(MAIN RANGE): Masterclass
(MAIN RANGE): Masterclass
From The Worlds of Doctor Who
Technically placed under the Twelfth Doctor Main Range Section due to it being very interlinked to both Series 10 and Class, which he is both involved in.
Cover by Arbrax
Chapter One
Missy was in the vault, leaning on top of the Piano when the Doctor came in. She didn't look up from her book, but she knew he was there, his maroon coat billowing slightly, even though there was hardly any wind down here, sunglasses, frowny and serious and scottish.
"I have a job for you," The Doctor said, frowny and serious and scottish.
"Wellll, now isn't that something?" Missy said, half paying attention.
"Coal Hill School."
"Mm, mm hm, yeah, heard of it. Don't really care though, don't care much at all. I care about it as much as I care about the bald one that comes in here every day and serves me half-baked cafeteria pizza." Missy mocked.
"Good. I'm glad to know you've shown an interest in it."
"Oi, laddie, I was just saying, I don't caarrrre. I don't. Don't, don't really." Missy insisted. "I'm more likely to burst out singing Bad Romance while doing a form of Japanese interpretive dance, wearing a skirt made of animal intestines!"
The Doctor stood in there, stolidly. "I thought that was on your to do list." He rasped.
"Well, I just said I'm more likely to do that." Missy rolled her eyes. "Honestly, it's like you're not even listening."
The Doctor continued to stand there.
"Would you mind leaving?" Missy snapped. "I have this terrible book I want to get back to."
"You'll be doing good if you help me." The Doctor said, still deadly serious. "I need another hand, and you'll be moving towards your next step to redemption. Like you asked."
"I'm honestly kind of tired today," Missy made a faux yawn.
"I'll let you out if you do it."
A smile grew over Missy's lips, and she rotated herself away from the book she was reading,
"I'm listening."
Chapter Two
Ms. Quill sat at her desk, grading papers. She looked at one. A+, she noted, looking at the questions, and was about to place it on the students deck before she saw that it was Ram's, and crossed out the A+ in red sharpie before placing it in the bin.
Charlie walked in, as if he owned the place. "Hello, Quill." He remarked quietly, walking over to one of the cabinets.
Quill's eyebrows fluttered into their usual narrow position. "What are you doing, exactly?" She said, placing the remainder of ungraded papers in the bin, and walking over.
"I'm taking out a book from the classroom for Tanya. She wants to study Quantum Mechanics."
"Oh, that's easy. You put the word Quantum in front of anything and it sounds important. Quantum Carburetor. Quantum Pencil." Quill said, bemused.
"Haha, very funny." Charlie said in a town that suggested it was not. "She's worried about another alien getting into her apartment building again, after that Lankin business, and wants to set up a sort of field thing. Maybe if we helped her, utilized a tiny bit of Rhodian and Quill tech-"
"Lankin? Which one was that?" Quill asked.
Charlie looked back at her. "You seriously don't remember?"
"Was it the Petals, the time you and Matteusz had sex and missed it, whatever the hell Reagan was, the Coach that ate people or the second, third, fourth or fifth times you boinked on the job?"
"Oh, come now, Quill." Charlie exclaimed.
"No, right, sorry, I am forgetting two times. And this morning." Quill remarked. "The alien invasion this morning."
"What alien invasion this morning?" Charlie asked, inadvertently proving her point.
"The west wing of the school collapsed and April grew a third arm." Quill said.
April had indeed grown a third arm, but there was a perception filter around it, so unfortunately the audience never saw it on television.
Charlie scoffed and walked off with the book for Tanya.
Quill was getting seriously annoyed with teenagers. Charlie and Matteusz, April and Ram, it was getting very difficult to stop alien invasions with all of the rampant relationship drama.
Immature skull brains. Rowdy, difficult to work with, and inefficient.
She needed someone else to help. Especially with the Arn in her brain, she could hardly protect them.
There was an explosion outside.
Quill shuddered, and moved to open the door, rushing outside. "Charlie!"
As Quill exited the classroom, rushing in fear into the outside, a grinding wheezing noise was heard as The Doctor's blue box appeared inside the classroom and Missy strolled out, twirling hat and umbrella.
"Charlie! April! Useless Children!" Quill called, rushing through the hallways.
Of course, Charlie and Matteusz were making out in the locker room, unnoticing of the explosions.
April and Ram were similarly occupied, and the writers as usual, had forgot about Tanya.
