NCJDDAS: Gaming the System
NCJDDAS: Gaming the System
From a Prompt by Arbrax
Chapter One
“We’re out of decent story ideas,” said The Doctor. “We have actual decent episodes planned for the next few ones, but we have an empty slot this week that Is naturally going to be terrible. So, any suggestions? Anywhere we could go? Please?”
“WE’RE GOING TO MARIO BROTHERS 2” Screamed Roman, incredibly out of character, and pulling the lever on the TARDIS console, horrifically grinning.
“What”
“MARIO BROTHERS 2” Screamed Roman Psychotically, as the TARDIS dematerialized.
As the Doctor, Roman and Cherry got out of the TARDIS, they were suddenly in the land of Mario Bros 2.
“I’m sorry, what exactly is happening here?” Cherry asked, confused.
“MARIO BROS 2” said Roman, babbling incoherently.
“I have no idea,” said The Doctor, looking upon the field of pixels. “It appears to be Mario Bros 2.”
“And would you care to, just like, It’s An idea. Tell me what that is??????” asked Cherry.
“A video game.” The Doctor said, examining the pixels on the ground. They were pointy.
“But...it’s not Bayonetta. The only video game I’m aware of is Bayonetta. And it doesn’t look real? It’s like, all squares? This isn’t like Bayonetta.”
“Not all video games are Bayonetta,” the Doctor replied.
“I’m sorry, as far as I knew up until this very milisecond, all video games were Bayonetta.”
“Can you stop talking about Bayonetta?” The Doctor Snapped.
“MARIO BROS 2” Screamed Roman comedically.
“Okay, so what do we do?” Cherry asked.
“Well, if I recall correctly, we pick up these turnips, on the ground like so-” The Doctor pulled up a pixelated turnip from the ground. “It’s sharp,” she said.
“A Turnip? A TURNIP.” Said Cherry, disbelieving, and honestly quite loud at this point.
“MARIO BROS TWOOOOOOOOO” said Roman, louder.
The Doctor threw the Turnip at Roman. He became tiny.
“Okay, so it isn’t exactly like Mario 2, because that game had a health bar. We’re in some weird Mario hellscape, that doesn’t conform to any of the games.”
“Mario Bros 2!” Squeaked Roman, his voice inflated with helium, but not really, but like you know, that voice effect.
“Well, I know none of these games, so what is the objective.”
“Well, in Mario 2, we move across the stage, jumping over bottomless pits, avoiding this weird floating mask and a bunch of shy guys, ultimately fighting pink transvestite Yoshi in order to walk into a birds’ mouth.” The Doctor said.
“I understood none of that!” Said Cherry, remarkably frazzled.
“Come on, let’s go!” The Doctor said, and they began to walk.
“Maaaarrioooo bros twooooo” said you know who.
Chapter Two
Later,
“I swear to god,” said The Doctor to Cherry, “you just jump over the bottomless pit!”
“I don’t want to!” Exclaimed Cherry, “I’m not exactly amazing at jumping!”
“YOU HAVE DEFEATED DARTH VADER, YOU CAN JUMP OVER THREE BLOODY PIXELS.” Screamed The Doctor,
“I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A PIXEL IS!” Screamed back Cherry.
“THIS STORY IS TERRIBLE,” Hollered The Doctor into the void.
Cherry jumped ludicrously high and floated in mid air.
“Oh, lovely, you have Princess Peach’s game controls,” said The Doctor.
“WHY AM I FLOOOOATINGGGGG” said Cherry, filled with inescapable dread.
She landed back down, having made the jump.
“I’m beginning to wonder the point of this story,” She muttered.
The Doctor looked harrowed, and then replied:
“Yep, you’re right. There’s very little story potential here. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s-”
“INDEED. IT IS I,” said a voice from the clouds.
“The Celestial Toymaker!” The Doctor scowled. “Why are you responsible for this?”
“I’m an easily applied arc villain!” The Celestial Toymaker growled. “People complained after the previous season’s arc was so thin!”
“I’m pretty sure nobody complained, we did great last season.” The Doctor replied petulantly. “Even if Cherry’s emotional character has entirely flipped.”
“Hey!”
“Nonetheless, Doctor,” The Toymaker replied. “You are in my game, now. It’s been rather annoying, having to deal with you like this, but at last, I have you in my power! It was easy to possess Roman, and use him to lead you into Mario Two like this-”
“Actually, I’m not possessed at all.” Interrupted Roman, “I just really like Mario Two.”
