NCJDDAS The Last Adventure 1.5: The Return of the Existentially Terrifying Chairs From Lungbarrow
NCJDDAS: The Return of the Existentially Terrifying Chairs From Lungbarrow
The Last Adventure
Starring Dame Judi Dench as The Doctor, Lisa Kudrow as Marsha and Scarlett Johansson as Cherry
Guest Starring Sophie Aldred as Ace and Louise Jameson as Leela
Takes place a reasonable gap after It's A Coup! So I can fill in as many Dench/Marsha/Cherry stories as I want. It's like that stupid infinite gap between Time Flight and Arc of Infinity or Planet of Fire and Caves of Androzani for some reason
Part Five of Six
Chapter One
The Doctor, Marsha and Cherry slumped around the TARDIS.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" proclaimed Marsha. "We haven't done anything for ages! Why is the TARDIS taking so long to get somewhere?"
"Hm, I dunno, that is odd." Cherry commented. "Doctor, do you have any idea?"
The Doctor looked at Cherry and Marsha with weary eyes. "We're being drawn of course to the original plan of going to Disneyland. No...The TARDIS is being recalled to Gallifrey by some kind of exponentially powerful force."
"Exponentially?"
"Well every second the force squares itself. You can imagine the consequences."
"Golly! And this conversation alone has been like twenty seconds!" Cherry gasped.
Marsha shrugged. "I failed math class." She muttered.
"Hold on to something!" The Doctor yelled. "We're probably going to crash into Gallifrey with the force of a black hole that is also being squared every second. So probably, considering it's been forty seconds, I can't even calculate mathmatically how much shit is going to go down!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" They yelled, as the TARDIS crashed through the Transduction barrier with the force of stupidly high mathmatical equations.
* * *
"At last..." The Valeyard whispered. "The Time Approaches..."
* * *
The TARDIS smashed into Gallifrey. The Doctor, Marsha and Cherry hazily got out.
They looked at the crater surrounding them. "Well, I'm sure about a seventh of the Gallifreyan population will be fine." The Doctor commented, in her blase manner. She wrapped her petticoat around her shoulders.
"Where are we?" Marsha asked, inquisitively.
"Well, it appears we're in the early days of Gallifrey. They must have just put up the Transduction barrier. We also seem to have been an important comet in Gallifreyan history. One wonders why I study the history so much, being in most of it does give one a superiority complex."
"Really, I hadn't noticed," Cherry said sarcastically.
"What's that big house in the distance?" Marsha asked.
"Oh, that's the house of Lungbarrow. Don't go there, it's bogged in continuity." The Doctor mumbled.
In the mist a figure appeared. The cloister bell ominously chimed.
"Oh, no." The Doctor said wearily. "No, it's not time yet."
The Valeyard appeared out of the shadows. "Doctor, indeed it is. Today is the day of your true final hour. That of Gallifrey. That of the universe. That of - I don't know, I haven't decided yet. I only intend to blow shit up." He spoke wickedly, and all of his dialogue, no matter how stupid sounding sounded very intimidating and Shakespearean when it left his lips.
"Valeyard. I have to say, I'm disappointed. Just in you. Generally. For little reason." The Doctor said.
"Valeyard! Who's he?" Asked Marsha and Cherry.
"Valeyard. No, no, I'm not the Valeyard. I am the Doctor." The Valeyard said. "This woman, Cherry, Marsha, is a charlatan. A jezebel. And she has been impersonating the real one."
Chapter Two
"Bullshit." Cherry said. "This is the Doctor. She's super cool. She has guns and does backflips."
"Oh, oh you sweet summer child. Everything you know is a lie. This woman...is not, and has never been the Doctor." The Valeyard said with wicked force.
"Oh come off it, Valeyard," The Doctor said, "The Sixth Doctor Last Adventure confirms you to be a Gallifreyan Black Ops experiment designed to create an agent for the Time Lords that would obey them, unlike me or the Master."
The Valeyard put his face in his hands. "Okay, that's also true. Can you let me have my dramatic reveal here?" He said in his ominous booming voice. "The Doctor is not you. For real. May I unveil the evidence?"
Ominous music played as Chairs moved over the hills. Existentially terrifying chairs. In the house of Lungbarrow, these massive chairs were made to give the impression of childhood to fully grown and newly loomed Gallifreyans. If you buy into that. Anyway, there were Hundreds. At their forefront, rested on two chairs, was the body of the Doctor. Judi Dench's Doctor. Asleep.
