(MAIN RANGE): Timeship In A Bottle

(MAIN RANGE): Timeship In A Bottle

This Story Stars David Thewlis as The Doctor and Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman

Chapter One

"UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

The timeship, once owned by the Celestial Toymaker, was folding in on itself. The Walls were Bending like rubber, and the ship rotated into the plane of zero gravity. 

"Fine mess, you've got me into, Doctor!" Roman yelled. 

"I told you the singularity would consume the ship, Roman." The Doctor called. "Did you honestly think that meant it wouldn't crash?" 

"I don't know! I've never been in a ship consumed by a singularity in it's warp core before!"

"Liar!" 

Space and Time rotated in upon itself. The Ship's Internal Gravity ceased to work, and The Doctor and Roman began to float up into the time-distorted walls.

Roman got somewhat emotional. "Well, if I die here, it'll be a nice old paradox. You live, obviously, but if I died, you'd have known the entire time I was your companion with your future self!" 

"You're being real pessimistic, that's my job," The Doctor said. "And what future self?"

"Oh, don't tell me your encounter with your future self left your brain already?!?" Roman whined. 

"It tends to happen." The Doctor said. "I mean, one knows they met their future self, there's no other explaining for the gap in memory, it has a certain tinge to it, you see. But no, as of this moment, I recall nothing. I hope I regenerate into Brenda Blethyn." 

"Boy, do I have a tale for you," Roman muttered, but the ship continued to shake. 

"Roman, get over to that ship's console. If we can correct the ship's geocentric orbit, we can set to try and reach for a certain location. Crash us on a semi barren planet."

"Got it." Roman said, dragging himself through the air to the console. The Doctor grabbed his way into another.  

"You know," Roman muttered. "I heard about another one of your misadventures like this." 

"Mm? Do tell," The Doctor said, before correcting himself. "Well, actually don't if it's like, a temporal issue." 

"No. No, it isn't. You see, back in your Eighth Incarnation, I took a break from being president of Gallifrey for the length of the whole Doom Coalition palaver. But I heard that Cardinal Padrac shoved you, Liv and Helen into a space capsule and ejected you into the nothingness." 

"Yep, that happened." The Doctor said, half attentive. He examined the console he had dragged himself to. "Does your console work? Mine's shit faced." 

"No, this one's broken too." Roman said. "Well, actually it's just a crappy version of Windows. Can't get it to work. Anyway, trapped in a ship careening into oblivion, no one else to talk to. And guess what that story was called?"

"I have absolutely no idea. I can't know the title of a story. Then I'd instantly know, OOH, this episode features the Daleks, and then I wouldn't spend the first 25 minutes of the serial unaware the episode has Daleks." The Doctor said. "It would be helpful to know things are called 'The Android Invasion!'"

"Makes sense, forget I mentioned it." Roman commented. "You see though, you're a serious Doctor and all that, and you've entered the sort of NCJDDAS jokey area that I operate in. You may find it jarring." 

"Yeah, no more than A Detective Shapeshifting Penguin." The Doctor commented. 

"That console over there is beeping and flashing red." Roman pointed. "Is it going to explode?"

"Most likely." The Doctor said. "One thing at a time. So, solutions to falling into an endless void of the time vortex and trying to escape a singularity to crash land onto a hopefully uninhabited planet?" 

"Do what you did last time."

"What?"

"Jump out!" 

Chapter Two

"Jump out." The Doctor bemused. "Alright, do an inventory. What do we have on our hands?"

"This ship isn't big. It's roughly three average room sizes wide. Like an apartment." Roman said, swimming through the air over to the cabinets nearby. "It was made as the Toymakers...leisure craft, it says here?" 

"Ew."

"It recycles our oxygen, we don't have to worry about that, even with our binary vascular systems. It has...potted plants. A room full of potted plants, and enough electicity to last a lifetime, except it's running on a crappy version of Windows, so it'll eat all that up in like 20 minutes." 

"What do you have against Windows?" The Doctor asked.

"Not much, besides that this ship runs on a test beta from 1979." 

"They weren't even open then!"

"Shows what you know." 

The Doctor thought to himself. "What kind of plants are they?"

"Hmm. Mostly Alien. Trigliterine, Aloe Nigel, and Forthisishishishithea, mostly."

The Doctor jumped to himself. "Excellent." He said, regaining composure. "Grind up some of that Aloe Nigel."

"With what?"

"I don't know, smash it with one of those oxygen tanks, they're heavy." 

Roman rushed over to grab one of the tanks, and he slammed into it. 

"Alrighty," Roman said, smashing up the aloe with little finesse. "Wait, Doctor," Roman said. "Are you doing what I think you're doing? An Aloe Nigel Electrical Reaction?"

"Yep." The Doctor said. 

"You're going to blow up the ship?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna blow up the ship. I do hope we both survive it!"

"You have unlimited regenerations, I have what, six? I'm pretty sure if you throw me in the vacuum of space long enough, it'll eat those right up!" 

"Don't want to die either, Roman." The Doctor said, moving over to a barrel and sprinkling a bit of the crushed up plant on it. "Please. Can you trust me?"