“I swear to god, don’t make me fucking come down there,” the Toymaker growled. “Whatever. You’re in my game now, and you know what, let’s see how you like a much harder game...”
“Bayonetta?” Cherry replied, hopefully,
“No.”
The screen gyrated and the world’s pixels reshaped themselves into what looked like much better graphics but was really just the same NES system, this time the world of Mega Man Two.
“MEGA MAN TWOOOOOOOOO” Shrieked Roman, who was still tiny.
“Okay, so, like, how do you shut Roman up,” The Celestial Toymaker asked.
“I’ve been trying since my fourth incarnation,” said The Doctor.
“Okay, so, that’s. Like annoying” commented the Toymaker. “But I have you within my grasp now! You’re playing Wiley Stage One!”
The best music ever played from somewhere deep in the NES.
“This is an acceptable agreement.” The Doctor muttered.
Chapter Three
The Doctor, tiny unintelligible Roman and Cherry made their way through the world of Mega Man 2.
Robot Chickens dropped eggs which fell from the sky, which was incredibly annoying.
“What do we do?” Asked Cherry. “We have next to no weapons!”
“You mean, we don’t have this giant assault rifle I’ve Definitely been carrying the entire time?“ Roman asked.
“That would have been incredibly useful in Mario 2.” The Doctor said, taking the assault rifle and firing at the birds like crazy.
They moved across the stage, and climbed up a ladder. The enemy robots with shields stood across the stage. Cherry rushed and kicked their faces in with her Bayonetta heels.
They climbed up to an empty screen.
“Well, this is the bit where we’d ordinarily summon platforms using our Uber awesome Mega Man Powers.” The Doctor said.
They instead stood there, for at least five hours.
The Toymaker finally showed up. “This is incredibly annoying of you,” he growled. “I’ve been trying to be a decent villain- which I find difficult, for like the entirety of season four at this point, trying to show up in the right places, set the right obstacles, and you can’t finish either of these video game stages I’ve picked for you. Like, come on, cut it out.”
“Consider the following,” The Doctor began, “Fuck off.”
“Ooh, Owch, you guys swear, and stuff! I’m so offended!” The Toymaker mocked sarcastically. “You know, you think you’re so great with your terrible gags that go on too long, but whenever you’re presented with a minor obstacle, the only thing you know how to do is shoot it. Which frankly is lazy writing. I get real sick of how all you people know how to do is violence instead of-”
The Doctor shot the Toymaker through the skull with her assault rifle.
“Can we leave now?”
Epilogue:
They found their way back to the TARDIS, disappointed.
“I feel no point to any of what just occurred,” Roman said.
“Oh, I thought you were all pro-Mario 2 and whatnot?” The Doctor snapped. “I mean honestly. We’ve learned a lot today, and we know the Toymaker is responsible for all the crap we’ve dealt with since the start of the season. Starting from here on out, we need to go to War. Otherwise we’re never getting back to the 20s to find Cherry’s girlfriend that we now know is named Marsha. We need to find the toymaker’s source, and stop him before his convoluted mega arc comes together.”
“I thought we shot him.” Said Cherry.
“No, definitely not. We have not done that. We only shot like, um, a thing. A hologram or a clone or a thing. Because otherwise we’d get a new cliffhanger in the epilogue, and we’re talking about the Toymaker right now, so he’s definitely alive and kicking. Let’s get out there, and stop him, guys! I mean, after our whole experience in the episode where we only showed up on the TV screen, we still don’t know how his plan is coming together, and like, he set up a revolution in the land of fiction, and has a bunch of people’s brains tied up in an afterlife thing, let’s find out the common denominator!”
Having persuaded Cherry and Roman to move on, they got into the TARDIS to search out the best way to stop the celestial Toymaker, All unaware of the fact that he was completely dead, lying on the floor from the Doctor’s gunshot wound.
He’s going to get up now, and continue the villain arc.
It’s gonna happen.
Any second now.
He’s getting up, right, it’s in the script-
It’s supposed to be a real nice cliffhanger too.
What do you mean, he’s hemorrhaged?
Get him up!
