giant. Several of these giants were appearing from the earth, and destroying the countryside, chasing after the villagers. Based on the appearance of the countryside, she guessed she was in Lancashire, maybe in the 17th Century. Hmm.
On the far side, she could see someone waving at her. Could it be…
“Cherry!” cried out Marsha.
“Marsha!” cried out Cherry. “I hope you didn’t let the Doctor get into the Centennial Box!”
There was someone else waving besides her. She looked familiar, and irritating.
“No. It can’t be,” said the Dench Doctor. “Not this one. I’d rather the bowtie one. Or Eccleston. Or even the Weir Doctor.”
“Hello!” said the Whittaker Doctor. “Do you happen to know why ninjas are following us?”
A flashback, Not too long ago, but technically in 2300s…
back in the other side of the galaxy…
A nano-enhanced throwing star slashed through the air, zeroing in on the double-heartbeats of its target. It bobbed and weaved around obstacles, and only the sonic vibrations of the device its target held stopped it. The ninja who threw the star grimaced, and recalculated for the sonic, readying another star.
The wielder of the sonic device could hear the ninja readying another star, and fiddled with her own sonic settings. She wasn’t worried about running out of frequencies to use to counteract the ninja. But she was worried if she’d be fast enough to catch all that he threw. Leaning over the wall, she said “Hi. Been a long time since a ninja attacked me. It’s always thrilling, and some of my best enemies have been ninjas, but I still would like to just talk--”
Zsst, zsst, zsst. Her ears heard three stars being thrown. Based on the sound, the center one was bigger than the others, too. She changed the sonic’s frequency, activated it to knock off the stars’ trajectory, and ducked backwards just in case she messed up. All in the span of 5 seconds. As she fell to the floor, she heard one of the stars hit the wall, one hit the pillar, and one...wait. Why was it silent?
She turned her face to look up—and saw that the third star was embedded in the ceiling. That was a silly place to put a throwing star, though the Doctor realized that she had never thrown a throwing star (in this life), and so perhaps it was an advanced technique. “Hey, you threw a star into the ceiling. Was that a mistake, or an advanced technique?”
She looked up, to see the ninja slowly approaching her, a serrated fencing blade in hand. He, she, it, or they were staring warily at her, as if waiting for some reaction. Considering the question? No. Why would—ohh. The Doctor looked up, to see the star glowing red, and she could smell the explosive chemical reaction happening within. How long? 3 seconds. Did she have time to escape? Maybe. Not without getting in way of the ninja’s sword, or putting the ninja in the way of the blast. Her hood would have to do as defence. 2 seconds. This ninja had advanced equipment—must be someone important. Why would these important people be so convinced she was Larusa? 1 second. Hmm. So it was an advanced technique after all. Hopefully Yaz and the fam were safe. Ninjas were cool. Also, she should--
The ceiling exploded right over the Doctor. The ninja watched as the wooden debris fell over her, covering the target in debris. Just as the ninja began to walk closer, he heard a “AHHH!” come from behind him, and turned to see Yaz deliver a flying kick to his chest.
“How dare you hurt my Doctor!” she growled. “Stand down, or else!”
Cherry appeared behind Yaz, and shot the ninja, who fell down instantly, sleeping. Puzzled, she looked at her gun. “Who replaced all my bullets with tranquilizers?”
“Ahh, duuu!” cried out the Doctor from under the rubble. Yaz and Cherry pushed the rubble away, and her smirking head popped out. “Wow Tasty dust. Tastes like cherries.”
“Doctor, you’re okay!” said Yaz, who hugged the Doctor tight. The Doctor winced, having been hurt a bit by the rubble.
“Did you replace my bullets with tranquilizers?” asked Cherry.
The Doctor scronched her face up. “Where’s Ryan?”
Ryan was outside, surrounded by three ninjas. He was in the middle of a busy street, with trees on both sides, and people walking about, but avoiding the strange altercation in the road. “Mates, can we just talk about this?”
“I am Lord Minu,” said one of the ninjas. “Larusa stole the Century Box. We will recover it, by any means necessary.”
“What does this box actually do?” asked Ryan.
“Whoever uses it can call on the spirits, if they give away a century’s worth of memories. Or so the legend goes,” said Minu. “But to use it will invite ruin.”
“Yeah, but no one can use it. Most people don’t have a century’s worth of memories,” pointed out Ryan.
