NCJDDAS: Mind Over Master

NCJDDAS: Mind Over Master

Chapter One

The TARDIS materialized in a field next to some sort of factory. 

It billowed smoke deep into the sky, a stark contrast to the moor like fields surrounding it. 

Cherry, Roman and The Doctor got out. “Golly, what kind of place is this, Doctor?” Cherry asked. The Doctor paused a moment. 

“Well, Mary Sue,” she joked, “I’m not exactly certain. Outskirts of Ireland, 2013. By all rights, there should be a beach where the factory is, by the cliff.” 

Cherry asserted herself. “Well, why are we going to a beach instead of the 1920s?”

“Because we started this season trying to do the Heathrow thing, but I got overwhelmed back there with the video game, and we need to relax. So the story prohibitive option was vaguely dropped, and it’s beach time.” 

“I don’t like sand,” Roman said, “It’s Coarse, Rough, and Irritating, and it gets everywhere.” 

“Well, I don’t like factories.” The Doctor said. “I told you it shouldn’t be here. Shall we explore?” 

“Well, did we go to the wrong year?” Cherry asked. 

“No, it shouldn’t be here, jeez! Come on, let’s explore. I’m certain the plot is in there.” The Doctor said, wandering over and knocking on the door. 

A slot slid open. Dark eyes were visible. Not like the boxset series, but simply shadowy eyes, disconcerting.

“Oh, thank god, Doctor, you’re here. They’re going to attack any minute, quick, come inside!” 

The Door slid open, and the person rushed off, before they could see who it was. 

“So far, so generic,” Roman commented. “Base under siege story?” 

The Doctor made a face. “Since when does this series do generic? Come on, I think I know that voice!" 

They entered. 

“Doctor, Doctor, you have to save me.” It was a familiar young woman. Blonde Curls. Southern Accent. Formerly Starred In BattleStar Galactica and Lucifer. The Master. 

Chapter Two

"Oh, no, you don't!" Proclaimed The Doctor, angrily. "You don't get to randomly ask for my help! Last time you tried to kill me, and Roman, and...Um, incidentally, what do you need?"

The Tricia Janine Helfer Master looked sheepish. "You may recall the last time we met, I engaged the facilities of twenty of my former selves." 

"Former? So you're the newest incarnation. What's the real Master timeline?" 

"I'm not exactly the newest incarnation, there are around three who all say they're the newest, and they're all equally valid."

"How'd that happen?" 

"Well, you remember how in Benny and the Jets, I regenerated from Sacha Dhawan into Michelle Yeoh? That's because he was picked up from an alternate timeline before the end of Series 12! However, he got blown up along with gallifrey at the end of that one, and so he regenerated again there! Which caused a paradox, the same time lord can't regenerate twice! And then a younger version of Michelle Yeoh showed up, when Sacha was shown regenerating into older Yeoh, so what the fuck. So we just decided there were three of us for convienience sake, and now there are three valid versions of me, all at the same time. Michelle Yeoh, I, and Maureen Beattie."

"Okay, got it."

"But as I was saying, I forged this factory here in order to merge my body into one Master, and fix the timeline. So I could be the truly valid Master. The one Master! I could set this, and if I get my former incarnations in here and inside these test tubes, I can steal their energy and reintegrate myself back into the timeline, making my body always have been the Master, and a truly immortal invividual powerful woman of death!" 

The Doctor was taken aback a little. "Okay, your usual plan. Utterly evil." She muttered. Cherry and Roman were equally shocked. The Master continued.

"Yeah, but for some reason, dying in the name of your future self really pisses off some of them. Like all of them, but mainly Missy, The War Master, Michelle Yeoh, Eric Roberts and Maureen Beattie are all outside. In a horde. They've declared war on me.  I need your help, Doctor, please! If I ever thought you were a truly malignant enemy, I did not know the power of my own deviousness! I am doomed, you must, you must help me, Doctor, please," The Tricia Master was teary and fearful, truly overwhelmed.

Cherry laughed. "Okay, Doctor, we're gonna like go, right?"

"Leaving her in the hands of her past selves would be a truly immoral act." The Doctor said. "Geoffrey Beevers got his face burned off for less. I can't imagine what they'd do to her."

"But you can't possibly justify what she's doing," Roman proclaimed. "It's evil!" The Doctor rolled her eyes. "Of Course I Don't. But I have a very flexible code of morality."

Roman tapped his foot. 

"I'd hit a caveman in the neck with a rock." The Doctor reminded.

Chapter Three

The Masters amassed outside in a villainous horde. 

"Okay, boys, this is the big one," Missy smirked. 

"There's a lock on the door," said the Master wearing sunglasses and a trenchcoat. He spoke in a slick american accent. "It's deadlock sealed."

"Oh no, whatever will we do?" Mocked an aged voice. 

The War Master moved forward. "A Mister Jack Harkness had a relationship with Mr. Deadlock, inventor of the Deadlock seal. He as such could open one. I, had a most entertaining encounter with Mr. Harkness, and as a result, I killed him and stole from him his bypass key."