Oh his brains are falling out yep he’s dead this is a problem
The End
This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor
Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman
Sir Patrick Stewart as Mini-Roman
Scarlett Johansson as Cherry
Robert Redford as The Celestial Toymaker
From a Prompt by Arbrax
Chapter One
“We’re out of decent story ideas,” said The Doctor. “We have actual decent episodes planned for the next few ones, but we have an empty slot this week that Is naturally going to be terrible. So, any suggestions? Anywhere we could go? Please?”
“WE’RE GOING TO MARIO BROTHERS 2” Screamed Roman, incredibly out of character, and pulling the lever on the TARDIS console, horrifically grinning.
“What”
“MARIO BROTHERS 2” Screamed Roman Psychotically, as the TARDIS dematerialized.
As the Doctor, Roman and Cherry got out of the TARDIS, they were suddenly in the land of Mario Bros 2.
“I’m sorry, what exactly is happening here?” Cherry asked, confused.
“MARIO BROS 2” said Roman, babbling incoherently.
“I have no idea,” said The Doctor, looking upon the field of pixels. “It appears to be Mario Bros 2.”
“And would you care to, just like, It’s An idea. Tell me what that is??????” asked Cherry.
“A video game.” The Doctor said, examining the pixels on the ground. They were pointy.
“But...it’s not Bayonetta. The only video game I’m aware of is Bayonetta. And it doesn’t look real? It’s like, all squares? This isn’t like Bayonetta.”
“Not all video games are Bayonetta,” the Doctor replied.
“I’m sorry, as far as I knew up until this very milisecond, all video games were Bayonetta.”
“Can you stop talking about Bayonetta?” The Doctor Snapped.
“MARIO BROS 2” Screamed Roman comedically.
“Okay, so what do we do?” Cherry asked.
“Well, if I recall correctly, we pick up these turnips, on the ground like so-” The Doctor pulled up a pixelated turnip from the ground. “It’s sharp,” she said.
“A Turnip? A TURNIP.” Said Cherry, disbelieving, and honestly quite loud at this point.
“MARIO BROS TWOOOOOOOOO” said Roman, louder.
The Doctor threw the Turnip at Roman. He became tiny.
“Okay, so it isn’t exactly like Mario 2, because that game had a health bar. We’re in some weird Mario hellscape, that doesn’t conform to any of the games.”
“Mario Bros 2!” Squeaked Roman, his voice inflated with helium, but not really, but like you know, that voice effect.
“Well, I know none of these games, so what is the objective.”
“Well, in Mario 2, we move across the stage, jumping over bottomless pits, avoiding this weird floating mask and a bunch of shy guys, ultimately fighting pink transvestite Yoshi in order to walk into a birds’ mouth.” The Doctor said.
“I understood none of that!” Said Cherry, remarkably frazzled.
“Come on, let’s go!” The Doctor said, and they began to walk.
“Maaaarrioooo bros twooooo” said you know who.
Chapter Two
Later,
“I swear to god,” said The Doctor to Cherry, “you just jump over the bottomless pit!”
“I don’t want to!” Exclaimed Cherry, “I’m not exactly amazing at jumping!”
“YOU HAVE DEFEATED DARTH VADER, YOU CAN JUMP OVER THREE BLOODY PIXELS.” Screamed The Doctor,
“I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A PIXEL IS!” Screamed back Cherry.
“THIS STORY IS TERRIBLE,” Hollered The Doctor into the void.
Cherry jumped ludicrously high and floated in mid air.
“Oh, lovely, you have Princess Peach’s game controls,” said The Doctor.
“WHY AM I FLOOOOATINGGGGG” said Cherry, filled with inescapable dread.
She landed back down, having made the jump.
“I’m beginning to wonder the point of this story,” She muttered.
The Doctor looked harrowed, and then replied:
“Yep, you’re right. There’s very little story potential here. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s-”
“INDEED. IT IS I,” said a voice from the clouds.
“The Celestial Toymaker!” The Doctor scowled. “Why are you responsible for this?”
“I’m an easily applied arc villain!” The Celestial Toymaker growled. “People complained after the previous season’s arc was so thin!”
“I’m pretty sure nobody complained, we did great last season.” The Doctor replied petulantly. “Even if Cherry’s emotional character has entirely flipped.”
“Hey!”
“Nonetheless, Doctor,” The Toymaker replied. “You are in my game, now. It’s been rather annoying, having to deal with you like this, but at last, I have you in my power! It was easy to possess Roman, and use him to lead you into Mario Two like this-”
“Actually, I’m not possessed at all.” Interrupted Roman, “I just really like Mario Two.”