“Not until now,” said Minu. “But...ahh. I cannot tell you such secrets. Now YOU tell ME secrets. Where is the box?”
“Sorry. I don’t know. Listen, I’m actually kind of new here. But maybe the Doctor can help you,” asked Ryan. “She’s like, good with finding stuff.”
“Thank you, Ryan, for making me look valuable to the dangerous ninja,” said the Doctor. Yaz and Cherry were behind her, with Cherry pointing her gun straight at Minu. “Listen, Minu, I’m not Larusa. And I know nothing about a box. However, I am actually curious about who this Larusa figure is, so maybe we can compare notes over lunch? I’m a wizard with making turkey-and-cheese sandwiches.”
“I’m a vegan,” said Minu.
“A future vegan ninja?” asked Yaz. “Now that’s new. Hold on, this is like 2300s? Why are you a ninja?”
Lord Minu folded his arms, and said “The Centennial Ninja sect is a very esteemed sect that holds on to Britain’s core values of drinking tea, reading the classic works, and dressing up as the esteemed ninjas of the Arthurian times.”
Ryan and Yaz looked at each other, while the Doctor shrugged and said “Right. Of course, Sir Lancelot’s katana technique was feared across the lands. But why care about this Century Box? You can’t actually use it.”
“But something that valuable is probably worth a pretty penny,” said Cherry, tired of being left out of the conversation. Usually by now, Dench Doctor would have let her shoot someone (definitely not not nonlethally (probably)).
“We wouldn’t sell it, you heathen!” snarled Minu. Then he added “But, yes. It’s occurring to me that maybe you aren’t Larusa after all.”
The Doctor made an expression between acknowledgment and disappointment. Then, she grinned, and added “Water under the bridge. Come on, Minu, let’s do sandwiches. And exchange notes like schoolgirls. I’ve never been a schoolgirl, I wanna try it.”
“Help, help!” called out someone. She was dark-skinned, had a beautiful Irish accent, and wore a dress with question marks. “I’m being attacked by giant furry monsters.”
“Oh?” asked the Doctor. “I’m getting attacked by ninjas.”
“Um Doctor,” said Yaz. “Why is there a giant portal in the street up ahead?”
A large yellow circle was in the street to the right. On the inside of the circle, revealed a beautiful forest environment, complete with birdsong faintly emanating from within. Also, there were hordes of angry furry monsters swarming within, pouring out and attacking the stores and the people in the street. These monsters were tall, and stout, and had large googly eyes, with long claws. And they each chanted “Death to the Overworlders” in a high-pitched, chipmunk voice, which was just as well, because they resembled nothing more than giant chipmunks, with horns.
“Those are the monsters!” said the Irish lady. “They came out of nowhere and started attacking me!”
“Really?” asked Cherry. She readied her other gun. “Sounds like you need some pest control.”
“Oi!” said the Doctor. “They might be friendly. Well, potentially friendly.”
“No, they’re not. They are definitely dangerous monsters that need elimination,” said the Irish lady.
The Doctor gave her a frown, and then walked straight to a furry creature who was wielding an ax, and said “Hello, I’m the Doctor. I like your ax. Looks like it’s...Celtic, maybe? Early 11th century design? Haven’t seen those in a while. Why are you here? What do you want?”
“Well...” said the Horned Chipmunk...”We keep saying ‘Death To Overworlders’. Isn’t that obvious?”
“Yes, but what’s an Overworlder?” asked the Doctor.
The Horned Chipmunk made a high-pitched squeaking sound. “Aren’t you Overworlders?”
“No,” said Yaz suddenly. “We certainly don’t know any Overworlders, especially if you’re going to ax them.”
“Yeah, mate. That’s kinda extreme,” said Ryan.
“We were assured there were Overworlders here!” said another Chipmunk. “By a brown-skinned Celt!”
“Celt? Do you mean Irish? Because, uh, “ started Ryan, “I just saw...”
He looked around for the Irish lady, and instead saw several ninjas approaching from behind them. “Um, Doctor...”
The Doctor swirled around, saw the ninjas, and then swirled back around. “Chipmunks, there are no Overworlders here. I’m fab at finding Overworlders, though, so if you just let me get to the portal over yonder, maybe I can help you out!”
“What’s your qualifications?” asked the Chipmunks.
“Mainly, searching for adventure and always finding it,” said the Doctor quickly. “Now, let’s go!”
So, the Doctor and the fam, plus Cherry, got through the portal, where they waved at the Dench Doctor from across the field. And now it’s the present, because this story is told out of order. Yay.
