NCBBDAS: A Shooting Star

NCBBDAS: A Shooting Star

This Story Stars Brenda Blethyn as The Twenty Seventh Doctor and Ted Danson as Calvin

Chapter One

Calvin woke up one day to find a blue telephone box lying in his bedroom, and a strange woman sitting in his chair eating a packet of crisps (or chips) (Or whatever the fuck) sitting there quite happily to herself. 

"Ah, you've awaked. How's that?" She said, coming over to him and adjusting his pillows. "I know you'll be awfully confused and all of that, but before you ask any questions, love, I think it'd be awfully good of you to get some food in. Breakfast in Bed, okay?" 

Calvin sat there in his bed, oddly comfortable, but certainly speechless. 

The woman got up, and went over to the other side of his apartment (It was all one room) and began to open the fridge and grabbing a pot out of the cabinet, humming to herself. 

"Um, who are you?" Calvin asked, incredibly confused. 

"Look, mate. I'm making you up some breakfast here, and I said I'd explain it all in a tad." The woman said, and Calvin sat there, confused as anything. The woman looked like she knew nothing about cooking, she was making eggs with some kind of- He didn't even recognize the utencil- 

But she came over to the bed with a plate full of food, and placed the scrambled eggs and bacon on his lap. 

"There." She said, grinning quite happily. "Eat up." 

"Look, um, Madame-"

"Doctor," The woman said. 

"Sorry, Doctor-"

"Doctor Doctor." The woman said, still happy. "The Doctor. As in, the titular." 

"Look, I don't know you. For all I know, you've broken into my house and could be trying to poison me." 

"That'd be awfully rude." The Doctor raised an eyebrow, bemused. "I do hope no one's done that to you before, where'd you get such an awful idea?"

"Well, you have broken into my house. And put a- phone booth on my carpet." 

"Ah, you've got me there. Dead to rights, I'm afraid." The Doctor said, "But I couldn't land it in the yard as there was a meteorite in it."

"A What??!?" Calvin said, jumping up. 

"Yeah, a meteorite. 2 millimeters wide, landed in your garden last night and made a big ol' gaping hole. I don't envy your hydrangeas." The Doctor said, putting on what looked to be her overcoat, it certainly wasn't one of Calvin's.

"A meteorite? In my backyard!"

"Yes. It's made out of an enxinctiotropic crystal structure. More like a tiny diamond than a meteorite. A real old shooting star has landed in your backyard." 

"Well, it's not ideal, I have to clean up, certainly, but thank you for telling me. I'll go out there now." Calvin said, taking his suit out of his closet. "I would like to change, by the way. Thank you for all of this, do you work for the police?" 

"In a way. The United Intelligence Taskforce keeps me on a retainer." The Doctor said. "But I'm afraid you can't just leave, Calvin. There's a deadly meteorite on your lawn, and we believe it to be alien," The Doctor raised a badge. "UNIT has your house surrounded." 

Chapter Two

"I can't believe this." Calvin said, to himself. "I mean, well, I can. I pride myself on not letting things get to me, I'm the old curmudgeon down the lane, but this?? Aliens?? Are you kidding me??" 

"I mean, no." The Doctor said, as if she had to think about it. "Yeah, no." 

She began to walk off. "Stay inside, Mr. Calvin. We'll be taking it from here."

No sooner had she rounded the corner than Calvin was in front of her, in full suit and bow-tie. 

"I'm sorry, I am a serious man, I don't joke. So I am simply going to tell you. If a meteorite you think is of alien origin crashes into my lawn, and you think I'm not going to go out there in my sunday best to say hello, you're out of your goddamn mind. Excuse me." 

He turned and walked out into the middle of the lawn, to investigate the meteorite.

"Oh, bleedin' heck." The Doctor muttered to herself, rushing after him. 

"Doctor," Kate Stewart said, standing on the lawn. "Who's this?"

"Inhabitant of the house, Mister Calvin Calvin. Calvin, meet Kate. Kate, meet Calvin." The Doctor said. "Now that that's done, what's the deal with the meteorite?"

Kate raised an eyebrow. "It's a strange crystal substance, like you said it would be. It seems to be spreading. Crystallizes almost anything on contact, it has to be contained, and quickly."

Calvin turned to see his rightside lawn utterly covered with a crystal substance. 

"It landed half a hour ago." Kate said, sharply. 

"Oh, bollocks." The Doctor said, walking towards the substance. 

"What she's trying to do?" Calvin whispered to Kate. 

"Well, Mister Calvin, she's going to try and communicate. And if it proves hostile, we're going to try and blow it out of the sky." 

"In my yard?" 

"Yep." Kate said, as The Doctor strode towards the crystal creature in the middle of the lawn. 

Chapter Three

"Excuse me?" The Doctor asked the crystal. "Come on now, love, I know you're intelligent. I met your kind before, you know. The Shoal of The Winter Harmony was using you as cattle. Violent War Cattle."

