(MAIN RANGE): The Defilers of Plot
MAIN RANGE: The Defilers of Plot
This Story Stars Tom Baker as The Fourth Doctor and Jane Slavin as WPC Ann Kelso
If you don't know who Ann is, it doesn't fucking matter, picture generic companion as I'm not going deep into backstory.
Chapter One
The TARDIS dematerialized into a transdimensional place beyond reality.
"Hmm, dear me." Said The Doctor, stepping out of the TARDIS. "Reality seems to be broken here, Ann."
"Doctor!" Ann said, stepping out beside him. "My legs are now Jam!"
Her legs were indeed, raspberry jam.
"Well, that's not my fucking fault is it?" asked The Doctor, tossing his scarf behind his shoulder. "Reality doesn't exist here," he said, waving his hand through the trillions of atoms that were also Frogs. "I'm sure you'll be fine."
They began walking through the Aether. "Something deadly serious has happened here, WPC Kelso. Reality doesn't decide to take a break if it's poked too much, no, I fear something terrible is afoot."
"What do you mean?" Said Ann. Her face flapped into a piece of air that was now riveted steel.
"Someone's broken the fucking story, Ann," said Tom Baker, I mean, the Doctor, as he adjusted his scarf seriously.
"Broken the story?"
"They blew it up." The Doctor said. "Quite possibly with some kind of missile. Look there, that shark that's the floor has a scorch mark on it."
"I say!" said Ann, astonished. "It really is a Shark!" She moved closer but the Doctor stopped her.
"Careful, Ann. It may look like floor, but it could bite you, it still retains all the qualities of a Shark." He said.
"What about the quality that there's no water for it to breathe?" Ann asked. She moved forward and the Shark jumped her, while the Jaws theme played loudly.
"It's lungs are made of tissue paper, Ann! There's no reality, it can do as it pleases! Run!" The Doctor and Ann turned and ran, but as soon as The Shark moved to attack them, the universe decided it didn't, and then the Shark wasn't there.
"Well, that was fun, Doctor." Ann said. "Shall we go back to the TARDIS? PLEASE?"
"No, Ann." The Doctor said, pointing over the dimensionally transcendental planes to some kind of river and bridge. "There's some kind of bridge there, wherever this is, someone used something on this world to break it's reality! But someone still survives here. How could humanity or alienity survive out in a world like this??! We have to discover it."
"What if we bring K9?" Ann suggested. "There is no reason why we shouldn't always have an attack dog with a stun laser. ALL OF THE TIME."
"No, he's not made of organic material, he'd be easier for the world to break down."
"I'm made of organic material and my legs are Jam," Ann remarked, but The Doctor led her over the hill to civilization.
Chapter Two
"Hello, dear sir!" Said The Doctor, stepping over the hill into an abstract town made out of every kind of material conceivable to the brain and some that weren't. He turned to a man that looked normal (besides a cloud for a head) "We're just passing through," he continued, "and were wondering, how long has this planet been like this?"
"JOIFEIHUGWRHUOWEFJWIFUROIUWBIRWuOHHOUWHVRUOE." said The Man.
"Ah, a conversationalist, Ann." The Doctor said sarcastically.
"No, hold on, Doctor. I understand what he's saying!" Ann said.
"What? I can't. If the TARDIS doesn't know the language, then No one can, It's untranslatable, from the dawn of time-"
"Yeah, well, seems clear to me." Ann said. "Um, mister, sorry, but JSRUJOICOCjicrwJOFRHufvhih"
"SUOFHIRWUIORHIODJVJWJOROUHERBWIJK" said The Man.
"Yeah," said Ann, "It's been like this all his life."
"I..? Perhaps it has something to do with your newfound limbs." The Doctor said, pointing at Ann's jelly legs.
"I suppose that would make sense." Ann muttered.
"No, no! Of Course it would! This universe is trying to make you into it's own image! I'm not affected, as of yet, time lord metabolism, but because you've been remade, slightly, it's beginning to let you into it's madness." The Doctor said, gravely.
"What would that mean?" Ann asked.
"Something malevolent." The Doctor said. "I'm not sure."
"WFEJROWRJNFIWONONWEFOOEJEFJEFJKEJFKWHFFBKJD." Said The Man.
"Hey, that's rude!" Ann said to the man, annoyed.
The Doctor paused, beginning to actually look concerned. "Look, Ann. I'm actually for once beginning to change my mind. This place is dangerous. The mental effects alone-" The Doctor gasped. "Ack! Ann! I- Ack! Ack! There's A-"
Ann rushed over to the Doctor and performed the Heimlich maneuver. The Doctor coughed up bits of some kind of meat.
"The Air Molecules, they must have, ah, solidified." The Doctor gasped for air.