Epilogue?
The Irish lady was slinking off to the side, ducking into a toy shop and closing the door discreetly. Once inside, she giggled to herself, wicked-like, and said “My plan is nearly complete!”
In the shadows, she heard two knocks. Turning in the direction of these knocks, she said “Don’t worry… you’ll have your part to play soon...”
Willa was reading a book about herbs. Well, it was half a book, mostly a bunch of folk remedies, but Willa was extremely focused on the remedies. She was lying on the grass outside, and the breeze of Lancashire moved around her, and gave her life, as her eyes tried to read the scribbles, or comprehend anything from the pictures. If it was half a book, perhaps it was well she was doing half a read. It would be nice if she had one of those university teachers to help her, but she’d found this book randomly in the mud.
But she could not stop. She had made a promise to a Doctor, to become a doctor. And Willa owed the Doctor to keep the promise—after all, the Doctor had saved Willa’s life when the dreaded Witchfinder General and Becka had tried to place her on trial, and yet again when the Morax came.
Had this been a serious NSA, or even a TLV side novella, this might be a story where we see Willa learn and grow to be a doctor, or a healer. But this is an NCJDDAS. So, just as Willa was starting to make headway in the book, she was interrupted by a man covered in white rags charging at her with a fencing sword.
“Do you know where Larusa is?” screamed the man.
Willa jumped up, and backed away slowly—and suddenly an old lady was in between her and the strange man. The old lady wore a white knitted sweater and white pants, both dirty with dust from the forest, and had a serious face, although a manic glee exuded from her eyes.
“Yes, she’s literally right down that hill. Go bother her,” said the lady. The man screamed “Thanks!”, and walked off.
Willa was now left with this old lady, who turned around and said “Oh, you’re Willa from The Witchfinders ep. This really is a crossover story.”
Willa frowned at that expression. “Cross...what? Anyway, thank you for saving me. I’m Willa—wait, how do you know my name?”
The old lady rolled her eyes. “Because I’m The Doctor, though for this story I’m the Dench Doctor, because this time I’m meeting the Whittaker Doctor, aka the Thirteenth Doctor. As for why I’m Judi Dench now, my body regenerates when I die.”
“Who’s Judi Dench?” asked Willa. She wasn’t sure why she'd met two seperate people named the Doctor in one lifetime.
“Good question,” said The Doctor solemnly. She eyed a group of people around the forest surrounding them. They all wore fur—no, they were furry, and wielded axes. “Where’s your grandmother?”
“She should be at home,” said Willa. Leaning over to The Doctor, she asked her “Who are those furry monsters?”
“...I don’t know,” said The Doctor. “They keep screaming about axing Overworlders, though. Try not to be an Overworlder.”
Willa immediately decided not to be an Overworlder, but before she could ask The Doctor what an Overworlder, the Doctor marched off. After a few steps, she turned around, and glared at Willa, gesturing for her to follow. Willa found herself obeying, and soon the two were wandering through the forest. The Doctor moved quickly, not really waiting to see if Willa was following. There was a jitteriness in her gait, as if her body was possessed by a constant desire to rush away, and she had to restrain it, lest her shoes get left behind. Surprisingly, it was Willa who had to catch her breath when they stopped in front of Willa’s grandmother’s house.
The Doctor looked up, and muttered something about “prose getting too serious for NCJDDAS, and honestly really boring”. Then she knocked on the door, and a familiar face popped out.
“Willa!” said the Whittaker Doctor. “It’s been so long--
RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR RIP TEAR
The Dench Doctor woke up, feeling very warm. That’s ‘cause she was in a volcano. The Irish lady with the flower dress was staring at her, pointing a gun at her head. Yaz, Ryan, and Marsha were tied up on the ground. Behind them, several ninjas were fighting the Horned Chipmunks.
“Ah ha ha ha!” said the Irish lady. “My plan worked! You don’t even know what’s going on, do you?”
“Um, no,” said the Dench Doctor. “Care explaining? Where’s Willa?”
“Willa? I left her on the side of a cliff. She was inconsequential to the plot...so it seems,” said the Irish lady. “As according to my plan. Because I am...The Plan!”
“Oh, you’re that character,” said the Dench Doctor. “Wait, didn’t you die last story?”
The Plan grumbled. “Obviously, that was according to my plan. To get you just in this spot.”