And so Quill rushed through the hallways, The explosions continued to sound around the school.
Lasers. Gunfire.
The call of Alien War.
"WE ARE THE CLOCK-KIND. YOUR SPECIES WILL SURRENDER, OR IT WILL BE ERASED." The voices screamed.
What was that word? Quill thought. Oh, yes. Bugger.
Chapter Three
After the Time Lords all died, (or were sent to a pocket universe, and then died again) there was a power vacuum for the universe. Naturally, some very stupid people with very grand delusions wanted to take their place. The Clock-Kind were chief among these stupid people, for ever since their species was born, they had an absurd obsession with time. They hollowed out clocks' interiors, and wore these clocks as helmets on their heads, causing them to have no features but a ticking clock face. Their logic to this was entirely because the part of the clock that shows time is called a face.
Yes, they aren't really that bright.
Somehow, though, in a scenario that definitely and totally didn't involve stealing it from somebody else, they stole, sorry, developed their own time machines, and similar to vortex creatures you may have heard of, they were slowly but surely drawn towards paradoxes.
A few famous paradoxes that you may have heard of in the Doctor Who universe, are entirely their fault. For instance, the UNIT dating controversy, which not only causes multiple problems, has multiple contradictory in universe explanations.
This is The Clock-Kind's fault.
River Song's timeline being as confusing as it is? Well, it was very simple before the Clock-Kind shat on it. The fact that the Reavers, that one alien species that are introduced in Father's Day that are supposedly attracted to paradoxes and are very important, yet never show up again besides a comic and a video game? Their fault too.
What the Clock-Kind do, is when there's a minor temporal issue, is, they make it worse.
Every time. They're trying to be helpful, really.
It's especially a pity they're visting Coal Hill...
Missy stepped out of the classroom into the hallway. She tapped her wristwatch, for an image of Nardole to appear.
"Bald one!" She said. "I'm inside the school. The rubbish human school."
"Well, supposedly there's a sort of paradox going on in there, I'm afraid," Nardole stuttered.
"Okay, okay. Lovely. Totally get it. Why am I here looking for it though?"
"..Oh, well, I can't exactly say, Miss." Nardole responded.
"Oh come on, man that looks suspciously like an egg. You can tell poor old Missy."
Nardole seemed to think to himself before the pressure got to him. "Well, mm, he's blind."
"He's what?" Missy cackled.
"He'd be going, but he's blind. It's why he was wearin, those like sunglasses things earlier."
"Oh, that's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. That is the funniest thing I've heard all day, Egg man."
Missy strolled forward. She heard an explosion from outside, looking. She saw above her a incredibly generic flying saucer. "There's not a paradox here, there's an invasion. I'm certain that-"
Missy, having been looking at her wrist the entire time, bumped into Miss Quill.
"Bald one, I'll call you back." Missy said clicking the communicator off.
They stared at eachother for a minute.
"Who are you exactly?" Quill asked.
"They call me Missy." Missy responded.
"Missy Who-?"
Missy laughed. "Oh you cannot believe how long I have waited for someone to ask that. Literally a thousand years. At the least."
Quill made a fist. "You're alien."
"And you're an action woman lady who dresses in leather and is a martial artist, which one of us is the bigger cliche?" Missy mocked.
Quill spat. "I'm a schoolteacher."
"Well then! Good on you! I've been meaning to ask why nobody here knows advanced dimensional physics, what are you teaching them these days?" Missy laughed.
"The school board won't let me. God knows I've complained." Quill responded. "Who are you?"
"I'm here to stop an invasion, sweetheart, and I'm trying to not eviscerate schoolteachers, so please, stay out of-"
Quill punched her.
Missy spat. She stepped up. "Hm. That's a Quill martial art. And let me guess. You don't have a gun, so... You have an Arn."
Quill gritted her teeth. "Who the hell are you?" She yelled.
"Well, I can relate. If I kill again, a old friend of mine is going to lock me up in a cube for a thousand years, and/or, possibly kill me. We are in a way, both...bound."
Quill unrolled her fist.
"...I think you may know the Doctor." They both said at the same time.
Quill crossed her arms. "Well then. Invasion to stop? We can't attack eachother, and we can't go our seperate ways and hope it's going to work out, because we both want to do the same thing. I propose, logically, an alliance."
Missy laughed. "You, blondie, have got to be kidding."