"AFOJIJGEURJGFEFKEORIGORJOJVWNONRUH!" The Nearby Man said, picking up a knife.
"Doctor. He doesn't really like the idea of us leaving..." Ann said, slowly.
Chapter Three
"Ann, run!" The Doctor said, taking Ann's arm as they rushed through the town. "Doctor!" Ann complained. "I can't run well, my legs are made of Jelly! They're falling apart, running like this will leave a trail for them to follow!"
"I'm afraid that's the least of our worries, Ann. This entire reality we're facing is strictly hostile! ARRGH!" The Doctor fell to his knees. His arm had been remade into some kind of Umbrella. His hand was still attached to the end of it, oddly, just his entire arm was missing from his shoulders and the Umbrella connected to his hand. "I'm affected, Ann!" The Doctor growled. "The TARDIS sickbay better be able to fix this!"
Nearby people crowded around them, raising knives and other kinds of weapons. "Kill them in the name of the defilers!" They yelled, the Doctor realizing he could understand them now as Ann did.
"No, no! I can understand you now, my dear fellows!" The Doctor said, getting up.
Ann hissed at him. "Doctor, what are you thinking-"
"No, no, Ann, be quiet. I've grown rather sick of all of this realism." The Doctor lied, playing to the crowd. "I should like to be taken to these...defilers so I can congratulate them personally. Shouldn't you think?"
Ann yelled out, realising what the Doctor was trying, and she began to act badly as well. "Oh, Yes! I completely agree!"
"The defilers certainly have done a lovely job with the place," The Doctor continued to bluff.
"Oi, how'd you know the Defilers were in charge around here, we only mentioned 'em once." A Man with a glass chest said.
"Oh, well everyone knows, the Defilers are in charge, doesn't everyone, Ann?"
"Oh, yes, everyone knows." Ann said, stolidly.
The Man with the glass torso turned to the man with the cloud for the head, suspicious. "We shall take you to the defilers," they said.
"Oh, goodie." Ann remarked.
The men gathered them up in a crowd, and led them over the hill, and to a well outside the village borders.
"Well, it does appear to be a Well." The Doctor joked.
"Doctor, are you sure you know what you're doing?" Ann asked.
"Of course, Ann." The Doctor said. "I'm sure I don't know what I'm doing."
"Silence," said the man with the glass chest. He leered over to the Doctor. "You shall jump down the well, and there the Defilers lie."
"I was expecting some sort of castle." The Doctor commented.
"There's no reality, of course it isn't a castle. Get down there." The Cloud Man shoved The Doctor, but the Doctor grabbed the well's handle. .
"Incidentally, can I know your name, I'd like to give a complaint-"
"Gerald, now shove it!"
"That's an incredibly realistic name-" The Doctor said, jumping down, deep into the well.
"Okay, then, chaps." Ann said, cheerfully. "Time for me to utilize police training."
"What?" Gerald asked.
"Dreadfully sorry about this," Ann said, punching Gerald and the Glass Man, evidently named Stuart, out.
"Doctor!" She called down the well. "Should I come after you?"
"No, there's not enough room! It's some kind of cave system at the bottom of this thing, but the ceilings are very low. Get yourself out of trouble!" The Doctor called. "I'll handle these Defilers, whoever they are. And I'll undoubtedly complain about the low ceilings!"
Chapter Four
The Doctor had been crawling through the tunnels for a while now, and the stone tunnels, although bricked, were dark and cold, and as the Doctor crawled through the tunnels, he realized he couldn't see much at all, and after a while, could only tell a few feet in front of him. The darkness surrounded him, and he eventually realized that the tunnel could stop in a few feet and he'd have nowhere to go, or that the walls could be made of something dreadfully disgusting, and he'd have no idea, as he couldn't see them at all. His scarf tugged at his throat.
He crawled on.
As he moved through the darkness, he saw a point of light in the distance, far ahead of him, but it didn't illuminate a thing, rather like a star, visible in the night sky, but this of course, didn't make sense. He was deep underground, and-
Well, nothing had really made sense recently.
The stars surrounded him, growing and growing and growing, in numerous sizes, until he was crawling through what looked exactly like the night sky.
He ran out of room to crawl, but trying to go backwards, he couldn't, and as the Doctor felt more and more chaustrophobic, he suddenly realized that despite all known points to the contrary, he could in fact, stand.
"DOCTOR." An old ragged voice called out.
"Who is that? Ian McDiarmid?"
"PROBABLY NOT."
Another voice, this one dark and booming. "WE ARE THE DEFILERS OF PLOT. WE GREW SICK OF NORMALCY, AND SO WE REMOVED IT FROM THIS WORLD."