The Dench Doctor laughed. “Your plan involved your death? That was your best plan?...How frequently do your plans involve you failing utterly at life, literally?”
“Shut up,” growled the Plan. “Anyway, I knew that if you entered the Century Box (which I knew you’d go into because I promised extra stores of Nitro 9s to whoever went inside it, and you like explosions), it would intensify your power to control the fourth-wall. And if you got bored enough, you might jump across the storyline.”
“Jump across a storyline?” asked the Dench Doctor. “What does that even mean?
“I think it means when you fast-forward through a movie,” said Yaz, helpfully.
“Wait, so it’s like Click. The Adam Sandler movie,” said the Dench Doctor. “And you did this...why?”
“Because that meant I was off-screen. And off-screen villains are very powerful. By being off-screen, I’ve been able to set up a conflict between the ninjas and the Thirteenth Doctor, and use the myth of the Century Box to cause a bunch of horned Chipmunks to battle those same ninjas--”
“Why are you causing these fights?” asked the Dench Doctor.
“Because I needed a distraction to capture you! For my revenge. Also, I wanted to see ninjas fight giant chipmunks!” said the Plan.
“That’s a strange reason,” said Ryan. “Also, aren’t you like, on-screen now? I’m honestly not sure what on-screen is, though...”
“...Good point. I’m even monologuing...Hmm,” said the Plan. She tapped her chin, as she thought, and then said “Well, I had a plan for that.”
The Dench Doctor snorted. Walking past the Plan, she said laughingly “What’s your plan, kick me into the lava--”
The Plan kicked her into the lava.
“Damn,” said the Dench Doctor, as her face got suddenly extremely warm as she fell toward the yellow glowing molten rock. (Logically, she should have been roasted just by being near the lava. Convection burns. But this was an artificially made volcano by the Plan, and so it wasn’t hot enough to kill by getting near it...but Dench Doctor still was about to die by getting engulfed in a hot-enough-to-scorch-if-you’re-inside-it lava flow.)
The Dench Doctor was caught by the ends of a net, that was attached by rope to a net gun from above. The Plan angrily looked up, to see Cherry rappelling down the side of the rock walls, balcing with the net gun in her hands.
“You see,” said a Yorkshire voice behind her. “You’re not the only one who knows how to be off-screen, mate.”
The Whittaker Doctor had her arms crossed, with a look of satisfaction on her face. Right next to her was Larusa, who now wore a black jacket with gold-lining. Both had the various armies—the horned chipmunks, the ninjas, and the gargoyles—standing behind them, angrily looking at the Plan. And right next to them was Willa.
“You used my name and identity, lied and said it was the Doctor’s, and then had people sent after us both!” said Larusa.
“And you put Yaz and my fam in danger! And pretended that you had kidnapped Graham to nab us into the plot! And involved 2 seperate parts of the universe!” said the Whittaker Doctor. “Which is an extremely confusing plan! I’m still not sure what that has to do with a Century Box!”
“I’m not sorry my plans are complex. It comes with the name!” said the Plan.
“...Actually, the Century Box involves the Division’s mission for me—wait crap I’m not supposed to say that,” said Larusa.
The Whittaker Doctor turned around. “Wait, who’s the Div--”
Larusa pulled out a strange device, put on shades, and then pressed a button. A red light pulsed out.
When it was over, everyone felt strangely confused. The Dench Doctor shook her head, and said “The words ‘spoilers for a Main Range sidequel’ just came to me. Anyway, will someone please pull this net away from the lava!”
“Sorry” said Cherry, who pulled up the rope. Now, the Plan was surrounded by 3 2 angry Doctors, several annoyed companions, and several angry armies who’d been hoodwinked into an interdimensional slapfight.
“So, tell me,” said the Dench Doctor, “is this part of your plan?”
“...Yeah, sure,” said the Plan. Then she ran away, the ninjas and horned chipmunks and gargoyles chasing after.
The Dench Doctor watched as Cherry gave Whittaker Doctor a long sad good-bye. Apparently they’d had an adventure or something.
Willa walked over to the Dench Doctor. “You really don’t remember the whole adventure we had? You were really inspirational. I started out worried about my skills to be a Doctor, but now I know that if I can survive this adventure, then I can probably survive trying to be a healer. Battling those gargoyles by your side was one of the bravest things I ever did. “
This girl saw her as a hero, and the Dench Doctor had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. Realizing the Dench Doctor ran the risk of breaking the girl’s heart, it was time to rely on a classic. Holding her coat like it had lapels, she belted out “One day I shall come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no, err, sorrows, no anxieties. Just go forward in all my beliefs—I mean your beliefs, damnit...and yeah, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine.”