Chapter Four
A sweaty Matteusz and Charlie left the locker room to find the hallway with a massive exploded trench in it. They looked around. They went back in the locker room again.
Missy and Quill moved along the hallway, and found their way to the School Library.
"Your wrist thing." Quill mentioned. "Where's your alien signal coming from?"
"Through the Library, and out into the Car place." Missy responded.
"The Parking Lot?" Quill offered.
"Why's it called that, it's a place for cars!" Missy complained, but they moved on into the Library.
"STUDENTS. SURRENDER. YOU WILL BE CATALOGED FOR THE CLOCK-KIND." A really buff shirtless man with a clock shoved on his head yelled. He was obviously a Clock-Kind enforcer.
He corralled several petrified students into a Library corner.
"The Clock Kind?" Quill complained. "Oh, I hate these guys!"
Missy was confused, and didn't recognize them. "Why does the clock have abs?"
"You don't know about them?"
"A bit below my pay grade." Missy responded.
The Clock- Kind Enforcer stomped around ominously as another Clock-Kind entered. This one was pretty much identical, but he had an analog clock stuffed on his head instead of a Grandfather Clock face. "WE HAVE DISCOVERED THE SOURCE OF THE TEMPORAL DISTORTION. THE SPACE TIME RIFT."
"EXCELLENT. THEY'LL BE VERY HAPPY WHEN WE FIX THEIR RIFT. IT WILL SOLVE MANY PROBLEMS." The Buff Clock-Kind person said.
"WILL WE GET A PARADE? I WANT A PARADE"
"Okay, so, I have an idea. But it's insanely violent, so we can't do it. You?" Missy asked.
"Ooh! I have one! ah, no, it's insanely violent too. I really want to kill these guys!" Quill said.
Missy looked into Quill's eyes, and said emotionally but also sort of jokingly, "Where have you been in my life?"
The Clock-Kind suddenly noticed Quill and Missy. "LOOK. IT IS A SCHOOL TEACHER." It paused. "AND SOME BLONDE LADY IN LEATHER."
"A school teacher!! ME!! A SCHOOL TEACHER!! Okay, let's snap their necks real quick come on off you pop-" Missy screamed as Quill dragged her off, equally annoyed.
"To be fair, you are dressed-" Quill began, as Missy shushed her, and they ran.
As Missy and Quill were chased by the Clock-Kind, Quill directed them around the school.
"Come on!" Quill yelled. "If we can't go through the library, this is the quickest way to the rift!"
They jumped through a window, and the Clock-Kind angrily screamed. "HEY, THAT'S DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY!"
"WE ARE INVADING THEM, DAVE."
They ran along the grass and around the school, out to the Parking Lot.
"The Rift's here." Quill commented.
"And so are hundreds of Clock-Kind." Missy growled.
Chapter Five
The Clock-Kind stomped around, bumping into eachother. They couldn't see eachother that well through the clock-faces, so it was really just a weird crowd of Clock people bumping into eachother. Above them rested their flying saucer, a generic repurposed Dalek ship that they had found lying in the Arterion-Shnazz Nebula, which rotated above, casting a thin shadow over the parking lot.
"How are they going to make it worse, exactly?" Missy asked. "What are they trying to do?"
"They'll probably open the rift, and then throw a bunch of Clock-Kind in there, hoping it fixes the problem. It never does." Quill said.
They moved silently ahead.
"You know, I just realized, we can knock them out as much as we want. As long as we don't kill them, neither the Arn nor the Doctor will be mad at us." Quill commented.
"Ooh! Thank you for reminding me!" Said Missy, taking 400 Concussion Grenades out of her pocket, and throwing them madly.
The Clock-Kind screamed, as the Concussion Grenades were lobbed, but only about 100 of them activated. The Clock-Kind have an integral negative probability field, which means things near them, thanks to negative sci fi ions, will literally tend to just not work.
As a result, only 100 of the 400 grenades fired, and 25 of the 100 Clock-Kind survived, and started yelling angrily.
"CLOCK-KIND! OPEN THE RIFT! KILL THE TEMPORAL INTERLOPERS WHO HATE HOW COOL WE ARE!" Screamed The Clock-Kind, as Missy and Quill did that standing back to back movie pose and began to fight the Clock-Kind running at them angrily.
"Ooh, this is magnificent!" Quill said. "We should go out more often!"