"I don't know, that's debatable. Having a Gallifreyan presidency kind of makes you-"

"HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Oh, dear god."

Chapter Three

"UAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" 

The timeship, once owned by the Celestial Toymaker, was folding in on itself. The Walls were Bending like rubber, and the ship rotated into the plane of zero gravity. 

"Fine mess, you've got me into, Doctor!" Roman yelled. 

"I told you the singularity would consume the ship, Roman." The Doctor called. "Did you honestly think that meant it wouldn't crash? And Oh shit."

"Are we in a fucking time loop?" Roman growled. 

"Of course I shouldn't have done an explosion close to a singularity. And it isn't a loop if it doesn't repeat. We're just going backwards a good 10 minutes." 

"Alright. So. What can we do- ARRGH!" Roman screamed as a bit of sparkling shrapnel came down from the ceiling. It impaled his foot. "This place is a death trap!" He growled. 

"That didn't happen last loop."

An overlapping voice came out of the speakers nearby. 

Roman's voice spat, "Boy, do I have a tale for you..."

"What the?" Roman yelled. "That was from the last loop!" 

"Yeah." The Doctor said, gritting his teeth. "I'm just guessing, but I think that something must have come through the Singularity. Something malevolent."

Roman's voice called out of the speaker. "Fine mess you've got me into, Doctor." It continued. "Shows What You Know." Then The Doctor's Voice. "Yeah, I'm going to blow up the ship."

"Windows 1979 is taunting us." The Doctor growled. "It wants to kill us."

"Wants to kill us!" Copied The Speaker. 

"What is it going to do?" Roman asked, nervous. 

"I don't know, smash it with one of those oxygen tanks," The Speaker spat, before the Oxygen tanks began to be thrown at them at high speed by some kind of force.

"Oh, this is gonna be one of those days," Roman growled. 

Chapter Four

The Doctor, taking Roman's leg, attempted to stifle the bleeding from the shrapnel as they dodged the flying Oxygen tanks. 

"Something's obviously taken control of the ship's computer. From beyond our reality." The Doctor said. 

"Figured that much," replied Roman. "Computer! Why do you want to kill us!"

The computer paused a moment. "Ew." The Doctor's voice rang out.

"Oh, crap, it... it finds us disgusting? .. .Where's the computer core, we need to shut it down!" The Doctor asked. 

"The Computer core is hidden behind multiple bulkheads. We're at it's mercy." Roman said. 

"And if we blow up the ship, I'm betting the singularity will take us back here, it won't just let us go." The Doctor said.

"Yep," The Speaker said in the Doctor's voice. 

"Thank you for the clarification. How could we remove the bulkheads?" The Doctor asked Roman.

"How should I know?"

"Well, we're the Doctor and Romana. We both make eachother look like an idiot." The Doctor said. 

"Okay, you have to stop giving that thing fuel for weird death threats." Roman said.

"Weird Death Threats!" The Speaker Copied. 

"Wait. Let's try steering the ship again." 

"While it's throwing barrels of oxygen at us?"

"I bet that takes a lot of energy, telekinesis." The Doctor commented. 

The Doctor rushed to the console (as fast as one could float) and attempted to set coordinates.

"Jump Out!" "Gonna Blow up the Ship!" The computer taunted. 

"No you won't, you bastard, you need us alive!" Roman growled!

"YOU BASTARD" The computer called back

"Roman! You're teaching it no-no words!" The Doctor joked.

The Doctor pressed a few buttons and slowly, a manual steering wheel arose from the floor.

"YOU BASTARD YOU BASTARD" 

They swiftly pulled the steering wheel. 
"We're pulling out of the vortex, we need to eject the singularity warp core!" The Doctor yelled.

"Then we'll be powerless!" Roman yelled back.

"But the momentum will take us into the planet, it'll be rocky, but it'll work. Trust Me!" 

"...Alright." Roman said, giipping his knee. "I'll eject the core."

"No-No! No-No!" The Computer quoted. It sparked. Speaking distortedly- "..teaching it...NO-NO! NO-NO!"

"Eject the singularity warp core!" "Then you'll be powerless!" The Computer continued to quote, angrily. 

"I have to do this!" Roman said, imputting the ejection codes.

"I don't want to die, either Roman," The computer said in the Doctor's voice, and then the core ejected into the vortex as the ship spiralled down into a planets atmosphere, falling to the surface to crash and die. 

3 Days Later...

"Are their any survivors?" The woman asked, surveying the wreckage. 

"We've found two so far. Delirious. Muttering about the Computer trying to kill them." A gruff man responded.

"Well, I wouldn't always call that delirious." The Woman said. "Fetch them out of there," she said. 

Roman and The Doctor were taken by workers in medical uniforms away on a stretcher, bruised and battered. 

"Well. I don't recognize them." The woman said. "But the ship was so damaged...and these writings say it belonged to the Celestial Toymaker."

She brooded for a moment.

"Take them to the White Rabbit. Mister Braxiatel will want to see them." Bernice Summerfield said to the man, as they dragged Roman and The Doctor away...

The End? 

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred

David Thewlis as The Doctor

Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman

Featuring A Cameo From
Lisa Bowerman as Bernice Summerfield