(MAIN RANGE): Recovery

 

(MAIN RANGE): Recovery

This Story Stars Elizabeth Olsen as The Twenty Second Doctor and Gillian Jacobs as Paige

Chapter One

There's a train to nowhere on the planet Chalthelterioux. 

Everyone gets on in one place, of course. Right next to the spaceport, there's a little wooden hut like one of those old things you see in Western movies where you buy your ticket, and then you hop onto the Train, and it goes off, infinitely in one direction. The train tracks never stop, as far as you can look ahead, and the train never runs out of gas, but it also never returns. It just keeps going on and on, quite literally, forever. It's an impossible train that goes along infinitely. (Which of course, should be impossible, but it goes on quite well, and never crosses the same place twice.) An impossible train. An impossible planet, and it's always filled to the brim. Any time you want to go for a ride, (and it's quite a decision as you'll be going till the end of your days,) Somebody has to build a new train for you to go on. The train fills on up, filled to the brim with people excited to travel into the undiscovered country, to where no traveller has returned. People have to sign legal forms to get on the new train, because everyone of them is the same. They're all perfectly fine, they're going into infinity, and they're not coming back...

The TARDIS materialized into the rumbling of a cabin. 

The Door squeaked as Paige opened it and walked out by the handle. "Hmm, Doctor!" Paige called. "It seems we've found ourselves onto a train!" 

"Hmm? Really?" The Doctor asked, poking her head out of the TARDIS, and hopping out. She spun around in a circle a few times. "Yes! We are on a train!" She said, confidently going forward. 

"You didn't know?" Paige asked.

"Oh, darling, I had no idea. Set it to random, I've been feeling too sedate." The Doctor said, prim and proper and loopy, and she began to investigate some kind of item on the floor. 

"What is it?" Asked Paige.

"Some kind of wire." The Doctor said. 

"What's it for?"

"Wiring, I'd expect. Literally everywhere has wires, it's not a clue every time." 

"Okay, then." Paige said, laughing. "But, really. What kind of place do you really think this is?"

"You see, Paige, I've learned not to judge until I see the people. Come on, this is a cargo car. Over here- is where the magic is." She flung open the door to the next carriage, stunned to see dozens of old people all staring at her, as if they hadn't seen a young person in sixty years.

They hadn't, of course.

Chapter Two

"Woah there!" Paige laughed, walking up to her. "I didn't know this train was an old folks home!" 

The Doctor looked at Paige. "I'm old." 

"No offense," Paige shrugged, awkwardly. 

"Who are you?" One of the woman, with long white hair, in some sort of aristocratic clothing, asked.

"I..am the train inspector." The Doctor said. "I inspect trains." 

They continued to stare at her.

"This is, um, a good train. Very sturdy. 9/10. Sorry, um, don't mean to pry, but what planet are we on?" 

"The train inspector comes along every other tuesday." The woman said. 

"Yes, well, I came early. Or late, depending on your view of chronology." The Doctor said, continuing to bluff.

"No, it's just...he's a portly man in a waistcoat."

"Had a makeover!" The Doctor hammily said. "Planet!? What's the planet!?"

A mustachioed man came up to them. "Excuse me, I'm Rudolphus Clerkins."

"And I'm Judy!" The Woman said.

Rudolphus continued.  "We happen to be travelling on the infinite plains of Chalthelterioux, ponounced chal-theater-e-u. We're on a train into infinity. But, literally, my good madame(s), there is no way you should not know this. And no way you should be so young, we've been travelling for 60 years." 

"THANK YOU!" The Doctor said happily. 

Paige came up, raising her hand. "Um, Hi. I'm Paige. I, like, came with the Inspector. I'm working to get my...inspector's license. I'm like...her constable!"

"Not that kind of Inspector, Paige." The Doctor said quietly. 

"Anyway, we're new here because of reasons." Paige said firmly.

The other people, slowly wandered back to their seats.

"Nice." The Doctor whispered.

"Something I learned from Improv class," Paige whispered back. "People buy anything if you say it real confidently." 

A New Woman with "Excuse me, I must apologize. I'm Dame Helen Lurbishley. Last of the Chalice of Rixx, how do you do? Anywho, traditions. Once every ten years, the ticket inspector comes to make sure we have our tickets." 

"What if you don't?"

"Well, he bites off your head, I believe. Not that anyone would EVER misplace their ticket with that on the line! Ha ha! Also, the Conductor occasionally comes down for Poker, once a month, dearie me's, and that should be all you need to know to get accustomed if you decide to stay this time. I know train inspectors have to look at ALL the trains, but you know, if you like us, we would absolutely adore some company." 

"I'm sorry, I lost you at BITES OFF YOUR HEAD," Paige yelled. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll-"

"No, no need to repeat yourself." The Doctor said. "What I'd like to know, is if this train goes on into infinity like that man back there said, how do you survive? You're all 60 to 100 at max, how do you survive into the trip?"