"We know," said all of the War Master's future selves. "We were there." 

The War Master clicked open the door with his deadlock bypass key. "In we go, ladies and gentlemen." He remarked, with a savage look on his face.

Inside the factory, the Doctor, Cherry and Roman moved alongside several vats. The Tricia master slunk behind them. 

"You know, I'm really getting sick of all of these multi-master stories." The Doctor said. "We've had four seasons of them at this point. And I mean, it's obvious the only one of our Masters the fans have attached to is Michelle Yeoh."

"Hey, I'm Awesome!" Whined The Tricia Master. 

"Do you remember when Awesome was a word that meant something? Like in old novels, if a book calls something a truly awesome sight, you're taken aback. It's a word of quality. But if somebody calls something awesome in conversation now, it just sounds like...somebody saying the word." Roman said.

"Wait, people overuse that word! Darn it! I like that word!" Cherry complained. 

"Remind me, Doctor, how your newest plaything isn't aware of common word phrasing?" The Master inquired. 

"She's from the Nineteen Twenties." The Doctor replied.

"Oh, you have an antique toy this time. Where do you get them? I have such a hard time picking them out..."  The Master mocked, before Cherry hit her in the crotch. 

The Master spat. "No, seriously, my last one was Lucy Saxon." 

"You're only digging a deeper hole here." Roman muttered.

They all heard a door slamming. 

"They've gotten inside!" The Master blubbered. "My past selves breached the deadlock seal!" 

"Where can we get to that's secure?" The Doctor asked. 

"The offices up there overhang on the factory so supervisors can view it. If we get up there, we have a easily defendable view of the entire factory." The Tricia Master said.

They heard a laser shot.

"Oh, jiminy cricket!" Cherry exclaimed. "Let's get going, then!" 

The four of them moved by the vats towards a metal walkway, and they moved up the metal stairs onto the area near the top of the vats for workers.

"What's in these vats?"

"The toxic material from Torchwood: Ghost Mission." The Master exclaimed. 

"Helllooooo theree....." They heard Missy calling in the distance. "Come out, come out wherever you are..." 

"Oh, bollocks." The Doctor said. "Come on!" 

They moved across the worker walkways. "Stop right there," said a cold voice. The Maureen Beattie Master stepped forward from the shadows on the walkway, looking positively devilish. She pointed a  TCE.  Cherry flipped and fired one of her gunshoes at The Maureen Master, who, surprised, was knocked off the walkway and into the vats.

"Will she be alright?" The Doctor asked.

The Master looked at the vats again. "She'll probably come out of it with a clown outfit and green hair." 

"That's your reference. Really?" Roman grumbled. 

"One of these days, Master, you really need to regenerate into Mark Hamill." The Doctor remarked.

"Oh yeah!" The Tricia Master cheered. "Actually considering it, thank you." 

The Doctor led them up to some metal grated stairs. "Looks like this is the office overhang entry." 

They opened the door.

"Surprise," said Michelle Yeoh Master, shooting the Tricia Master in the head.

Chapter Four

"You didn't need to do that," The Doctor gasped.

"Oh, nonsense, Doctor." The Michelle Yeoh Master mocked. "There are rules among us Masters. One of them is, if it's a multi-master story, Derek Jacobi is in charge, and the other is...Don't betray your past selves unless it's Geoffrey Beevers." 

She took an apple out of her pocket and viciously bit into it, gnawing on it agressively, before dropping it on the floor. "I'm honestly disappointed you didn't realize that we have the exact same thinking process. I knew you would be coming up here." 

Eric Roberts came up from behind them, with a revolver. 

"And if you have the same brain as someone else, contrary to popular belief, it is very easy to trick them." The Michelle Yeoh Master finished. 

"All this chaos for revenge against your other Master self? It's hardly going to work out for you. You lose more than you gain!" The Doctor said.

"I lose nothing." The Michelle Yeoh Master responded. "Also, I'm not sure if you've noticed my new leaf!" 

Roman rolled his eyes. "You're back to killing people again, aren't you?"

"Yes, and it's not just because Missy over there would pull a World Enough and Time/The Doctor Falls on me if I wasn't. It's because Good is dumb."

The Tricia Master regenerated into Mark Hamill, who then did an amazing one-scene wonder Joker impression, before Michelle Yeoh shot him in the head again. 

"So, Doctor, what are we gonna do to you?" The Yeoh Master grinned. 

Cherry made a fist and reached for her pocket knife before The Yeoh Master shot her in the shoulder. She fell back.

"Honestly, Doctor, control your pets." The Yeoh Master mocked. "Funny how willing they are to fight for you when you're such a pacifist."

The Doctor spat. "I have on numerous occasions throughout this series, demonstrated my lack of pacifism. You're being rather stupid by acting like I totally wouldn't-" 

"Shut up!" Roman said. The Doctor reluctantly obliged. "Look. Job well done. We tried to stop you. We couldn't. Now, since your problem is with yourself, and not with us, can you politely let us go?"

"And miss out on time with the Doctor? Oh, bless." The Master laughed. "Also, our plan is hardly complete." 