The Crystal vibrated, resonating out a sing song response. "We hear the Doctor!" 

"Beautiful voice you have. Look now." The Doctor said. "I know you lot are a peaceful race. The Shoal are the ones that bred you for war. Come on."

"We will consume." 

"Yeah, you want snacks. Got it." The Doctor said, shrugging. "Well then? You know this planet is protected. By me. And although you have the power to spread, you don't do it fast." 

"You are wrong. You are simply looking at our expansion from a vertical perspective." 

The Doctor bit her lip. 

“We already have expanded many miles deep into the Earth’s crust." 

"Doctor, this situation isn't sounding very good," Kate called. 

"Who is this human?" 

"Um, sorry. Crystal Shoal, Kate, Kate, Crystal Shoal, Crystal Shoal, Calvin, Calvin, Crystal Shoal, everybody got it?" The Doctor yelled. 

"We expand, and we are hungry. We would like a more pertinent source than cold rocks. We desire flesh."

"Oh, great." The Doctor said. "You don't need Flesh, you've just been made to think that!" 

"No, we do not need flesh. We desire it."  The Crystal Shoal Resonated, and suddenly, as fast as lightning, a limb made of crystal formed, and lashed out at Kate with it's sharp edge, freezing her solid inside pure crystal. From in it, Kate's body began to reform, and then the crystal container shattered, Kate walking out of it, made of pure translucent diamond-like substance.

"We Will Take Your World!" Kate yelled with the voice of the Crystal Shoal echoing within her. 

"Oh, gee, Calvin, isn't this lovely, aren't you glad you came along?!?" The Doctor yelled. "Run!" 

Chapter Four

“What is that?!? Is Kate Alright?” Calvin called. 

 

“Decisively not.” The Doctor said. “Calvin, bugger off!!”

“No!” 

“Urrgh, fine. Own any high grade acids? We need to try and melt Kate out!”

“Um, I use a fairly acidic thing for weed killer, I suppose.” 

“Urrgh! Get em then!” The Doctor grumbled. She made her way over to the garden hose. “Oi, you, love. I’m the oncoming storm, crystal shoal. I think it’d be mighty smart of you to get out of here!”

Kate in the crystal form stomped forward. 

Calvin came running out of the basement with a container of high grade acid. 

“Oi! Calvin, thought I told you to attach that to the Garden Hose!”

“It’s high grade acid, it would melt the garden hose!”

“WHAT?! IT’S WEED KILLER!! Well, lug it Then!”

“I’m not as young and spry as I used to be,” Calvin grunted, struggling. 

Kate stomped forward. 

Suddenly the dozens Of soldiers surrounding the lawn rushed in to attack Kate. 

Josh Carter led the team. “Quickly, you lot! Aim to incapacitate.”

“GOOD! EXACTLY AS I PLANNED!” Screamed Kate, attempting to crystallize them with her weird crystal limbs. 

“URRGH!!” Yelled Kate, as the agents attempted to attack her and drag her off.

She crashed into one, attempting to crystallize them, and as the crystals creeped up his body, Calvin came up from behind her and lugged her on the head. 

“Job well done?” He asked.

Epilogue:

The Doctor sat in Calvin’s house, sipping her morning coffee as he came in.

“Doctor,” Calvin began. “Look, I don’t know what you-”

“I work for UNIT.” The Doctor said, fiercely. “I always liked the organization and these days, I’m working on them, trying to forge them into a real team, with Kate’s help, of course. You see, I’m a Time Lady. I come from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterberous. But you see, I’ve given up on traveling for the mo’. I stay on earth, not because I have to, but because there’s so much I need to do! I help people. And yes, time to time I do take my TARDIS onto other planets and times and wander for a laugh. But the point is, Calvin. I like you.” 

“I’m sorry, I got like none of that.”

“Hmmph!” The Doctor snorted. “I’m a bloody alien, mate, work it out! I work for UNIT, I’m trying to shape it up, and since Osgood left, I’d like you to step on. As my scientific advisor.” 

“I know nothing about science.”

“It’s more an...honorary title.” The Doctor said. “Sounds better Than Companion or Assistant.” 

“Look. I think you’ve got me wrong. I live down the lane, I keep myself to myself-”

“And you hit alien crystals with acid tanks, you’re exactly what I need. See you tomorrow, I’ll be calling. Don’t even try to say no, Mister.”

She wandered over to her police box. “Oh yeah, And...you’ll like this bit.”

The TARDIS dematerialized, weaving in and out of space as Calvin stared in awe.

Well, he thought to himself. I guess I’ll see her tomorrow.

The End

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred 

Brenda Blethyn as The Doctor

Ted Danson as Calvin

Jemma Redgrave as Kate Stewart

Lucy Liu as The Crystal Shoal

James Joyce as Josh Carter