Dame Helen Hurbishley said in an immensely proper voice. "We're the sixth generation of people on this particular train! We can also teleport onto other trains if there's no people here to date. We're all travelling into infinity anyway! Ha ha!" 

"Thank you, Dame. You're remarkably helpful." The Doctor said.

"I'm Dame of being helpful! Thank you, anytime you need me!" The Dame walked off.

"Doctor, This is fascinating. But it defies all science! How can a train go into infinity?" Paige asked. 

"I'm figuring it out, Paige." The Doctor said intently, and then the train's bell rang.

"THE TICKET COLLECTOR IS COMING! PLEASE GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!"

"Oh, sorry, did I mention it was today!" Dame Helen called.

A long spindly man with legs and arms the width of tree branches thick, like some kind of stick figure made of dripping black ink, and wearing a tight fitted suit entered the train car. It was a foot taller than everyone else present. It wore a wide top hat, also dripping with ink. It had no features but three mouthes, bearing their teeth, grinning in a way that looked like a snarl.

"Tickets, Please." 

Chapter Three

"Paige, run!" The Doctor grabbed Paige's hand, and reached down to remove her high heels before rushing down the carriage and swinging the door open to the next section. A crowd of new people, still as shocked as before, stared at them, but the Doctor and Paige ran into the next carriage still, hearing the door slam open behind them and the Ticket Collector's three mouths, Screaming and roaring at different volumes. 

They ran into the next room, and the next, and finally into a caboose, and out again, where the Doctor slammed into another door, and barred it shut, stepping outside of the train onto a small platform at it's end. 

"What do we do?" Paige yelled. 

The Doctor put her high heels back on. "Oh come on. Of course we're going on top of the train."

They heard a window shatter, and a centipede like body of a MASSIVE segmented insect creature crawled out from a previous carriage, curling itself around the train and towards them. At it's top was the Ticket Collector, It's torso attached to the massive segmented behemoth. It had somehow grown it in a matter of seconds.

"I don't get to go outside very often!" The Ticket Conductor yelled. 

The Doctor raised her sonic screwdriver. "Okay, Not the top of the train." 

She furrowed her brow as the massive creature that was the ticket Collector curled it's body towards them, reaching out with it's claw like hands. 

What's that the Dame said about teleporting to another train?" She asked Paige.

Paige shrugged, clearly overwhelmed. "Um, you can do it?" 

"Exactly!" The Doctor said, and then they were gone. 

Moments later, they materialized onto the top of a different train, with the Doctor's screwdriver emmiting a large zap and smoking. The Doctor chucked it off the train. "I'll make another." She muttered. There was another moment of silence between them as Paige tried to keep herself calm.

"Okay, so." The Doctor said. "Something's going on here, obviously. But what's the motive of travel into infinity? Hundreds of Generations of people on hundreds of different trains, all going into the infinite dawn." 

She stamped her foot. "Okay, no idea! Tourism? These people have lived their lives here, and it doesn't make sense, the concept of infinity in the first place, but I can't uproot them! I can't change their lives like that, and send them to a place they have no ability to even possess the conception of! All I can do is try and stop whatever that collector thing is. That was wrong, what was it?" 

"It...Um, grew something. But like. My science teacher told me matter can't be made matter out of nothing, only transformed. That thing started out small and thin and then became...behemothy and insecty." She muttered emotionally. "And oh, god, it was scary." 

"That's definitely important." The Doctor said. "Hmm. I have an idea. They said something about the Conductor. How does he tie into this?" 

"You're asking me?" Paige asked. 

"I don't know." The Doctor said, getting up and making a strange pose. "Let's find out. The first carriage is over there." 

And they opened a hatch, and climbed into a cargo hold, close to the front of the train, billowing red smoke into the sky.

Chapter Four

The Doctor opened a hatch into the Conductor's carriage.

The Conductor sat in his chair. "I was wondering when you'd get here." He said. He was a bearded man, in a dignified uniform. 

He pointed to a man shovelling coal (weird purple coal) into the engine, and the man walked off. 

"Doctor." He said. "I watched you on the Cameras. I think you should appreciate your situation." 

"I appreciate my situation!" Paige said. "I really really appreciate being alive!" 

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. Then raised both, and wiggled them up and down for a second before speaking. "Appreciate what, exactly? That your practices are so barbaric?"

"Come now, Doctor!" The Conductor said, walking over and pouring himself, The Doctor and Paige some Cranberry Juice. He handed it to them in wine glasses. "It looks like Wine, we're on a budget." He said. "Anyway, Doctor, you broke onto my trains! They are, strictly speaking, private property, I can't let everyone in, but you know, I haven't done anything wrong." 