"And why's that?" Roman spat. "Pack up your bags, because we always win in this series. You aren't getting out of this if you cross us. And you may have dealt with a pissed off Doctor before, you've dealt with your pissed off past selves, and you've dealt with pissed of Ranis. 

But face it. You aren't getting past a pissed off Romana."

"Ooh," The Doctor laughed. "That was a totally awesome speech right there!"

"Doctor, we've talked about the word awesome!"

"Oh, for pete's sake-" The Master growled again, before shooting both of them. 

Chapter Five

The Doctor, Roman, Cherry and the regenerated from Tricia Janine Helfer to Mark Hamill to now Kristen Bell Master were in four water tanks, submerged, but with their own oxygen supply. 

"Doctor, dearest, what do you think of my invention? Well, rather, my Tricia Janine Helfer version's invention."

"I'm Kristen Bell now!" The Kristen Bell Master whined. 

"Look! Shut up!" Said The Yeoh Master. "Okay, so, Missy, War Master, Eric Roberts! Ready the machine while I do exposition."

"Wait, what? I'm too good of an actor to be used in this to ready a machine while you do all the work! You just said I was in charge five minutes ago!" The War Master whined.

Missy made a face. "I wanna get to stab someone in this story!" She whined. 

"Haha, they can't even get along, that's hilarious!" said The Doctor, clearly forgetting every Multi-Doctor story she's ever had. 

The door slammed open, and a Master played by Margot Robbie walked in, having regenerated from Maureen Beattie. 

"Oh, that's a brilliant brick joke! You see, because instead of Mark Hamill joker, she's now Harley Quinn, isn't that funny, isn't that simply knee slapping?" Screamed The Doctor. 

"Oh, fuck all of you!" Screamed Michelle Yeoh, who then shot The War Master, Missy, Harley Quinn Master. Eric Roberts shrugged and walked off.

The Michelle Yeoh Master took a moment to breathe. "Okay, so my new completely hypocritical plan is to steal your regeneration energy and use it so I still get immortality like I wanted to before."

"But...that's hypocritical!" The Doctor, Master, Cherry and Roman gasped. 

"shut up, I'm so fucking done with these Master stories at this point," growled Michelle Yeoh. 

Michelle Yeoh pulled the lever to start the machine, laughing in a way that was supposed to seem either ominous or maniacal or hysterical or something, but really just seemed like an overtired teenager. 

Chapter Six

The Doctor, Master and Roman, stuck in the tanks, began to scream, having their regeneration energy taken out of them. Cherry shrugged. "Golly, You do know I'm not a time lord, right?"

The Michelle Yeoh Master shrugged. "Hold on, let me get my murder needles then." 

The Michelle Yeoh master rummaged through her handbag. 

"Also," Cherry said. "You still haven't removed my high heels."

"Yeah, why?" The Master asked half heartedly, rummaging for her Murder Needles. 

Cherry did the predictable and shot the Master with her high heels. The glass in the tank shattered, and the water drained out of the tanks. 

The Doctor, Master and Roman could no longer be siphoned. 

"Ooh, why does this tank smell like Caramel now?" Cherry asked.

"The less we explain that joke, the funnier it is." The Doctor said, getting up. "So, lets just throw all these Masters back in their TARDISes with notes telling them never to show up in this series again because it's too confusing and what started as a funny gag got more and more stupid and Master stories are actively draining to write now.

The Kristen Bell Master shrugged. "Can Michelle Yeoh and I still show up though?"

"Only if you aren't a villain, and call yourself something other than the Master." The Doctor demanded.

"Okay, I will now call myself the War Chief," said Kristen Bell. 

"That causes MORE continuity problems." The Doctor said, horrified for the future of this series.

Cherry, the Doctor and Roman wandered back to the TARDIS. 

"Golly, Doctor, I sure am glad those people aren't showing up again." Cherry said.

"Hold on, don't ruin it. If we lampshade it too much the epilogue will spite us by having one of them regenerate or something."

Epilogue: 

Halfway across the known universe, through thought and mind, there was a video game system where the Celestial Toymaker lay, bleeding and super dead.

Jeff, the Janitor, came out of the hallway.

He hummed to himself as he dusted the floor, happily. 

He picked up a note off of the floor. 

HI,

THIS NOTE COMES FROM THE BLACK GUARDIAN

IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE CELESTIAL TOYMAKER IS DEAD
WOW MAN THAT SUCKS

GOTTA SAY

YOU HAVE BEEN INDITED AS THE NEW ARC VILLAIN

DON'T SCREW IT UP MAN

Jeff the janitor began to scream. 

The End

This Story (Hypothetically) Starred

Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor

Scarlett Johansson as Cherry

Sir Patrick Stewart as Roman

Tricia Janine Helfer as The Master

Michelle Yeoh as The Master

Maureen Beattie as The Master

Eric Roberts as The Master
Mark Hamill as The Master

Margot Robbie as The Master

Sir Derek Jacobi as the War Master

Kristen Bell as The Confusingly Named 'War Chief'

Michelle Gomez as Missy

John De-Lancie as Jeff