“I swear to god, don’t make me fucking come down there,” the Toymaker growled. “Whatever. You’re in my game now, and you know what, let’s see how you like a much harder game...”
“Bayonetta?” Cherry replied, hopefully,
“No.”
The screen gyrated and the world’s pixels reshaped themselves into what looked like much better graphics but was really just the same NES system, this time the world of Mega Man Two.
“MEGA MAN TWOOOOOOOOO” Shrieked Roman, who was still tiny.
“Okay, so, like, how do you shut Roman up,” The Celestial Toymaker asked.
“I’ve been trying since my fourth incarnation,” said The Doctor.
“Okay, so, that’s. Like annoying” commented the Toymaker. “But I have you within my grasp now! You’re playing Wiley Stage One!”
The best music ever played from somewhere deep in the NES.
“This is an acceptable agreement.” The Doctor muttered.
Chapter Three
The Doctor, tiny unintelligible Roman and Cherry made their way through the world of Mega Man 2.
Robot Chickens dropped eggs which fell from the sky, which was incredibly annoying.
“What do we do?” Asked Cherry. “We have next to no weapons!”
“You mean, we don’t have this giant assault rifle I’ve Definitely been carrying the entire time?“ Roman asked.
“That would have been incredibly useful in Mario 2.” The Doctor said, taking the assault rifle and firing at the birds like crazy.
They moved across the stage, and climbed up a ladder. The enemy robots with shields stood across the stage. Cherry rushed and kicked their faces in with her Bayonetta heels.
They climbed up to an empty screen.
“Well, this is the bit where we’d ordinarily summon platforms using our Uber awesome Mega Man Powers.” The Doctor said.
They instead stood there, for at least five hours.
The Toymaker finally showed up. “This is incredibly annoying of you,” he growled. “I’ve been trying to be a decent villain- which I find difficult, for like the entirety of season four at this point, trying to show up in the right places, set the right obstacles, and you can’t finish either of these video game stages I’ve picked for you. Like, come on, cut it out.”
“Consider the following,” The Doctor began, “Fuck off.”
“Ooh, Owch, you guys swear, and stuff! I’m so offended!” The Toymaker mocked sarcastically. “You know, you think you’re so great with your terrible gags that go on too long, but whenever you’re presented with a minor obstacle, the only thing you know how to do is shoot it. Which frankly is lazy writing. I get real sick of how all you people know how to do is violence instead of-”
The Doctor shot the Toymaker through the skull with her assault rifle.
“Can we leave now?”
Epilogue:
They found their way back to the TARDIS, disappointed.
“I feel no point to any of what just occurred,” Roman said.
“Oh, I thought you were all pro-Mario 2 and whatnot?” The Doctor snapped. “I mean honestly. We’ve learned a lot today, and we know the Toymaker is responsible for all the crap we’ve dealt with since the start of the season. Starting from here on out, we need to go to War. Otherwise we’re never getting back to the 20s to find Cherry’s girlfriend that we now know is named Marsha. We need to find the toymaker’s source, and stop him before his convoluted mega arc comes together.”
“I thought we shot him.” Said Cherry.
“No, definitely not. We have not done that. We only shot like, um, a thing. A hologram or a clone or a thing. Because otherwise we’d get a new cliffhanger in the epilogue, and we’re talking about the Toymaker right now, so he’s definitely alive and kicking. Let’s get out there, and stop him, guys! I mean, after our whole experience in the episode where we only showed up on the TV screen, we still don’t know how his plan is coming together, and like, he set up a revolution in the land of fiction, and has a bunch of people’s brains tied up in an afterlife thing, let’s find out the common denominator!”
Having persuaded Cherry and Roman to move on, they got into the TARDIS to search out the best way to stop the celestial Toymaker, All unaware of the fact that he was completely dead, lying on the floor from the Doctor’s gunshot wound.
He’s going to get up now, and continue the villain arc.
It’s gonna happen.
Any second now.
He’s getting up, right, it’s in the script-
It’s supposed to be a real nice cliffhanger too.
What do you mean, he’s hemorrhaged?
Get him up!
Oh his brains are falling out yep he’s dead this is a problem
The End
This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor
Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman
Sir Patrick Stewart as Mini-Roman
Scarlett Johansson as Cherry
Robert Redford as The Celestial Toymaker
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