"Your thing tried to bite my head off. You've desensitized an entire generation to violence."

"Not a crime." The Conductor said, drinking. "You see, Doctor." He said, suavely, "I had a dream, once upon a time. I wanted to travel, but one planet wasn't enough. But I couldn't stand space either, So I invented a device that changed infinity from a theory to a reality. Based off of the dimensional fact that there's a dimension for everything in the multiverse, I did a quick google on dimensions, and I found, myself, a world that was it's own dimension, stretching on into actual Infinity! You can imagine my excitement. Once a train starts off, it makes a quick dimension hop, and they're now all here. I've made my own Eden, and you've come crashing down into it, an apple into my paradise. I love these people. I go to every train, one a day, there are currently 365 right now, and, well. I play Poker with them or watch a movie, I live with these people. You want an anticlimax? I'm sorry, but here it is. I'm a scientist, Doctor. And I, I'm happy to say, you've persuaded me. The Ticket Collectors will be shut down immediately. You win, you're right, and I'm a reasonable man. I'll shut them down."

"You still have to pay for your crimes."

"Pay for them? I'm paying! The substance that's in my dimension hopping device, it's...sadly toxic. I have a few weeks to live." 

"I'm sorry." The Doctor said. 

"It's nothing against you." The Conductor said. "...Ugh. If my last days have to be a legal drama, and a trial, which...which of course, I will plead guilty to, than so be it." 

The Doctor looked about. 

"Here's to our recovery!" He said, raising his glass. 

And then the Ticket Collectors came up from behind Paige and The Doctor and grabbed them. 

"OH, THANK GOD!" The Conductor laughed. "I didn't know how long I had to keep that up! Wow! Sorry, yeah. I'm not going to prison. I'm going to live my short fucking life out here, and if I have to kill some chicks to do that? THEN I WILL." 

"Knew it was a bluff." The Doctor gritted her teeth.

"No, you didn't." The Conductor said. 

Paige kicked the Ticket Collector, but it wouldn't budge. 

"What are they?" The Doctor growled. 

"They're the composites of the humans from this dimension." The Conductor growled. "Sadly this dimension had inhabitants. I melted them down. Fused them. Made them into something more useful."

The Collectors hissed. 

"You're a monster." The Doctor said. 

"Yeah?" The Conductor laughed. "Take me to Court." 

Chapter Five

The collectors mouths grew closer, and they began to ready themselves to kill the Doctor and Paige.

The Conductor continued to laugh, and laugh and laugh, until-

"Excuse me?" A Woman asked, entering the room. "Conductor, I was wondering if I could invite you to a showing of Alien 3 next month?" 

"What? I'm sorry, but I'm slightly busy right now." The Conductor said, pointing at the Doctor and Paige in the ticket collector's grasps. 

"I know." She said, taking a gun out of her pocket and taking off her mask, revealing another version of Paige. 

"What?" Paige yelled. 

"The multiverse theory states there's a dimension for every possibility ever, no matter how slim. This is the one dimension where not only is the world infinite, but your alternate dimension self has a gun and knows exactly where to help you at the exact moment you need it." Paige Two said. 

"The probability of that is incredibly unlikely." The Doctor said. "Thanks. I mean of course, there's also a dimension where we die, because the same rules apply, but I'm glad that's not this one." 

"What, no!?" Yelled The Conductor, as Paige Two shot the Ticket Collectors with a laser and aimed it at the Conductor. 

"Like The Doctor said. It's never too late to pay for your crimes." Paige Two said. 

The Conductor growled. 

He then was tied to a chair and teleported to a legal court. 

"I'll keep an eye on him." Paige Two said. 

Chapter Six

The Doctor and Paige walked back to the TARDIS. 

"Wow." Paige said. "That was insane. It's mind bending that based of the multiverse theory you can get into such specifics. How'd the TARDIS hop into another dimension anyway?"

"I set it to random! Equally likely we materialize inside a sun." The Doctor shrugged. 

"Yeah. Like, what are the chances all of this happened for us? It's mind boggling." Paige muttered. 

"The way I think about every near save like this, Paige, is it's no more unlikely than our mere creation. Think about it. Hundreds of years of people, your ancestors, all had to fall in love, do certain things in just the right way, or they could have died too early and you wouldn't have born. I like to think that people are the miracles." The Doctor said. "And you know? I don't mind not being shot by the Daleks for the same reasons."

They unkeyed the TARDIS door, and then with a whoosh, they were gone.

The End

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred

Elizabeth Olsen as The Doctor

Gillian Jacobs as Paige

William Dafoe as The Conductor 

Imelda Staunton as Dame Helen Hurbishley

Richard Braine as Rudolphus Clerkins

Sheila Reid as Judy Clerkins

George Asprey as The Ticket Collectors