Meanwhile,
Charlie and Matteusz, now clothed, were surprised by a Clock-Kind entering the Locker room with a large gun.
"GREETINGS. WE ARE THE CLOCK-KIND. NICE TO MEET YOU."
"Oh, um, hello." Matteusz said awkwardly. "Um, what is that Charlie?"
"How should I know, I've been with you all day. It's a Clock-Person apparently." Charlie commented.
"ALERT! ALERT! TEMPORAL RADIATION DETECTED!" The Clock-Kind yelled. "THE SOURCE FOR THE TEMPORAL BREACH IS NEARBY!"
"Charlie!" Matteusz said, more horrified now. "What's it going on about?"
"STUDENTS CHARLIE SMITH, MATTEUSZ ANDERZEJEWSKI, APRIL MACLEAN, RAM SINGH AND TANYA ADEOLA AS WELL AS TEACHER ANDREA QUILL ARE THE FOCAL POINTS OF THE TEMPORAL BREACH!" The Clock-Kind screamed. A moment of silence and terror.
"HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?" It asked, in stupid earnest.
"....No...?" Charlie tried.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE." said The Clock-Kind, walking out of the Locker room.
"Well, as much as I'd like to get back to kissing you, I think there's been a horrifying invasion of Clock-People." Matteusz commented. "And we can't exactly hide from it."
"We need to find the others." Charlie said, agreeing.
Inside the Library, the students continued to shudder as the Clock-Kind oversaw them with weapons.
Suddenly, April, Tanya and Ram busted down the door.
April raised a katana prop from the Theater department.
"CLASS IS IN SESSION, BITCHES!" Yelled Tanya, waving sticks of dynamite she had somehow obtained.
The Clock-Kind ran out screaming.
Chapter Six
Missy and Quill had managed to dispatch most of the Clock-Kind, before a transmat beam dematerialized the Clock-Kind leader.
"I am the leader of the Clock-Kind. I have appeared in a form you will be comfortable with," said Chris Pratt.
"Yep. I'm absolutely fine with this." commented Quill.
"We have invaded this landscape due to temporal issues we must fix. You are aware of these issues, yes?"
"Actually, no." Missy said. "I mean, I've been hearing about them alllllllllllll day. Yada yada yada time time time, but no. Haven't. Do be useful dearie, give me some good old exposition."
"You...You haven't noticed that every single piece of Class media takes place in less than two months?"
"What?"
"Most of these stories taking place over multiple days, some of the novels taking place over a week or more, and some on the same DAY! Coal Hill isn't just a rift, it's a running faucet of time stuff, of stupid contradictory time stuff that nobody notices! and since the show got cancelled, everything has to take place before the final three episodes, because those take place back to back to back!"
"Yeah, but you're going to make it worse! You're already making it worse, this invasion wasn't supposed to happen today! Believe me, I know. I'm the MASTER, I document every single bloody invasion ever!" Missy proclaimed.
Chris Pratt shrugged. "Oh. Sorry about that."
Quill punched him out.
Charlie, Matteusz, April, Ram and Tanya all burst out of the school with various overdramatic comedic weaponry.
"No! Sorry! We fixed it! We stopped the invasion!" Quill said. "Go back to class, it's time for standardized tests no one likes!"
Charlie, Matteusz, April, Ram and Tanya, all looked really depressed as they slugged back into class.
"There is indeed a possibility you are more evil than me." Missy commented.
"Well, this was fun. I do hope to see you around. Humans are so sluggish. And horny. Like, this isn't even a Torchwood episode. It's ludicrous." Quill commented.
One of the Clock-Kind got up and jumped into the rift.
"Oh. Well, um, shit." Quill said. "Evidently the timeline is going to get worse. Be seeing you." she finished, and Missy shrugged, opened her umbrella and flew up into the sky.
Meanwhile, Big Finish announced Class Volumes 3 and 4.
The End
This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
Michelle Gomez as Missy
Katherine Kelly as Ms. Quill
Jordan Renzo as Matteusz Andrzejewski
Greg Austin as Charlie Smith
Chris Pratt as The Clock-Kind
Sophie Hopkins as April MacLeanVivian Oparah as Tanya Adeola
Fady Elsayed as Ram Singh
Matt Lucas as Nardole
Featuring
Peter Capaldi as The Doctor
If this story doesn't line up to Series 10 and/or Class continuity issues, chalk it up to the Clock-Kind.
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