Willa’s eyes went wide, and then her brow wrinkled in confusion. The Dench Doctor kept a frozen smile on her face. Then Willa suddenly grinned, hugged the Dench Doctor, and said “Oh, I will!”
As Willa walked away to talk to Yaz and Ryan, the Whittaker Doctor whispered behind the Dench Doctor. “Bit awkward, that seemed.”
The Dench Doctor turned around, eyes squinted. Then had to look up, because the Whittaker was on a tree branch above. “I hope you’re not gonna start lecturing me about being socially awkward.”
“Oi! No, just noticing,” said the Whittaker Doctor. “Willa really looks up to you.”
“I think she has me confused with you,” grunted the Dench Doctor.
“Mmhmm, maybe. Though,” said the Whittaker Doctor, “I think you really like it. Cherry told me about you—you’re far better than you think you are.
“...Are you seriously trying to ‘Doctor of Hope’ me?” said the Dench Doctor. She threw her hands up. “That’s it—Cherry, Cherry’s girlfriend, we’re leaving.”
The Dench Doctor dragged those two into her TARDIS, closed the door, and started inputting new controls.
“WHAT IS GOING ON,” Marsha yelled.
“Huh? Haven’t you seen the TARDIS before?” asked Cherry. “Like, I specifically remember you saying those exact words when you first came into the TARDIS. Gwen Cooper said ‘You’ll get used to it’ right after.”
“Yeah, but between all of the weird memory shenanigans and Larusa’s weird device, I forgot,” said Marsha. She turned to the Dench Doctor and said “I actually kinda forgot who you are...”
The Doctor held up a sign that said REPETITIVE DIALOGUE INCOMING
Cherry smiled, attempting to look supportive. “So, you know how I work for the government?”
Marsha considered. “Yes,” she said, repetitively
“This is my boss, The Doctor. We fight aliens. Like the ones that just kidnapped you. And I travel, Marsha, I travel through time and space in a magic box.” Cherry said repetitively
“I’d say you’re drunk, and this is incredibly stupid.” Marsha began. “BUT, I just got involved in a battle between ninjas and horned giant chipmunks? This is crazy.”
“Yeah,” said Cherry, repetitively, “That’s the easy bit.
“...what was the point of any of that?” The Dench Doctor muttered to herself.
As Cherry explained the TARDIS to Marsha, the Dench Doctor pondered. She’d went into the mystery box for Nitro9? No, she’d seen a note in her pocket. It had said “Go in Century Box.” It also said something else that won’t be mentioned for spoilers reasons.
Why had that been worrying her? And why did this feel like sloppy foreshadowing?
Ehh. That could be dealt with later.
Time to get in more trouble.
“You know,” said the Dench Doctor, “Enough dilly-dally. Let’s go somewhere fun!”
Cherry’s eyes went wide. “Wait, that’s what you said last time--”
This Story (Hypothetical--
“Wait. Hold on,” said Graham. “I still haven’t been saved!”
Roman, in his Sean Connery form, nodded and said “Technically, I only existed for about 5 seconds in this current body, so I’m still a bit confused how we can be playing cards right now. Yes, this does seem like a sequel hook.”
Indeed, they were playing cards. Behind them, the Plan was smiling, with her dark-hooded Benefactor scarily staring at the two. Right next to them, was a surly Gwen Cooper.
“Ah ha ha ha!” said the Plan. “My Plan always wins. I’ve set the bait...now all I need to do is wait.”
This will be resolved in a Main Range Story, “Cherry On Top”.
This Current Story (Hypothetically) Starred
Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor
Jodie Whittaker as The Doctor
Jessica Henwick as Larusa/A Division Doctor
Ruth Negga as The Plan
Scarlett Johannson as Cherry Classified
Lisa Kudrow as Marsha
Mandip Gill as Yaz
Tosin Cole as Ryan
Bradley Walsh as Graham
Sean Connery (?) as Roman
Eve Myles as Gwen Cooper
and Featuring
A Lot Of Famous British Actors (like Charles Dance) and Famous Japanese Actors (like Ken Watanabe and Hiroyuki Sanada) as Fencing Ninjas
Diana Rigg voicing Ryna
Tom Baker voicing the Horned Chipmunks
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