The Doctor narrowed his eyes. "And in doing so, I believe you've happened to brainwash a population. Distort their language, make them fear newcomers, live in danger of unreality every day, all in the name of the annihilation of normalcy. "
A third voice called out, this one soft and feminine. "Indeed we did."
"And for what?" The Doctor asked. "Did you just decide one day to open up the sky and have it rain cats and dogs, or what? Begging pardon, what exactly is your origin?"
The First Voice. "WE WERE ONCE THE RULERS OF THIS PLANET. BUT OUR ENEMIES IN THE CITY, POLITICAL ENEMIES, THEY GREW DISCONTENT."
The Second, "AND THEN, A MISSILE. A DEBRIS, FALLEN BACK FROM AN ONSLAUGHT CALLED THE LAST GREAT TIME WAR."
"Never heard of it," The Doctor commented.
The Third Voice. "This weapon distorted our world...briefly. It shattered our means of reality. It made things, roughly as you see them now. And then the weapon stopped. Out of Power."
The First. "THE POLITICIANS, MEASLY SMALL PEOPLE WERE SCARED AT THE TIME. BUT THIS PASSED, AND MANY YEARS LATER, IT CAME TIME FOR A RE-ELECTION. WE WERE TO LOSE OUR POWER."
The Second Voice. "THE SOLUTION WAS SIMPLE. WE REACTIVATED THE MACHINE, EXPANDED IT'S RANGE. WE ONLY NEEDED TO FEED IT ENERGY."
The Third Voice. "The Bodies of Our Enemies Were Sufficient."
"And so, you killed your political enemies," The Doctor summed up, "and used their bodies as fuel to perpetuate a temporal reality breaking device that keeps you in power, because whenever anyone defies you, the afraid townsfolk you've brainwashed and broken into submission bring them here to you so you use them as fuel perpetually. You've breeded a savage people, surely you realize they cannot survive here! How do you survive for that matter?"
"PROXIMITY TO THE WEAPON SHATTERED OUR BODIES LONG AGO. OUR MINDS REMAIN. THIS IS ENOUGH."
"Well then," The Doctor said. "Normalcy. You've created a society, molded it, killed hundreds, no, thousands of people, all in the name of keeping yourself in power. Break Reality! Why? Because you despise normalcy. So? You people seem to have forgotten something yourselves, however."
"AND WHAT IS THAT?"
"In your pursuit to annihilate normalcy, you have become among some of the most generic foes I have ever faced! Every tyrant wants to stay in power, every villain uses their enemies deaths to benefit themselves, every horrid creature across the cosmos loves to talk in big, fat, monologues about how great they are and how they have become invincible. You! You are everything you say you fight against! You are normal! Positively normal, run of the road! I meet Ice Warriors, Daleks, Chalderans and other Fellows like you every week!"
"THIS CANNOT BE TRUE!"
"And so, I'm going to beat you! Like I do, every single time! With my sonic screwdriver, a few notes I took to myself about your existence as thought, your mental frequency as telepaths, and how I can disrupt it with a click of a button!"
The Sonic Screwdriver buzzed.
"Don't worry! You'll survive! You'll live long, but you'll never hurt these people again! After all, I am calling the Shadow Proclamation as we speak. It's been fun. You know, try and take your revenge if you want! I won't mind winning all over again, but next time," The Doctor grinned. "Try and come up with something more original."
Epilogue:
The grass was green. The sky was blue. The Jaws theme was no longer playing, and Ann was talking to the people as the Doctor dragged himself out of the well.
"Doctor," Ann said. "I've talked to the leaders while you're down there. Seems some kind of control broke over them. Stuart and Gerald are really very nice fellows as well, the whole situation here seems, incredibly normal."
"When wasn't it?" The Doctor laughed. "Ha ha! Gerald!"
"Huh?"
"Please try and do something out of the box with this planet." The Doctor said, and to Ann's consternation, he put on his hat, and wandered over the hills back to the TARDIS.
Ann said her goodbyes quickly, and rushed over to him. "What was that for? This place is lovely, beautiful! We've really done some good here."
"Of course we did, Ann. We always do. I'll check up in 300 years, I'm certain the planet will turn out to be something marvelous."
"Well, you were rather rude back there."
"That man did threaten my life."
"Well, it wasn't him, it was the defile thingys!" Ann complained.
"Ah, ever so true. It's funny, our perceptions of odd, and normal. For some planets, trees would be the most unimaginable thing, but for yours and mine, they're almost ignored."
"Doctor, I'm not sure what Odd and Normal are, either. But I'm pretty sure you're both for me." She laughed, and they got into the TARDIS and they disappeared, and the townspeople all looked on in amazement. They'd never seen anything like it.
The End
This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
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