The real Doctor.
"This Doctor is dignified and perfect. She does not commit murder. She saves civilizations. She does not like guns, she is a wonderful and brilliant example of what the Doctor should be. She has also coincidentally been asleep for the past seven hundred years while you, you weak impersonation, have been parading about existence like a sad, sad, puppy." The Valeyard declared. "And no, this isn't like an ah-ha gotcha moment where it's a fake in an elaborate scheme by me, this is Canon." He whispered evilly. "Since your very first story, you have been super fake-o." He said, continuing to still sound dignified in Michael Jayston's impeccable accent.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Those Chairs are existentially terrifying!" The evidently fake Doctor who had been travelling with Cherry and Marsha screamed.
"Yes, the chairs are also terrifying. Anyone who's read Lungbarrow knows how scary time lord chairs are." The Valeyard sighed. "You know, this is how bad you are. You can't even let me have my awesome amazing heartbreaking speech about how you've never been the Doctor in the first place and how you're actually a clone of her. Just like me!" He said, laughing. "Yes, I am a clone. I used to look like Colin Baker, but when they made me they messed up. Anyway. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being shown up by you across the universe, causing chaos and firebombings! So, here's the final ultimatum. You will turn yourself in and allow the real Doctor to replace you, or I will kill the universe with my army of scary chairs."
"There have only been twenty two firebombings, that's a remarkably small number." Cherry said smartly, conveniently forgetting to mention the size and death toll of said firebombings. "And so what if this Doctor isn't the real one? Well, she's real to me! We've had so many adventures together! We-"
"Stop it, Cherry." The Evidently Fake Doctor said. "Valeyard. I accept your terms." She said humbly.
"What, Doctor, No! Stop It!" Cherry screamed. She teared up. "You have to fight him! Shoot him! He's the bad guy!"
"I've only known you for an undisclosed amount of time, Doctor, but you've changed both our lives! Don't listen to the obviously evil man!" Marsha exclaimed.
"If I'm not The Doctor, then I should at least stand for her." The Evidently Fake Doctor said, quietly. "The Doctor means hope to the universe. And if I am not that hope, I should step aside."
"How Humble." The Valeyard mocked. "Come here, Doctor. Look upon your betters."
"Cherry, Marsha, I'm sorry." The Doctor said, walking to her real self lying on top of the scary chairs that were next to the Valeyard. She walked forward, performing her first selfless act in ages. Possibly her life.
The Valeyard chuckled as The Chairs placed the false Doctor into a stupor. "Wonderful." He commented. "Now that that's over with," He laughed. "Existentially Terrifying Chairs, Kill The Real Doctor."
The Chairs were so scary that the sleeping Doctor, the real actual Doctor that has been that Doctor since the Timeless Child, William Hartnell, and every single Doctor up to Nathalie Emmanuel and the real Judi Dench Doctor actually completely totally and permanently died.
Yes. And No. They're not coming back.
Chapter Three
Cherry and Marsha initiated a run to the TARDIS.
"Chairs, stop them!" The Valeyard yelled.
Perhaps now would be a good time to question why these existentially terrifying chairs obeyed The Valeyard...
..I'm sure you can come up with a better explanation than me. They do. Anyway, Cherry and Marsha barreled into the TARDIS, and locked the door.
"Oh my god, oh my god, what do we do!" Marsha freaked. "I understood like none of that!"
"It's over." Cherry said. "Somehow we have to help our Doctor though. I know you don't care if she's fake or not and neither do I."
"Yeah. She's cool, even if she's totally a freak or something." Marsha agreed.
Static played out of the TARDIS speaker.
"What's that?" Cherry asked.
The static grew louder.
And a portal opened out of nothing and Roman landed on the TARDIS floor.
"Hello, Cherry!" He proclaimed. "Greetings, Marsha, I know we hardly met and I didn't really even get to introduce myself, my name's Roman. And yes, I was falling through the time space vortex, and I heard absolutely all of it." He said assuredly in his clipped tones. "I was being summoned here by the Kotturuh to kill the Doctor, but you know how it is. Since the actual Doctor is dead, I can certainly help you save OUR Doctor." He smiled.
"Now. Where Do We Start?" He laughed jovially, as turning to the TARDIS controls.
"Roman. You seem a lot happier." Cherry said.
"Oh yes, I am in a very good mood. We're going to save the universe!" He cheered, pulling down the TARDIS controls, and the three of them then began to plan their next moves...
To Be Continued...
This Story (Hypothetically) Starred
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